Wrong Number
by TheDauntlessShadowhunter
Summary: All his life, Matthew has been ignored and lonely. But one day he gets a message from a wrong number and the stranger befriends him. Matthew has some hope that his new friend could make things better, and save him from losing his sanity. Of course, things almost never go as planned.
1. Who Are You?

Alfred slapped the newspaper on the kitchen table with a proud air about him. "Guess who made the front cover of the school paper?" He didn't give any time for an answer before he pointed to himself and yelled, "this guy!"

Their dad was leaning against the counter, watching as his papa was busying himself making an after school snack. "Of course you did, Alfred, you're always in the paper," he said, stepping over to read the headline aloud. "Jones brings team to victory."

"They wouldn't be able to win without you," Papa agreed, placing their snack on the table next to the paper. It was those cheesy pretzel bites, and Alfred spared no time digging into his share.

Matthew sat down and ate them more slowly, listening to his family talk about how amazing his brother was. He had to listen to this all day at school too. But he wasn't angry about this. He actually wished he was more like him. Maybe then he would get a little more attention. That's why he was surprised when his Papa smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"How is my little Mathieu?"

"Oh, um, good," he said.

"Good," he smiled and the warm hand left his shoulder. He was promptly sucked back into Alfred World and once again, Matthew was alone.

He got up, grabbed his backpack, and trudged to his room. He closed the door and laid on his bed, starting up his laptop. Homework could wait.

He opened up Netflix and stared at the screen as Supernatural streamed. He could kill for the kind of relationship Sam and Dean had. If only his brother wasn't so self absorbed.

He was startled toward the end of the episode, when everything was intense, when his phone chimed. He paused the episode and opened up his messages. It was an unknown number and the text startled him even more.

_I just got your new number and it was un- awesome of you not to tell me!_

Matthew had no idea who this was and he was sure it wasn't meant for him. So, out of kindness, he let the sender know he still had the wrong number.

_I'm sorry but I think you have the wrong number._

_Don't mess around with me Toni, I know this is you!_

_No, this is Matthew._

He got the feeling that this person was talking about his brother.

_Seriously? Dammit Alfred gave me the wrong number!_

_I'm really sorry, that's my brother, maybe I could tell him what he did._

_Wait you're his brother? Why don't I know you then?_

_I don't have a lot of friends._

_I'll be your friend! :)_

Matthew couldn't form a reply. Did this stranger who had the wrong number just volunteer to be his friend? Did those kind of things even happen?

_I don't know who you are._

_My bad, I'm the Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt! But you can call me the Awesome for short_

_Oh, okay._

_I'm kidding, call me Gilbert or whatever._

_Okay, Gilbert._

_I have to go but we can talk later. Bye!_

Matthew felt a little spark of happiness flowing through him. A friend? Someone actually wanted to be his friend? He felt a small smile crack his lips. He knew the name but couldn't put a face to it... Beilschmidt. It sounded German but there were a couple German guys at school. He mused over who it could be and after a few minutes, doubt slipped in and a voice in the back of his head yelled at him.

Who was he to think that someone actually wanted to be his friend? The guy was just messing with him, he wasn't ever going to talk to him again. He was someone, while Matthew was no one. A no one that stayed quiet in class, got walked into in the halls. Always mistaken for his brother, or not noticed at all. His own family barely remembered he existed.

Matthew quickly shut the voice of denial up and watched the rest of Supernatural. He would see who was right tomorrow.

"There you are, you little fucker!" Matthew heard yelled loudly down the hall. Most people didn't notice, knowing it wasn't about them, and Matthew acted the same.

He stuffed a textbook in his locker, ready to get out of the hall before a fight broke out. A hand landed hard on his shoulder, spinning him around. He gasped and his heart leapt into his throat. Someone was mistaking him for Alfred again, he already knew it. How many bruises would he walk away with this time?

"You gave me the wrong number, dummkopf. And since when do you have a bruder?"

Matthew stared at him blankly. He was right, this guy thought he was his brother. But... what did he say? Something about a number? Was this the guy that texted him yesterday?

The guy peered at him closer with his crimson eyes. "Wait, you're not Alfred.. are you Matthew?"

Matthew nodded slightly. This was the first guy to ever figure it out. How did he do it? The guy, Gilbert, he recalled, smiled happily at him.

"Awesome! So you're my new friend!"

"Y-You still want t-to be m-my friend?" he stammered in disbelief.

"Of course!" Gilbert laughed and messed up his hair like he was a little kid, "you sound like you need some, I can barely hear you!"

Matthew stared at him, trying to catch up. What was happening? Seconds ago he was mistaken for his brother, but now Gilbert was acknowledging his existence. Was he dreaming?

"Cat got your tongue?" Gilbert asked after a moment of silence.

"N-No," he stammered quietly.

Gilbert laughed, "I'll see you later kid, I have places to be, people to see." He grinned and walked off down the hall.

Matthew closed his locker and walked the same way, to 1st hour. That was sure an eventful morning. But he was certain Gilbert would forget him by the end of the day.

He went to first hour and pulled out his homework once he sat down in the back. He had about 5 minutes to get it done. He'd been too distracted yesterday to do it.

The late bell chimed and the last person decided to make his way in during the bell. He looked up and saw it was Gilbert, looking smug.

Matthew never really noticed who was in his class, no one noticed him so why bother, but that was when he realized Gilbert did have this hour. And 6th hour too, he believed.

Gilbert sat down in his spot next to the window, on the other side of the room, without even glancing toward him. It had been less than 10 minutes and he was forgotten. Big surprise. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up. How stupid of him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

By lunch Matthew had moved on to other matters. The school lunch food. Terrible, but there really wasn't anything to do about it.

He walked outside with his tray and sat down at one of the few tables placed in the courtyard. It was getting chilly out, but he was wearing his big maple leaf hoodie, so no one was out there except him. He took this time to eat in blissful silence. Or at least, until someone actually noticed him.

"Matthew! What are you doing out here all alone!?" Gilbert yelled, walking over. He gasped and stared as Gilbert walked over. He actually noticed him? And during lunch, of all times.

"I-I like the quiet and the cold," he answered quietly as Gilbert sat across from him.

"You're weird. You know that? And you're a really hard person to find. I didn't think you'd be the one person to sit outside in this weather."

Matthew shook his head and looked at the table. "Y-You were l-looking for m-me?"

"Ja, I'm your friend! I told you I would be and I keep my promises," Gilbert smiled and ate some of his food. "Gott, this school has bad food. Don't you agree?"

Matthew nodded, sipping on his milk, which was really the only thing that tasted normal. He looked up and noticed Gilbert was already looking at him.

"Why don't you talk? Or even talk in a normal voice? Do you have some kind of disease?"

He was taken aback by Gilbert's rude questions, but he wasn't the type of person to get angry easily, so he let it go. "N-No, I d-don't have a d-disease. I-I just d-don't like t-to talk."

Gilbert placed his elbows on the table thoughtfully. "Maybe you do like to talk, but you don't have anyone to talk to. And maybe with how loud Alfred is, no one ever listened to you, so you don't talk so loud. And maybe you stutter because you don't talk to anyone and when you do, you get nervous and don't know what to say."

Matthew stared at Gilbert as he psycho- analyzed his life. He wasn't sure about his conclusions though. Was Alfred really the cause of his quietness and his nervous stutter? He couldn't be, this was just how things always were.

He shook his head, "Y-You're a r-really b-bad psychologist."

Gilbert laughed, "You're just in denial. I'm right and you know it." Matthew just shrugged. He didn't see any use in arguing with this guy. "By the way, you're welcome. My services are free for this one time only because I like you so much."

Matthew stared at him and said the most intelligent word he knew, "huh?"

Gilbert just smirked. "You're cute, kid," he said and sat up a little straighter, "I just came up with an awesome nickname for you!"

"W-What?" Matthew asked, hoping it wasn't something cruel.

"Birdie," Gilbert said proudly.

"B-Birdie?" Matthew repeated. He wasn't expecting that. How did he come up with that kind of name?

"Ja, Birdie! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Y-Yeah... b-but why?"

He shrugged, "I just think it suits you."

"O-Oh, um, o-okay," Matthew agreed quietly and got up to throw his lunch away. He dumped his lunch in the metal trash bin and turned around to see Gilbert looking at him.

He stayed quiet and sat back down across from him. Not like he had anywhere else to go.

"So, kid, how's life?"

"Uh, g-good," he lied.

"Are you sure?" Gilbert asked, seeming to see right through his lie, "you don't seem very happy."

Matthew put on a small smile, "I-I'm f-fine."

"If you want to talk, you have my number," he said and got up, throwing his tray away.

"Bis dann," he smiled and walked back inside the building.

He sat there for a moment before pulling out his phone and muttering "bis dann.." as he attempted to spell what he assumed to be a German expression.

The end- of- lunch- get- your- ass- back- to- class bell rang and he sighed, looking up the results as he walked inside.

He couldn't find one exact translation for it but it meant something along the lines of "see you later". Gilbert actually planned on seeing him again? His hopes raised at the prospect of Gilbert becoming his friend.

He spent the next two hours thinking about what he could do with a friend. Then, when sixth hour rolled around, he walked down the hall and saw Gilbert flirting with a pretty girl. He had her trapped between his body and the lockers but she didn't seem to mind.

His hopes were crushed slightly. He could just be one of those players who acted nice for their own gain. But his instinct told him Gilbert was different. He had to be.

He walked into class and saw on the board that there was going to be new seats, so he stood in the front of the room with everyone waiting for the teacher to give new seats.

A few minutes later the bell rang, Gilbert slipped inside, and the teacher began pointing to desks and placing students. He waited until the very end, and when the teacher never called his name, he walked up to her.

"E- excuse m-me Mrs. H- Hérderváry," he said and waited to be noticed. "M-Mrs. H-Hérderváry..."

She looked at him in surprise like she'd never seen him before. "Yes?"

"Y-You, um, I-I wasn't placed in a s-seat..." he stammered and swallowed thickly. He couldn't hold anything against her, she was very nice. He just wasn't... noticeable.

She blinked and looked at the seating chart. "Oh, I'm sorry, you're in the back, next to Gilbert," she smiled.

He glanced over and Gilbert's head snapped up at the mention of his name. He looked right at Matthew as he walked over and grinned, patting the empty chair next to him. He slipped into his seat and rummaged through his backpack for his homework.

"Birdie, how nice of you to join me."

"Uh huh," he muttered and pulled out a folder. He opened it and scrawled his name across the top of an assignment.

"You won't get lonely with the awesome me around," he grinned and Matthew sighed. This was going to be a long hour.

As soon as he arrived home, he went to his room. He wasn't hungry for any of Francis' snacks. He wasn't in the mood for Alfred World. All he wanted was to feel better. During class he started to feel sick. His stomach was killing him but naturally no one would come to pick him up. Gilbert only served to made his stomach ache worse, talking his ear off all hour.

He groaned and went to the bathroom. He took some Pepto Bismal. Maybe he had food poisoning. That would be just great.

Once he got back to his room, his phone was lighting up with a new message.

He opened the message and saw it was Gilbert. What did that idiot want now?

_Birdie you just missed this awesome fight on the corner!_

_Oh wow. Did I?_

He couldn't help from being sarcastic. His stomach was putting him in an even worse mood.

_It was these guys Toni and Lovino. Do you know them? They're awesome._

_I don't know them. Sounds like it was exciting._

_It was! It wasn't much of a fight but it ended in some making out._

_You know I'm not gay. That doesn't exactly interest me._

_He felt like he was being too mean but didn't care._

_Never said you were. I think you're in denial._

_I can't be in denial if I'm not gay.._

_Don't worry, you'll come out of the closet sometime._

Matthew sighed in frustration and didn't text back. Who was Gilbert to tell him his sexuality. And why did he care? Last time he checked, he was into girls... not that girls noticed him, but still.

_Birdie?_  
_Gonna ignore me?_  
_Ha, okay, see you at school!_

Matthew ignored him. This guy was annoying. Almost like his brother. If his brother was German. He shuddered in horror at the thought and decided he'd had enough of being social today. He pulled a blanket over himself and closed his eyes for a nap.

**Hi I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I'm not exactly sure how long this fic will be yet, but I do have a lot more written. If you actually do want to read more, expect an update within a week, because I'm lazy. Anyways, please review! Thanks!**


	2. Food Poisoning

"Mattie! Wake up!"

"Huh? What do you want, Al?"

"Don't you want dinner?"

"No."

"Did you eat earlier?"

"No."

"Then you gotta eat now!"

"I'm sick. Let me sleep."

"I'll go get dad. Don't move."

Matthew was woken up rudely by Alfred. He still had a stomach ache and Alfred only ever made things worse. 'Don't move' that guy thinks he's a riot with his stupid jokes.

Alfred returned with Francis who fawned over him.

"What hurts? Do you have a fever? Mon Dieu you're burning up!"

"I'm fine, Papa," he said and smiled to reassure him. "I think it's just a little food poisoning."

"Did Arthur make something for you!?" Francis asked dramatically, like he would die if he ate the other man's cooking.

"No. It's from school," he said and closed his eyes, feeling nauseous.

"You just need some rest and soup then. I'll go make some," Francis smiled and left the room.

Alfred stuck around and looked out the window. "Why did Gilbert hug me today, Mattie?" he asked suddenly.

"I don't know," Matthew muttered. He barely knew the guy, but he seemed capable of doing anything he wanted without reason.

"I didn't mean to give him your number either."

"It's fine, Al," he said and pulled the covers over his head.

"Okay. I hope he's not causing you trouble," he laughed and walked to the door, "he's stupid, so don't listen to anything he says."

"That's my motto," Matthew said and Alfred finally walked out.

A few minutes later Francis walked back in with a bowl of soup and Saltine crackers. He sat up and took the bowl. "Merci," he said and sipped on the soup.

"Feel better, Mathieu. I'll check on you later, okay?"

"Okay," he said and blew on the soup to cool it. Francis walked out and he sighed. It seemed like the only time he was noticed was when he was sick.

He set the hot soup down on his nightstand and reached under the bed for a notebook. He grabbed a pen, flipped it to a new page, and began writing.

_I met this albino named Gilbert today. He's interesting, loud. Sort of like Al. He says he's going to be my friend but I'm not sure about that. Sure, I'd like some friends, but I don't think he's able to fill that roll. I'm sure he has a lot of other friends that want his attention. Not to mention he's an attention hog himself. And he gave me this weird nickname. Birdie. I don't look like a bird! At least, I hope I don't... Anyways, I'm pretty sure I have food poisoning, so I'm probably going to stay home from school tomorrow. It seems like the only time I'm noticed is when I'm sick. And then, only Papa notices me. Maybe we'll get to spend time together tomorrow. That would be nice._

_Sincerely, Sick and Dying_

Matthew closed his notebook and slipped it back under his bed. He picked the bowl of soup up and began eating the now cooled down soup. Having tomorrow off of school would be nice. No one would notice him missing anyways. Unlike whenever Alfred didn't show up and half the students erupted into mass chaos. He sighed and soon finished the soup, setting it down. He didn't need to think about that. It only angered him.

He opened up his laptop but before it even fully turned on, he felt like he was going to throw up. He made a mad dash for the bathroom, slipping slightly on the linoleum, and made it just in time to spill his guts out in the toilet.

Moments later Francis was there, rubbing his back. "Are you okay Mathieu?" Matthew nodded weakly. "I'll get you some water." He left and came back a minute later with a glass of water which he gratefully took.

"Merci," he said, ridding his mouth of the awful taste.

Francis helped him up and back to his bed. "You're staying home from school tomorrow. And I'm packing your lunch from now on," He said and Matthew smiled a little and leaned over to hug him. Francis hugged him back and took the empty bowl. "I'm guessing you won't want more of this."

"No. I feel a little better now though," he said.

"Good," Francis said and fixed his hair for him, "Get some more rest now."

"I will," Matthew said and watched Francis leave. His papa was the only one that seemed to care for him. That's why he never tried to run away.

He woke up the next day to his phone going off. It was almost noon, lunch time at school. He wondered if anyone else had gotten food poisoning yesterday as groped for his phone. He grabbed it off the nightstand and peered at the screen. Three new messages from none other than Gilbert. He was shocked. Someone actually noticed him missing?

_Birdie where are you?_  
_Are you okay?_  
_Birdie answer me if you aren't dying!_

He sighed and decided he had to answer the idiot.

_I'm fine, just sick._

_Sick? With what?_

_Food poisoning._

_Get better! I miss you!_

He stared at the last message. Gilbert missed him? Did he mean that or was he just messing with him? He set down his phone, put on his glasses, and got up. He really didn't understand that guy.

He walked out to the kitchen and filled a glass of water. He was feeling a little better, but he didn't want to chance eating yet.

That was when it occurred to him he could watch TV in the living room for once. His own show choice, with no yelling Alfred. So he sat down on the couch, wrapped a blanket around himself, turned on the TV, and set it on a hockey game. Maybe he should do this more often.

"Oh Mathieu, you're awake," Francis' voice floated in and he looked over. "How are you feeling?"

"A little better," he said and Francis sat next to him.

"That's good. Would you like to try something to eat?" he asked and Matthew shook his head.

"No thanks, I-"

"Bloody hell Francis, could you stop leaving the bathroom a mess?" Arthur interrupted, walking over to him.

"It takes time for all this," he gestured to his long hair, "I don't mean to inconvenience you."

"You do it on purpose. Just to annoy me."

Francis laughed and stood up. "That is not true!" He grabbed the smaller man's wrists and pulled him against him.

"It is! Let me go!" Arthur yelled but Francis cut him off with a kiss.

Matthew looked away but smiled slightly. He liked it when his parents kissed; Arthur couldn't yell. Alfred, always had to be childish about it and made gagging just thought it was sweet.

Arthur glared at Francis after but ceased yelling, an obvious blush on his face. After all these years and they were still very much in love. He wished he could find that with someone.

Alfred burst in a few hours later and the first thing Matthew said was, "The TV is mine!" He even went so far as to sit on the remote. He wasn't giving up his hockey for some stupid cartoon.

But Alfred just laughed. "Don't worry bro, I have a social life, unlike you!" Before Matthew could even try to defend himself, the person that walked in after Alfred made him freeze.

"Oi Birdie, fancy meeting you here!" the albino grinned.

"G-Gilbert? W-What a-are you d-doing here?" he asked quietly.

"I have a social life too!" Gilbert laughed. Alfred had disappeared, leaving them alone. Gilbert leaned toward him and he sunk back into the couch a little. "How are you feeling?"

"L-Like I'm d-dying," he muttered somewhat sarcastically.

"Well you certainly look like it," Gilbert grinned and messed up his hair.

Matthew sighed and attempted to fix it. "C-Could y-you move? I-I'm t-trying to w-watch a g-game."

Gilbert stepped back and looked at the TV. "Hockey? You're such a Canadian."

"I-Is t-that a b-bad th-thing?" he asked crossly.

Gilbert looked back at him and flashed a smile. "No, it's cute."

"C-Cute?" he said.

"Ja. Cute," he smirked. Alfred came thumping down the stairs.

"Found it!" he yelled proudly, holding up a basketball.

"Awesome! Want to come watch a real sport Birdie?"

"N-Not really," he said. He was feeling much better but going somewhere with them would probably make things worse.

"Of course he wants to go. You just gotta get him up," Alfred grinned, spinning the ball on his finger.

Gilbert smirked and before Matthew even knew what was happening, Gilbert had him slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"You're light Birdie. Do you eat?" he laughed.

"P-put m-me d-down!" he stammered and Gilbert thankfully complied.

"Get your shoes on. We're going to the park," Alfred instructed and walked into the kitchen.

Matthew sighed and walked to the front door, slipping his shoes on. He looked up at Gilbert who was leaning against the wall. "W-why a-are y-you here? Y-You've never c-come o-over b-before," he asked. He didn't keep track of Alfred's many friends that stopped by- or even all the girls- but he was sure he'd remember Gilbert.

"I wanted to see you Birdie!" Gilbert answered and Matthew looked at him dumbly.

"M-me?" he asked.

"Ja you! Did I speak too quietly?" he lowered his voice to a whisper, mimicking him.

"D-Don't m-make f-fun of the w-way I s-speak," he said, getting slightly flustered.

"I would never do anything without your consent Birdie," he smiled, lowering his voice so that he wasn't mimicking him but it sounded like he was... flirting? Was Gilbert flirting with him? The mere thought made a small blush rise to his cheeks. No one ever paid enough attention to him to flirt, but he just figured he was straight, like Alfred.

"Alright let's go!" Alfred walked back in, armed with two bags of chips and a six pack of Coca Cola.

Gilbert took the chips in one hand and opened the door. He then grabbed Matthew's wrist and pulled him out behind him. Alfred walked out, dribbling the ball with one hand down the sidewalk.

After a few minutes, Gilbert slipped his hand down so they were now holding hands. Matthew had no idea why he blushed, but he did, and he immediately pulled away.

Gilbert just smiled at him and he looked ahead at Alfred, who walked into a park. There was a few little kids around, playing on the structure, but no one on the court.

Alfred ran ahead and sunk a shot into the net, cheering. "Two points to me!"

"That's cheating!" Gilbert accused and set the chips down on a bench.

"Is not," Alfred said and set the pop down before running back over to the court.

"Are you going to play, Birdie?"

Matthew shook his head and sat on the bench. "N-No, I-I'll j-just watch."

"Okay," Gilbert grinned and ran over to the net, stealing the ball from Alfred and making a shot.

Matthew watched them mess around for awhile. His stomach rumbled and he decided it couldn't hurt too bad if he had a few chips. He opened the bag of Doritos and nibbled on the cheesy goodness.

"That's game," Gilbert said after sinking the ball in.

"No! Rematch!" Alfred yelled. "You're cranky when you lose," Gilbert laughed.

"I didn't lose! I never lose! Now rematch!" Alfred demanded.

Gilbert laughed still and walked over to the bench. "Let's just take a break," he said and sat next to Matthew, slinging him arm around him. Matthew jumped slightly. "You're a nervous person, Birdie." He just shrugged and offered the chips to Gilbert, which he took. "Danke."

"You need to speak English once in awhile dude," Alfred said, chugging down a bottle of coke.

"You need to learn German," Gilbert said and grinned, "dummkopf."

"Was that an insult?"

"Maybe," Gilbert smirked and leaned closer to Matthew's ear, whispering, "it means dumb ass."

He couldn't help from laughing while Alfred whined. "What does it mean?!"

"Figure it out for yourself," Gilbert said.

Alfred huffed and took out his phone from his pocket. "How do you spell it?"

"If I told you then it would take all the fun out of it." Gilbert replied.

Matthew rolled his eyes, holding back a laugh. Gilbert was sort of amusing, but he wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

Alfred sighed and attempted to spell it. After a minute he gave up. "If I win next game you have to tell me."

"You're on," Gilbert said and stood up, stealing the ball from Alfred and making the first shot. The ball sailed in smoothly and Alfred quickly picked it up.

"Now who's cheating?" Alfred said.

"Still you," Gilbert laughed.

Matthew quickly lost interest in the game and looked over the the playground. The swing set was empty and he had an urge to go swing on it. He glanced back at the two before getting up and walking over to the swings. He sat down, and started moving, the structure creaking slightly under his weight. He closed his eyes and swung, enjoying the sensation of falling in the darkness.

**Wow I got a lot more feedback than I thought so I'm updating so soon as a thank you! I decided to not be lazy for once and actually do something since I feel all special. Thank you all soo much, and please review!**


	3. Things Matthew is Good At

Matthew leaned back on the swing, using his weight to push him higher. He gripped tighter onto the chain, not wanting to fall off. But... what if he did? What if he wanted to fall? All he had to do was just let go of the chains. If his head hit the ground hard enough then just maybe...

"Excuse me," a little voice interrupted him. Startled, he opened his eyes to see a little girl holding onto the chain of the swing next to him. He dragged his feet in the wood chips to stop and smiled at her.

"Yeah?"

"Can you teach me to swing? My mommy is too busy," the little girl said quietly.

Matthew looked around and saw quite a few mothers but wasn't sure which one was hers. He didn't exactly want to get yelled at for kidnapping or something.

"Sure," he answered anyways and the girl smiled, pulling herself up onto the swing next to his.

"My name is Paula," she said with a bright smile.

"I'm Matthew," he responded, "Now all you have to do is kick your legs and lean back a little." He demonstrated for her and she watched intently. She mimicked him, kicking her legs, but barely moved. Matthew stopped and got off the swing. "Here, let me help get you going," he said and gently pushed the swing from behind her. He moved to the side so he wouldn't get hit. "Now hold on tight and kick your legs. Not too fast. You want to bend your knees on the way back and straighten them out going forward."

She had a look of intense concentration on her face as she followed his instructions. "Am I doing it right?"

"You're doing great! Now lean back when you straighten your legs more so you can go higher," he said and watched her get slightly higher. "Good job. Practice makes perfect." She giggled and swung higher, enjoying her new found ability.

"Paula, get away from him!"

"But mommy he's my friend!" Paula whined and kept swinging. Matthew looked up and saw a worried mother marching over. He stepped away from the girl.

"Ma'am I-I w-was just t-teaching her h-how t-to swing," he stuttered nervously. The mother stopped the swing without a word and picked Paula up, who whined.

"Mommy stop! Maffew is nice!"

"Stay the hell away from my daughter, you creep," the mother snapped. Matthew looked at the ground in shame.

"S-Sorry," he said and walked away quickly. He wrapped his arms around himself and when he finally decided to look up, Gilbert and Alfred were staring at him.

"Dude, what the hell just happened?" Alfred asked when he got close enough.

"N-Nothing," he shook his head and sat on the bench.

"You're good with kids, Birdie. We heard her crying from over here. That lady freaked out over nothing," Gilbert supplied in an attempt to make him feel better.

Matthew shrugged. He didn't think he was good with kids, he wasn't around them often. For reasons like that lady mostly.

"Mattie is great with kids. Whenever we visit Artie's family the kids just swarm around him," Alfred said. Matthew shrugged again. Kids were the only ones that seemed to notice him. They made him feel happy.

"Artie?" Gilbert asked.

"Arthur. Our dad," Alfred said.

Gilbert nodded and grabbed a coke, drinking it. "I won again, so do you want to play again or call it quits?"

"We're gonna play again. I never admit defeat!" Alfred declared and ran back onto the court, picking up the ball.

Gilbert rolled his eyes and set the drink down. "Your bruder needs help."

"M-Mental h-help," Matthew agreed with a small laugh.

Gilbert laughed. "I'm going to let him win this time so he doesn't cry," he said and walked back onto the court.

Matthew looked over at the playground and saw neither Paula nor her mother. He felt terrible for... wait. He didn't do anything wrong. He was teaching the girl something the mother was incapable of doing herself. He was unjustly yelled at for being a creep. He was just trying to help! He shook his head and stored his anger away. No use getting mad over it. He sighed and watched them play basketball while his previous good mood slipped away once more.

Eventually they left, Alfred boasting about how great he was at basketball and how he "totally killed it, dude!". Gilbert shook his head but didn't tell Alfred that he let him win. Alfred was grinning like an idiot and acting out the winning shot.

"So, Birdie, is he always like this or just around friends?"

"A-Always," he answered.

"I feel so bad for you."

Matthew shrugged, thinking about telling Gilbert he acted almost the same way. Almost.

Gilbert was more... aware. He seemed to notice when his boasting became too much, even if he didn't stop. Alfred, on the other hand, was dense. Not that he wanted to be mean or anything. He just wished he had more confidence like them so he could stand up for himself. He was surprised that he actually stood up for himself with that mother. Admittedly, not very well, but it was a start. Gilbert and Alfred had an abundance of confidence where he had little to none. Maybe it was rubbing off on him or something.

He left his thoughts behind as he walked inside their house. "Video games!" Alfred announced and grinned.

"Awesome," Gilbert said, "Birdie are you going to play with us?"

"O-Oh, um, n-no th-thanks," he declined. Playing video games with Alfred was a bad idea. He always had to be the "Hero".

"It'll be fun!" Gilbert urged and grabbed his wrist, dragging Matthew to Alfred's room.

He sighed and followed, sitting himself down on Alfred's bed next to Gilbert. Alfred set up his Xbox, the newest model, of course, and threw a controller at Gilbert who caught it easily.

Alfred sat back in his gaming chair and set up the game. Some shooter game, Matthew didn't pay much attention. He was too distracted by Gilbert's arm occasionally brushing against his. After a while he started to think it was on purpose. When Gilbert did it once more, he discreetly glanced at him to see a smirk on his face. He was doing this on purpose! But... why? Why would he... could he... maybe he really did... Matthew couldn't even begin to finish his thoughts. He didn't want to. Why over react to nothing? Yeah, it was absolutely nothing.

He abruptly stood up, muttered an excuse for leaving, and walked out. He went straight to his room, closed the door, and huddled up on his bed. He grabbed his polar bear, something he'd had as long as he could remember- he liked to believe it was from his birth mom- and hugged him for comfort.

He didn't know what Gilbert wanted from him. As far as he could tell, Gilbert was straight. So he could have been smirking because he just did something great in the game.

And Matthew didn't hang out with people much, so maybe that was normal. He gave himself excuse after excuse, delaying the inevitable thought. Once he thoroughly convinced himself he was just overreacting, he calmed down, and left his room.

He wasn't going back into Alfred's room, where gunshots and yells could be heard. Instead he headed for the kitchen, where his Papa was making dinner.

"Would you like some help?" Matthew asked. Francis jumped in surprise and looked at him, quickly covering it with a warm smile.

"Oui, I would love some help," he answered, and Matthew washed his hands.

Cooking was one of the things he excelled at. He always liked to help out his Papa, who had taught him. He always cooked everything from scratch, and whatever he made tasted amazing.

Alfred came out when they were almost done, Gilbert trailing behind him.

"Alfred is your friend staying for dinner?" Francis asked.

"No, but thanks for the offer," Gilbert said politely. Francis nodded and Matthew let him finish to set the table. He got out the plates and started placing them on the table. "So you like too cook, Birdie?" Gilbert suddenly asked, very close to his ear.

He jumped, nearly dropping the plates in shock. He recomposed himself and set the plates down carefully.

"Y-Yes," he mumbled, stepping away from him.

"That's cute. What's your favorite thing to cook?" Gilbert asked as he turn to gather the silverware and hide the blush forming on his cheeks from being called 'cute'.

"P-Pancakes," he answered and set everything in its respective place.

"I like pancakes. Maybe you could make them for me sometime, if you want. I bet yours are awesome."

Matthew nodded. "Y-yeah, they a-are, th-thanks."

Gilbert grinned, "I gotta get going. Bye guys."

"See ya," Alfred said.

Gilbert nodded and left, Matthew relaxing slightly now that it was just family around him.

"Who did that boy come here to see?" Francis asked as soon as the door closed. Alfred and Matthew both gave him a look.

"Me, obviously," Alfred said.

"It didn't seem that way to me," Francis smiled and looked pointedly at Matthew.

He stared back. "What do you mean?"

"He called you cute!" Francis swooned and hugged him. Matthew stood there limply and sighed.

"Yeah, so?"

Francis held onto his shoulders and smiled at him. "So he likes you!"

Blush spread over Matthew's face. "N-No, he doesn't," he denied.

"Oui! And you like him too!"

"I'm not gay," he muttered and Francis just laughed.

"You don't know until you try it."

"Gross," Alfred supplied, watching this interaction for lack of anything better to do.

"Yeah, I have to agree with Al on that one. Gross."

"You'll change you're mind," he assured Matthew, letting him go, "he's a cute one so you don't want to let him get away."

"You were checking him out?" Alfred asked in disgust.

"Of course not. I was merely admiring his unique features."

"Uh huh," Alfred said and Matthew couldn't help from laughing as Francis flipped him off.

**Hi guys! I am so so so sorry this took over a week to update. My hard drive failed and it had to be taken in and completely re-installed, ugh! I know this is shorter since it's just filler but it does help character development a little bit. Also that little girl Paula I decided is Wy as a little kid since I just hate putting OCs into fanfiction. Thanks to all you lovely people for reading and hopefully not hating me for this delay.**


	4. Sad and Hurt Canadian

The next morning as he walked to school, he was actually looking forward to seeing Gilbert. Not because of anything his Papa said, but because it seemed like Gilbert wouldn't be forgetting him anytime soon. As he walked up to the school, he noticed a shock of white against the ugly brown building. He knew it was Gilbert, and he hurried up to greet him when he noticed he wasn't alone.

Gilbert was pressing some girl against the wall, making out with her, despite the biting cold. He had opened his mouth to speak but his throat constricted at the sight of this.

His good mood plummeted and he ran inside, away from Gilbert and the girl.

He made it to first hour and immediately put his head down, holding back his emotions of anger and sadness. He thought that he got what he wanted, a friend, nothing more. He had denied Gilbert liking him yesterday, and it turned out to be true. So then why did he feel crushed? The little voice in his head was laughing at his stupidity. He tried to block it out, but it was impossible. He shook slightly, clenching his hands into fists. He knew he could burst out crying in class and nobody would notice. And that only served to piss him off further.

"Birdie, what's wrong?" Gilbert asked moments later, gently touching his shoulder. Of course, it would be Gilbert. He looked up at him, holding back his tears still.

"N-Nothing," he said and swallowed thickly. He couldn't blame Gilbert for anything. All his problems started way before he met him. Gilbert just happened to be that one person to notice him. Matthew didn't want to bother him with his feelings. He could just bottle it all up, like always.

"You're lying again," Gilbert accused.

He shrugged and the bell rang, saving him from further interrogation. "Y-You have t-to s-sit down."

"Like hell I will," Gilbert said and set his hands on Matthew's desk, leaning over to look closer at him. "Now answer my question."

He looked down at the desk, some hair falling in his face. "I-I'm fine," he said softly, setting his hands in his lap.

"Birdie, you're not fine," Gilbert argued.

"Gilbert, please sit down," the teacher told him impatiently.

"But I'm trying to-"

"Now," the teacher interrupted. Gilbert glared but didn't move. "Did you hear me? Sit down or I'm sending you to the office."

Gilbert muttered something in German and went to his seat, everyone in class watching him. Matthew sighed in relief. But not two minutes later, his phone vibrated in his pocket and he jumped. No one seemed to even glance as him. As usual. He pulled out his phone and saw it was a text from Gilbert, who was sitting just three rows away.

_Tell me what's wrong!_

He glanced over at Gilbert to see him already looking at him. He mouthed the words he'd just texted and Matthew shook his head, putting his phone away. Even if he wanted to tell him, he didn't have the time. It would be a long story.

He tried to listen as the teacher talked about an upcoming project, but he just couldn't pay attention. Partly because Gilbert kept sending him texts, which he deliberately ignored by turning his phone on silent. The teacher quickly found out and made Gilbert hand over his phone, which he did begrudgingly.

Matthew sighed and knew this was going to be a long day. His first 3 classes dragged on, so by lunch, he was ready to go home. Francis had packed his lunch that morning like he promised, so he walked outside. It was freezing still, but he liked it better than being inside. He opened his lunch and nibbled on his food, not very hungry.

"Hallo, Birdie!" Gilbert yelled across the courtyard and walked over. He plopped down across from him and smiled. "How's your day been?" Matthew stared at his tray and shrugged. "So about this morning... are you still feeling sick? Or is it something else?" He shrugged again, not wanting to answer anything. "It's something else isn't it? I can tell so don't say it isn't. If something's wrong, maybe I can help."

Matthew finally looked over at him. Gilbert had a look of genuine concern on his face.

"You c-can't-" his voice broke off and he shook his head, looking back down at the table.

A moment later, an arm slung around his shoulders. He jumped in surprise, even though he knew it was Gilbert. "Well I can't help if you don't tell me."

Matthew shook his head, "I-It's fine. D-Don't worry about i-it."

"Wait, what did you say?"

"I-I said, d-don't worry about i- it," he sighed.

Gilbert started laughing and he looked up at him in alarm. "I heard what you said but I've never heard anyone say it like that!"

"W-What?" Matthew asked, clearly confused.

"The way you said 'about'. It sounded like 'a boot'," he cackled.

He frowned. "W-What's wrong with th-the way I-I say about?"

He smiled and nudged him. "Nothing. Where the hell are you from?"

"Y-You a-already know. C-Canada," he answered, allowing a bit of pride to swell in his voice.

"Oh, yeah! That's so awesome!"

"R-Really?" He asked. His brother teased him for being from Canada, but in reality, they were both Canadian. Alfred just refused to accept it. How did he think twins were born?

"Of course! Is it true they're always so polite and nice?"

Matthew shrugged and muttered, "have you met Al?"

He hadn't meant for Gilbert to hear that but Gilbert laughed loudly. "Mein Gott that's so true!"

Matthew laughed a little and a blush dusted his cheeks. Gilbert noticed and smirked, continuing to talk.

Soon the bell rang and he walked Matthew to his next class, talking to him the whole time. Matthew listened, almost genuinely interested. Almost. Gilbert was a little too... arrogant, no, narcissistic for his own good. It was kind of funny... in an annoying sort of way.

During fourth hour, he tentatively raised his hand to answer questions, but was never called on. Even when the rest of the class didn't participate, and he was the only one, the teacher looked through him. This happened all the time, but once in awhile he got lucky enough to be called on. This just wasn't one of those times. With a sigh, he attended fifth hour, where he took a math test on what he was supposed to learn yesterday. Finally, in sixth hour, Gilbert poked his arm the whole hour and talked to him, getting into trouble with the teacher a few times.

Even so, Gilbert was still went on about what was wrong with Matthew, even though he kept telling the other boy he was fine. He was even almost starting to convince himself he was fine until after school.

He had just closed his locker when his head was slammed into the metal. He groaned as his head spun, trying to catch up with what just happened. A hand fisted in his shirt collar and yanked Matthew toward the person. It was one of the football jocks by the looks of it. He snarled at Matthew and held him so close to his face, his feet could barely touch the ground.

"Jones," he breathed hot breath into his face. Matthew stared at him in fear and helplessness. "Do you know what you did?" Matthew continued to stare. The other one growled and shook him, "you know what you did! Don't look so stupid and innocent!"

"I-I-" Matthew attempted to speak but the jock cut him off by slamming him into the lockers once more. He gasped in pain as a lock jammed into his spine. Moments later, a fist was slamming into his face, directly to his nose.

He cried out in pain as he felt something crack and his glasses crushed against his face.

The pain was dizzying and his vision blacked out. When he opened his eyes again, he was sliding to the floor. He heard laughing and the jock kicked his stomach, making him cough violently. "Stay away from me and my girl, Jones!" He threatened one last time and he left with his posse.

Matthew caught his breath and pushed himself up so he was sitting, leaning his head against the lockers. He took off his glasses, his nose throbbing. His glasses were crooked and messed up, but so was his nose. He looked up and saw only a few people in the hall, completely ignoring the injured boy on the floor. There were no teachers either, no one that even tried to break up the fight.

He shakily stood up, placing his backpack on and holding his glasses in his hand. He trudged home, alone, and holding back tears of frustration and pain. He hated being beat up because of his brother. He hated it! But there just wasn't anything he could do about it. He thought about trying to hit back but the one time he tried that, it just made things worse. All he could do was take it and try to stay strong.

He walked inside and immediately went to his room to drop his bag on the ground. He set his glasses down and went into the bathroom to examine his nose. It was black and blue, swelling, but thankfully looked straight still. He grabbed a tissue and wiped the blood that was dripping out of his nose. Then he gingerly touched the bridge of his nose and gasped at the shock of pain. He wondered if he should bother to tell someone or if it would heal without seeing a doctor. He would just have to be careful.

Matthew went into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer. He wrapped it in a cloth and set in on his nose, pain coursing through him as he waited for the cold to take over. He got a glass of water and Ibuprofen, and took that. He leaned against the counter and took a few deep, shaky breaths, trying to calm down.

Once he pulled himself together, he walked back to his room, not seeing anyone in his family. Not like they would see him anyways.

He went to his dresser and grabbed his back up pair of glasses. He always had a back up pair, in case of instances like these. He set them carefully on his nose, wincing at the pain, before deciding to just leave them off. It wasn't like he had anything to see. Contrary to popular belief, people who were farsighted, like him and Alfred, could see perfectly fine up close.

He opened his laptop and watched another episode of Supernatural, trying to ignore his own pain and focus on what kind of creature or demon was on a rampage now. That was pretty much he did all day. He even skipped dinner, his sore stomach not up for food. No one came to check up on him, probably didn't even notice he was missing. He thought he'd gotten through the whole day without any more social activity when he received a text at ten o' clock. From none other than Gilbert.

_What's up Birdie?_

_Watching Supernatural. _He reluctantly texted back.

_You watch that too!?_

_Yea_

_That's awesome!_

_I guess_

_Maybe we could watch it together some time. What episode are you on?_

Matthew stared at the text and considered this. Gilbert actually wanted to watch it with him? It was still hard to believe he was even texting him.

_Season 5, episode 2._

_Awesome, I just started season 5! I'll catch up so we can watch it and you can listen to my awesome commentary._

_Yea. Sounds like fun_

He talked with Gilbert until he fell asleep an hour later. He awoke to a throbbing nose and a splitting headache. He decided to take another day off. He wasn't one to play hooky, but sometimes he needed to stay home. Not like his B average was going to get better any time soon.

He fell asleep again and this time woke up at noon. He got up and went to the bathroom. He checked his nose and it looked worse, if anything. He sighed and used the bathroom. When he walked out, he heard a loud moan... Coming from his parents room. He groaned and quickly shut the door to his room. He shoved his ear buds in and turned on his laptop, trying to block out the sound and forget what he'd heard.

Didn't his parents have jobs? He hoped an episode of Supernatural would block out the sound of their... activities.

While the intro played, his phone buzzed, startling him slightly, and he picked it up. He had a few messages from Gilbert he had received while sleeping.

_Where are ya Birdie?_  
_Missing out on all the fun!_  
_The lunch table looks lonely outside._  
_Skipping school is so not awesome of you!_

_I'm sorry, I don't feel good. _He texted back, thinking that it was mostly true. He definitely didn't feel good.

_Do you need me to come over and help you feel better?_

_No thanks_

He shook his head at the implications of the last text. Gilbert reminded him of an easily jealous girlfriend when he texted: often, with growing impatience, concern, and sexual tendencies. It was funny and annoying at the same time.

Gilbert continued to text him while he watched the show, and Matthew wondered if he'd get his phone taken away for texting in class again. Surprisingly, he didn't, somehow evading the eyes of the teacher. He asked again if Matthew wanted him to make things feel better, and he politely declined once more.

**I really couldn't help myself with the FrUk there, they don't get much attention in this story, so sad I know! And I'm on a Supernatural kick so yes, there's going to be quite a bit of it mentioned in here (sorry to those of you who don't like it or watch it). Also that really mean guy, just a small OC. I can't make any of them so mean to Mattie, I wouldn't be able to look at them the same. Anyways, I hope you liked, more to come soon! I send out my love to all of you in the spirit of Valentines day!**


	5. Quiet Darkness

He heard his brother the moment he walked in, being his usual loud and obnoxious self. Matthew waited for Al to burst in his room and ask about his nose, but that didn't happen. Even though he didn't want to explain it to him, he felt disappointed. He probably didn't even notice he stayed home from school that day.

If Alfred wasn't going to talk to him, then he would just have to write in his journal. He pulled it out from under his bed and opened it to a clean page.

_I have no idea what's going on with Al, but __I've__ been getting beaten up a lot worse lately on behalf of him. He usually doesn't notice me, but he hasn't come in the bother me at all. Strange, right? Maybe he's hiding something. Like weed. Or a bunch of hamburgers he stole from McDonald's since he's broke. Most likely hamburgers, what was I thinking? Oh yeah, getting beat up. A guy broke my nose only a few days after I got food poisoning. What are the odds? And one thing I've noticed is that Alfred always seems perfectly fine. No bruises or scars from fights. How is he avoiding these?! Doesn't make any sense. But neither does Gilbert. Or my entire life, really.  
Sincerely, Still Questioning my Existence_

He put his journal safely away and resumed being a recluse that most definitely didn't have a journal. Sometime later there was a knock on the front door. "Matthew, there's someone here to see you," Arthur said, his voice right outside his room.

Matthew got up in confusion and opened his door. "Who?"

"Some git who introduced himself as 'The Awesome Me'," Arthur sighed and walked away, not even noticing his broken nose.

Matthew drew in his breath in surprise. He had told Gilbert twice that he didn't need to come over and make him feel better. Yet he walked into the living room and there he was. He froze as Gilbert noticed him and grinned.

"Oi, Birdie. Which one is you?" he asked, looking at a picture hung on the wall.

Matthew walked over and looked at it. "I- I'm on the r-right," he clarified. It was a family portrait, taken when he was about 5. Back then, Alfred and him looked almost exactly alike.

"Of course. You are the cuter one," Gilbert said.

He blushed slightly and looked at the ground. "G-Gilbert, w-why are y-you here?"

"To see you. Can't have my little Birdie all lonely and hurt. So what's wrong?" Matthew looked at him now and Gilbert frowned. "What did you do to your nose? Break it?"

"Um... w-well," he debated between lying and telling him the truth. First he just had to get some words out of his mouth. "Uh, I-I was in a f-fight."

"You, in a fight? You mean more like you were hit and didn't even try to hit back?" Matthew shrugged. That's how it usually went. "That's not a fight! That's bull crap! Who hit you?"

"O-One of th-the jocks," Matthew said and paused, "H-He thought I was A-Al... Again."

"Again? You mean this happens a lot?" Gilbert asked, sounding like a concerned parent. Matthew nodded. Gilbert sighed, "Wow. Don't worry Birdie, I'll protect you from now on. Just think of me as your personal bodyguard."

"O-Okay," Matthew agreed, knowing Gilbert would be his "bodyguard" anyway. Just like how he came over when he was told not to.

Gilbert grinned. "Good. Now I have our homework from first hour." He pulled out a piece of folded paper from his pocket and handed it to Matthew. He took it and unfolded it. "I chose you as my project buddy so you wouldn't be all alone."

"Oh, um, th-thanks," Matthew said, skimming over the words on the pages. It didn't seem too hard. Something about a war they had to research and present to the class. "D-Do you want t-to get s-started on it?"

"Sure Birdie. Let's go to your room. You have a computer in there, right?"

Matthew nodded and led Gilbert to his room. Gilbert quickly made himself at home by flopping down on the bed. He closed his eyes and stretched his arms behind his head. "Wake me up in an hour."

"Uh..." Matthew stood awkwardly and looked at him.

After a few seconds, Gilbert started laughing and opened his eyes. "I'm kidding Birdie. You should see your face right now! Priceless."

Matthew blinked, trying keep up with him. "Uh... o-okay." He moved over to his bed and sat on the edge, turning his laptop on. Gilbert rolled over onto his stomach and propped his head up with his hands on his chin and his elbows on the bed.

"Your background is awesome!" Gilbert said.

"Th-Thanks," Matthew smiled slightly. His background was of them on vacation to Florida last year. They were all on the beach, smiling and posing as a stranger took the picture for them. It was a pretty fun vacation, even if he was stranded downtown and forgotten about...

Matthew opened up the browser. "O- Okay, which w-war are we going t-to pick?"

"I was thinking about the Austrian Succession. Prussia is in it. And Prussia is awesome."

"Y-You mean East G-Germany?" Matthew asked, typing it in. He'd only ever seen Prussia in a couple history textbooks but never learned much about it.

"Ja. East Germany is the best Germany. Which is where I'm from," he smirked and nudged him with his elbow," I know, it's so awesome, you're speechless."

"Yeah, that's why," Matthew muttered under his breath and clicked on a link. Gilbert read the article out loud, inserting "The Awesome" before he said Prussia every time. When he finished, they were able to start the packet to organize their oral report. It only took an hour before Gilbert completely lost interest in the homework.

"You want to take a break, Birdie?"

"B-But we just s-started," he protested, in the middle of writing a sentence.

"Come on, let's go do something else. We're almost halfway done with the packet anyways."

Matthew sighed and finished the sentence. "F-Fine. W-What do you want t-to do?"

Gilbert grinned. "Let's just take a walk."

"A-A walk?"

"You're not deaf are you? I said a walk. Unless your broken nose is affecting your legs," Gilbert smirked and got up.

Matthew rolled his eyes and shut his laptop. "M-My ears a-and my legs are j-just fine."

"Gut. Now let's go."

Matthew sighed and got up. He went out to the living room and slipped his shoes on, letting Gilbert lead him out.

"W-Where are w-we going?" he asked.

"You'll see," Gilbert answered ominously.

"O-Okay," he said, wondering just where Gilbert could be taking him. It could be his own house or something like a tattoo parlor or a bar that served to underage kids. Gilbert kind of seemed like a person that did illegal things. But he quickly found out Gilbert had quite the opposite in mind. "The p-park?" he asked in disbelief.

"Did you think I was taking you to do something illegal?" Gilbert laughed, apparently having read his thoughts, "not yet Birdie, you might have a panic attack if I did that." He walked over to the swings and sat, starting to swing. "Come on Birdie, don't just stand there."

Matthew quickly scanned the area for over- bearing mothers then sat down. He started moving slightly, just enough to keep his feet dragging over the wood chips.

It was silent besides the laughing and yelling of children for a few minutes, before Gilbert spoke, answering his unsaid question.

"I brought you here because I noticed you looked calm and happy while swinging and helping out that little girl."

Matthew looked at him in surprise. "R-Really?"

"Was I not allowed to look at you to make sure you didn't leave?" Gilbert said and smiled, slowing down the swing's pace.

Matthew shrugged and noticed it was silent now. The last children had left and the birds and squirrels were even calming down for the night. The only sound was the creaking of the swings and the occasional car. He looked up at the sky and took in the nice silence. It was one of those silences that wasn't awkward and you didn't want to break. But he noticed that the sun was already setting quickly, the last rays of light making the sky swirls of pink and gold.

"W-We should go s-soon," he said, finally breaking the silence.

"Afraid of the dark?" Gilbert teased.

"N-No," he said, looking at him. The last ray of sun caught his white hair and made Gilbert look almost luminous. Matthew caught himself staring at him, almost as if memorizing his face. Gilbert smiled at him and for once he didn't turn away and returned the smile. Gilbert grabbed the chain of his swing and pulled it so he could put one hand around both chains, bringing Matthew closer to him.

"Birdie," he said a little quieter, a darkness settling over the sky and dulling his features.

But Matthew had already memorized them. He stared into Gilbert's dark red eyes and leaned slightly closer to hear him. "You don't need to be afraid around me. I'll protect you. I promise."

"P-Promise?" Matthew asked softly in surprise, his voice just barely a whisper, which is how he usually talked.

"Ja," Gilbert said, "And I don't care if you say no. I never take no as an answer." Matthew nodded slightly in understanding and loosened his nervous grip on his chain. His hand was just below Gilbert's, who was still holding their swings together. Gilbert brushed his thumb over the back of Matthew's hand with a warm smile and suddenly let his swing go.

He swung sideways and dragged his feet on the ground to stop. He looked at Gilbert accusingly, feeling a small tingle in his hand where Gilbert touched. "W-What was that f-for?" he asked, not exactly sure what he was asking about.

Gilbert laughed loudly, disturbing the quietness around them. "I bet I can swing higher than you," he challenged, completely avoiding the question. Maybe he wasn't sure how to answer either.

"Y-You're on," Matthew said, tightening his grip on the swing and kicked off the ground, swinging himself higher and higher.

Gilbert laughed and swung with him. As soon as they got high enough, the metal structure creaked in protest and leaned forward, as if about to tip over. Matthew immediately dug his feet into the ground and stopped the swing in panic. He didn't want the whole structure falling over.

"Ich gewinne!" Gilbert laughed as he continued to swing, not caring they could have just gotten hurt. Matthew watched Gilbert's hair fly up and down as he swung, a light shade in the darkness.

"You're c-crazy," he said.

"I'm saner than you," Gilbert grinned, "I laugh in the face of danger! Ha!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "W-we should r-really get going."

"I was planning to be out here awhile longer, Birdie. Don't make me stay here alone."

Matthew knew he wasn't going to sleep for another 2 hours, so he stayed with Gilbert. Eventually, Gilbert walked him home, once again in their comfortable silence.

"You know Birdie," Gilbert said once they were a couple houses before his, "I hate being quiet. Hate it. I can't stand tests where I have to be silent for an hour. I have to talk, and you've probably noticed this," he paused as he walked up the steps onto the porch before continuing. "But with you, I like it. I get why you're quiet. It's peaceful, right?" Matthew shrugged in response. Gilbert shoved his hands in his pockets. "Maybe you could help me with being quieter and I could help you with being louder... We can help each other."

"O-Okay," he agreed. Gilbert smiled and reached his hand up. He hesitated as if he was going to touch his cheek, but instead moved up to his head and he messed up his hair.

"Awesome. Gute Nacht mein kleiner Birdie," he said and turned away, jumping down the steps and heading down the sidewalk. Matthew stood and watched him, guessing at what he said, until he turned the corner and disappeared. He opened the door, thankful it was still unlocked, and walked in. He locked it behind him, took off his shoes, and went to hole up in his room for the night.

As soon as he laid down, his nose started throbbing with renewed intensity. Ever since Gilbert had taken him to the park, he'd forgotten about his broken nose. He took off his glasses and closed his eyes, exhausted, and thought of the kind things Gilbert had said to him. His nose pain was quickly forgotten as he fell asleep, thinking of Gilbert.

**Translations-**

**Ich gewinne!- I win!  
****Gute Nacht mein kleiner Birdie- Good night my little Birdie**

**Sweet Gilbert is adorable. I bet you all thought that when they went to his room something was going to happen but nope! And then again at the park! *evil laugh* Matthew is totally, completely, 100% straight. Totally. Like a bubble with all its straight edges (Can you tell I failed my geometry final last year? whoops) Until next time, stay cool! (Unless you live in a place that is hot then lucky you, can I visit? So cold here..)**


	6. Dream of Me

The next day, Matthew decided he should go to school before he got too far behind on work. He put a band aid over his nose that morning to keep the swelling down. It looked stupid but nobody would even notice, so he didn't care.

He grabbed the homework he missed yesterday from the absent folder and read it over. It was an introduction to the project they did yesterday at his house. He was about to stuff it in his bag, but jumped when hands landed on his desk. He looked up to see Gilbert.

"We didn't watch supernatural together yesterday," he said, looking completely serious.

"O-Oh," he said, setting down the paper, "S-Sorry."

"We have to watch it today, okay?" Gilbert said and smiled as Matthew nodded in compliance. "Awesome. And then we can finish the project or something."

"O-Okay," Matthew agreed and got out his folder, putting the paper in. It turned out that they got the class period to work on the project. Which for most of the people in class meant screwing around. This included Gilbert, who moved over to a group of people to talk. The girls were giggling and were practically throwing themselves at Gilbert and the other guys. That's why he didn't like girls.

Wait... what did he just think? He blinked and looked away from them. What he meant to think was those girls. Those specific, slutty girls, flirting with Gilbert. That's what he meant to think. Well... not because they were flirting with Gilbert. He could care less who flirted with him.

He sighed and stopped his line of thinking before his could confuse himself more. So he attempted to do the project. He tried to read about the Austrian succession from a textbook, but every time he heard Gilbert laugh or say something, he lost focus. Obviously something was wrong with himself today. He just wasn't sure what. He spent the rest of the hour reading the textbook and listening to Gilbert. The next few classes he was able to completely focus just fine, and he figured he wasn't awake enough to concentrate first hour. That sounded right.

At lunch, he sat outside. By some miracle, his papa remembered to make his lunch so he began eating that. Gilbert soon sat across from him, which didn't surprise him. "How's your nose, Birdie?" he said by way of greeting.

"F-Fine, I guess," he said and shrugged.

"Good. Did you have fun last night?"

Matthew thought back to yesterday and looked down at the table to hide a small smile at the memory. "Y-Yeah."

"Awesome. I was thinking we could go back tonight."

"Oh, um, o-okay," he agreed.

Gilbert grinned, "It's gonna be even more fun, just wait and see." Matthew nodded and got up to throw the rest of his lunch away.

After that, he went to his last classes which were uneventful. Gilbert came over after school and they watched Supernatural together. Al was, thankfully, somewhere else, so they got to watch it in peace.

"Dean is so gay for Castiel," Gilbert proclaimed.

Matthew laughed, "Y-Yea he is. Did y-you hear about s-season eleven?"

"Ja! I'm so excited because I might get to watch it on TV if I watch the other six seasons fast enough," Gilbert said and bounced on the bed slightly.

He nodded and smiled, "Th-That would be c-cool."

Gilbert grinned and watched the show with him. They watched two episodes, almost finished the report, then watched another two episodes. By the time Gilbert said to leave for the park, it was getting dark.

They walked to the park, the air cooler than yesterday, but not bothering him much. There wasn't anybody there due to the late hour and temperature, so they had the whole place to themselves.

"Oi, Birdie," Gilbert said and Matthew looked at him. Gilbert poked his shoulder. "You're it," he laughed and ran away, toward the play structure.

Matthew rolled his eyes but chased after him. Gilbert ran onto the structure and Matthew pursued. He followed Gilbert down a slide, under the structure, and up a miniature rock wall. Gilbert laughed and taunted him the whole time. Until Matthew caught him, of course.

"You're it, Gil," he grinned and ran off.

But Gilbert just stood there. Matthew stopped and looked at him. "W-What's wrong?"

"You didn't stutter," Gilbert said and grinned, "you said three complete words."

"O-Oh," Matthew said, feeling embarrassed.

"That's progress, Birdie," he said and ran over, tagging him. "You're it again."

Matthew tried hitting him back immediately but Gilbert kept just out of his reach. He ran toward the swings and he ran after.

Gilbert sat down on the same swing as last time. Matthew stopped in front of him and tapped his arm.

"I g-got you," he said, catching his breath.

"That you did, Birdie. Sit down and swing now," Gilbert said, kicking off the ground.

Matthew sat and started swinging.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes, the creaking of the swing set the only sound.

"This thing needs some WD-40," Gilbert said.

Matthew glanced up at the hinges and nodded. "Y-Yeah," he agreed and looked back to Gilbert. It was so dark now that he could just make out Gilbert's outline in the moonlight. He hadn't even noticed how dark it had gotten.

"Do you think we're too old to play on swings?"

"You're n-never too old," Matthew said, swinging a little higher. The cold air stung his face but it barely bothered him.

"So we could be like 60 and come to the park to swing? Wouldn't that be creepy?"

He laughed, "M-maybe if y-you bring your grand kids it w-would be okay."

"Good idea. I'd be an awesome grandpa," Gilbert grinned. Well, he couldn't see his grin, so much as hear it in his voice.

"I-I bet y-you would," Matthew agreed.

Gilbert stopped his swing and pulled out his phone. His screen lit up, almost blinding in the darkness. "It's almost 9," he stated and moved his thumbs quickly over the screen, probably texting someone back.

"D-Did you want t-to go?" Matthew asked, stopping as well.

"No, I don't have a curfew or anything. Unless you do."

"N-No, I can s-stay."

Gilbert grinned and pocketed his phone, the darkness swallowing them once again. "Awesome."

"Y-You say that a l-lot."

"Because it's an awesome word," Gilbert said and leaned toward him. Matthew could see his red eyes now, which looked almost black in the darkness. "Don't you think so?"

Matthew laughed slightly, "Y-Yea. Awesome i-is a pretty g-good word."

"Do you have a favorite word, Birdie?"

"N-Not really."

"Well then we're gonna find you one," Gilbert said. He put his hand around the swing chain and pulled him closer. "Okay?"

"O-Okay," Matthew agreed.

"Come here, I want to try something," Gilbert said quietly, tightening his hand around the chains.

"W-What?" Matthew asked, staying in place.

"Just... come here. Don't you trust me?" Gilbert asked, his voice wavering. He seemed a little nervous, but he had no idea why.

"Um, y-yeah," he said and leaned closer. He could now see Gilbert's features better, but his eyes settled on his lips. "S-So, what a-are you gonna d-do?"

Gilbert smiled and closed the few inches of space between their lips. He pressed his lips against Matthew's, and all he could do was sit in shock for a moment. _Gilbert was kissing him._ That's all he could think during those few seconds that felt like minutes before Gilbert pulled back.

He felt incredibly hot even though it was freezing outside and his heart was beating hard. Gilbert was looking at him, seemingly calm.

"I... I..." he couldn't say anything, just stare at Gilbert who was still very close to him.

"Birdie, your lips are really soft," Gilbert said lowly and even more heat rose to his cheeks, if that was possible.

"O-Oh, um..."

"You're cute when you're flustered. I mean, you're always cute, but even more so."

"C-Cute?" Matthew stammered, still not fully processing that a guy just kissed him.

"Ja, you're cute. And funny, and smart and... and I really, really like you." Gilbert said, smiling almost shyly, like he'd used up all his confidence.

"Y-You... l-like m-me?" Matthew asked, only able to repeat what Gilbert said.

"Well, um, Ja... since the day I met you." Gilbert said and let the chain go. Matthew's swing swung sideways but he kept his eyes firmly locked on Gilbert, who looked down at his knees and continued talking. "I know it's only been a few days and, um, it's way too soon to even think that but... whenever I look at you I can't think straight and... and when you smile or laugh it's just... beautiful."

Matthew stared at him wordlessly, not knowing what to say. So Gilbert let the silence hang there for a few minutes, which was awkward but with a sense of that same peace from earlier.

"You should smile more. I want to help you smile more," Gilbert said and cast his eyes toward him.

"Y-You do?" he asked.

"Ja, I really do."

"So... w-what about those g-girls?" Matthew asked.

Gilbert shrugged. "They don't matter. I'm bi, in case you were wondering," he paused, "Wait, is that what you were all upset about, like, three days ago?"

"Um... k-kind of," Matthew muttered, "I-I'm not sure."

Gilbert grinned, "You're jealous. You like me too, admit it."

"W-What, n-no," Matthew denied and thanked the darkness for hiding the blush returning to his face.

"You do!" Gilbert said and poked his shoulder.

"I- I'm not gay," Matthew said.

"Then why didn't you pull away when I kissed you?"

"Um, I, uh...I w-was in sh-shock."

"Ja, because your dream was coming true."

"W-What dream?"

"Kissing the awesome Gilbert."

Matthew rolled his eyes, "Y-You're making th-things up."

"Am I?" Gilbert retorted, silencing him, "I admitted to liking you so the least you could say is 'I like you, too'."

"B-But I'm n-not-"

"Birdie, no one is going to hate you if you're gay or bi. And even if someone does, they don't matter because they just don't understand, and they can go fuck themselves," Gilbert said matter-of-factly.

Matthew twiddled his thumbs and stared at them. "I-I've just never thought a-about it. I-I mean, n-no one r-really notices me s-so..."

"So you ignored them and focused on other stuff," Gilbert finished his sentence for him.

Matthew nodded, "Y-Yea."

"You sound like you could be asexual," Gilbert said and started laughing, "or 'eh'-sexual. Get it? Like that word Canadians say?"

Matthew couldn't help from laughing a little, "G-Gil, are y-you on drugs?"

"Nope, I just think I'm hilarious. Which I am," Gilbert said.

"Y-Yeah," Matthew smiled.

Gilbert stood up and stretched. "Ready to go?"

"Y-Yeah," he said and stood up as well. Gilbert took his hand and threaded their fingers together, making Matthew blush hard.

Gilbert said nothing and just walked him home, the whole way in comfortable silence. Gilbert let go of his hand on his porch, and he could see Gilbert now from the street lights. "Did you have a nice night Birdie?" he asked and Matthew nodded. "Good, I'll see you tomorrow. Dream of me, okay?" He smiled and kissed Matthew again, quickly, before turning around and walking down the sidewalk.

Matthew watched him leave, a question stuck in his throat. Gilbert disappeared from his sight and he walked inside, deciding to ask him later. The house was dark, so he carefully walked to his room, nobody even noticing his return. He could see light coming out from under his parent's door and Alfred's door, so he closed his. He kept the light off and crawled into bed, taking his glasses off. He soon fell asleep, dreaming of Gilbert.

**You guys are all so awesome and as a reward for being awesome, I present to you the long awaited kiss! And don't worry, of course there's going to be more cuteness and kisses. These two just can't keep their hands off each other, even if dear little Mattie still claims to be straight. And thank you for all your reviews it makes me feel all excited!**


	7. Wake Up and Smell The Beer

"Gilbert, you should know something," Matthew said, staring at the ground. It was dark in the abandoned park and the air was warm, rapidly cooling off with the absence of the sun.

"What?" Gilbert asked, stopping the swing to look at him.

"I, um, I do like you. A lot," Matthew said, his heart beating hard at the confession.

"I knew it," Gilbert said and stood up. Matthew looked up as Gilbert grabbed his hand and made him stand too. "I was waiting for you to tell me."

"Really?" Matthew asked and noticed Gilbert had not let go of his hand. "Why?"

"So I could do this," Gilbert said and pulled him close. He kissed him hard and passionately, cupping his cheek. Matthew melted into his arms, returning the kiss with intensity, and loving every second of it. Gilbert's tongue asked for entrance and he accepted, letting Gilbert explore his mouth. Matthew threaded his fingers in his hair, not thinking about anything except the gentle way Gilbert slipped his fingers down his side. His fingers hooked in a belt loop and pressed their hot bodies even closer together.

Gilbert pulled back slightly so they could catch their breath. "Birdie, I need you," he breathed seductively and Matthew looked up into his eyes. He moved the hand that was on his cheek up and tugged gently on his curl, making a gasp escape Matthew's lips. "I need you to wake up."

"What?" he asked, the need for Gilbert clouding his mind.

"I need you to wake up," Gilbert said, placing a kiss on his cheek.

He woke up with a start, blinking and looking around to make sure where he was. He was in his room... not with Gilbert at the park. He rubbed his eyes, remembering just how Gilbert's hands felt on him, how real and vivid it was... but it was all a dream.

"Bro," Alfred cut into his haze and Matthew looked up at him, still trying to make sense of it all, "I thought you died or something, you were totally out."

"What do you want, Al?" he asked, moving slightly under the covers so Alfred wouldn't notice how turned on he was.

"World peace or a big bucket of hamburgers," he said.

"Funny," Matthew said, "why did you wake me up?"

"Because school starts in half an hour and I care about your education," Alfred said, poking his forehead.

"Crap," Matthew muttered and swatted his hand away, "Okay, thanks for waking me."

"No problem bro," Alfred said and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Matthew took a few breaths to calm himself, just trying to forget that incredibly vivid dream.

He managed to get to school on time. Gilbert talked to him in first hour instead of with other people, but he couldn't look at him. Every time he did, his eyes landed on Gilbert's lips and he wanted him to kiss him right there in class. So he kept his eyes elsewhere: on the paper, out the window, on the clock slowly ticking down the minutes. He got through class, a couple other Gilbert-less classes and made it to lunch. He sat down and waited for Gilbert to join him.

"Guten tag, Birdie," Gilbert greeted and sat down, "I was wondering, did you dream of me like I said?"

Matthew looked down at the table, his face feeling hot. "N-No."

"You so did!" Gilbert cackled, "what happened? Was I winning you over with my awesomeness?"

"Uh, um..." he glanced up at Gilbert and bit his lip.

"It's okay, my awesomeness is a little too much for people sometimes," he smirked.

"G-Gil..." he said and swallowed, trying to get the words out, "I-I really l-like you."

Gilbert smiled brightly, "So you finally admit it. Anything else you'd like to admit to?"

He sighed and nodded, his voice dropping into an even quieter whisper, "F-Fine... I'm gay."

"There it is," Gilbert said. He got up from his side of the table and sat down next to Matthew, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. "Welcome to the club, Birdie."

"The c-club?"

"The club, community, uprising?" Gilbert said, "The group of people that decided to come out of the closet that they didn't know they were in."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "E-Enjoying yourself?"

"Very much so," Gilbert grinned and placed a kiss on his cheek.

Matthew blushed. "S-So, w-what are we?" he asked, taking a chance.

"We're gay. Or homosexual, or colorful," Gilbert said, "Well, I'm more bi- colorful."

"N-No, I m-meant us."

"What about us?" Gilbert asked obliviously, stealing one of his potato chips.

"A-Are we t-together or...?"

"Oh," Gilbert said and stole another chip. He ate it thoughtfully. "Do you want to be?"

"Um, I-I... y-yeah," he stammered, barely able to speak. What if Gilbert rejected him? What if he was just doing this to spite him? What if-

"Then it's settled. We're a hot gay couple," Gilbert grinned and took the whole potato chip bag.

"O-Okay," Matthew whispered and a smile spread over his face, not caring about the loss of his chips at all.

After school, Matthew went home, feeling elated. He felt actually happy for once, and it felt great. Gilbert gave him a reason to be happy. So the first thing he had to do was mark this milestone.

_Gilbert and I are dating now! Today at lunch I told him I like him back and then he made me say, out loud, that I'm gay. Which is weird cause I never thought I'd say that. Hell, I never thought I'd be dating anyone, let alone someone like Gilbert. It all feels like one big dream I don't want to wake up from. I hope I don't. I hope things will get better. For once, I'd like to be happy. And now I think I have that chance.  
__Sincerely, Gilbert's Birdie_

He put the journal away and emerged from his room. He went into the kitchen, the small smile on his face not going away. He sat at the table and ate the snack Francis had provided, even though he currently wasn't in the kitchen.

"Hey, Mattie, why do you look so happy?" Alfred asked, stuffing his face with food.

"Oh, um, no reason," he said, taking small bites of it.

"No reason, huh? Was it Gilbert? What did he do?" he asked skeptically.

"N-Nothing," he stammered.

"Tell meeeeee," Alfred whined and poked his arm a few times.

Matthew sighed, "I'm not gonna tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because there's nothing to tell," he said bluntly, trying to keep his face its normal color.

"Alfred, please leave him alone, you're giving me a headache," Arthur said, rubbing his temples.

"But he's keeping secrets," Alfred protested.

"I don't care. Just stop your whining."

"Make me," Alfred challenged.

"Al..." Matthew warned quietly.

Arthur glared at him. "I'll duct tape your mouth shut."

"Do it," Alfred said smugly. Arthur huffed and walked out of the kitchen.

"He's gonna do it," Matthew said.

"Will not," Alfred said. He shrugged and waited for Arthur to put him in his place. Moments later, Arthur came back with a roll of duct tape. Alfred shook his head. "Whoa, whoa, no!"

"Maybe you'll learn to be quiet when asked," Arthur smirked. He grabbed a pair of scissors, pulled out a strip from the roll, and cut it. "Matthew, hold him."

Matthew nodded and before Alfred had a chance to make a run for it, Matthew was holding his arms behind his back.

"I was just kidding, you grumpy old man."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not a grumpy old man," he said and placed the duct tape over Alfred's mouth, "If you try to take that off, I'll just tie your arms together."

Alfred made a muffled noise of protest. Matthew let go of his arms and he crossed them in front of him.

"I hope you had enough to eat," Matthew said and sat back down. Alfred glared at him while he finished eating.

Arthur made himself a cup of tea in the silence. "Ah, this is the kind of quiet I like. "

Matthew nodded. "Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver," he said and put his plate in the sink. Alfred looked like he was about to rip that tape off his face and yell out some choice words. So before he did, Matthew turned on his phone camera. "Smile," he said while it focused. Alfred flipped him off and he took a picture. "This looks like good blackmail," he grinned and hurried back to his room before Alfred tried to take his phone.

He closed his door and locked it, thankful that his room actually had a lock. He heard a pained yelp and then Alfred was pounding on his door. "Mattie, delete that right now!" he demanded, having ripped the tape off his mouth.

"Why should I?" he asked, leaning against the door.

"Because!" Alfred whined.

"I'll think about it," Matthew said. He heard Alfred sigh and walk away after a few minutes of pointless demanding and begging, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere with Matthew.

Matthew sat on his bed and opened up his messages, sending the picture to Gilbert, just in case.

_This is what dad just did to Al. He tried to kill me._

_Lol nice! Duck tape is a classic_

_It's actually spelled duct tape._

_Same diff_

Matthew smiled and texted Gilbert for awhile. He managed to do his homework between texts, but Gilbert proved to be very distracting.

He arrived early to school and made his way to class. The hall already had many students in it, standing in clusters, which made it difficult for Matthew to get through. Especially since his meek "excuse me" was almost never heard. He slipped his way through a group of people and ran directly into somebody slightly taller- and much stronger- than him. He was knocked over onto his stomach, grunting when he hit the ground. He wasn't carrying anything, but the weight of his backpack landed on him and pushed the breath out of his lungs.

"Watch where you're going!" the guy yelled. Matthew slowly picked himself up. "I-I'm s-sorry," he apologized quietly.

"You better be. Almost scuffed up my new Jordan's," he grumbled, shoved him, and walked away. He stumbled but kept his footing and tried to breathe normally. He fixed his glasses, his nose starting to hurt along with his back and knees from falling.

He quickly went to class and sat down before anyone could do that again. He folded his arms on his desk and rested his forehead on them so his face was hidden. It was only then that he let a few tears slip out.

"Hallo Birdie... what's wrong?" Gilbert said, his voice nearing as he spoke.

Matthew sniffled and tried to pull himself together. "N-Nothing," he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. '_Everything_,' said the voice in his head.

"Birdie," Gilbert said quietly, most likely leaning over his desk. Matthew slowly lifted his head, not even able to provide a fake smile. Gilbert smirked when he lifted his head, but it immediately fell. "Have you been crying?"

"Um..." he shrugged and swallowed thickly. He wouldn't exactly call it crying, just letting a few slip loose.

"You're coming with me," Gilbert said and grabbed his arm. Matthew let Gilbert drag him into the hall. But he didn't stop and kept walking, and he worried the bell was going to ring soon. Just as they entered the bathroom, the late bell rang.

"Gil, we-we need t-to get to class," he said, pulling away from him. Gilbert just pulled him toward the stalls, where they couldn't been seen from the door if someone of authority walked by.

"We're skipping class," Gilbert informed him.

"S-Skipping?" Matthew asked in horror. Sure, he stayed home a few times, but never in his life would he imagine coming to school to hang out in the bathroom, of all places. He was pretty sure this was where all the druggies did their thing.

"Ja," Gilbert said, patting his shoulder, "Don't worry, it's just another work day, and we're pretty much done," he smiled reassuringly and leaned against the wall casually, as if he did this all the time. "So, what happened Birdie? Someone mess with you?"

"I-I told you, it's n-nothing," he said and looked down, studying the grimy floor.

"So someone did mess with you. Who?"

Matthew shrugged and rubbed his arm nervously. He was sure they were going to get caught in here.

"Birdie, I can't help if you aren't going to tell me," Gilbert sighed.

"I-I ran into someone and... and I think he-he tripped me and I f-fell... and then he yelled at me for h-hurting his sh-shoes," Matthew managed to say. He looked over at Gilbert, who was shaking his head.

"What an arsloch. Sorry I wasn't there to beat him up, Birdie."

"I-It's fine," he murmured.

"You look tense, here," Gilbert shrugged off his backpack and pulled out a canteen, handing it to him, "This should help."

Matthew reached out for it but stopped halfway. "Wh-What is it?"

Gilbert grinned, "Guess. It's not poisoned and it doesn't have any roofies in it, I swear."

Matthew took it and unscrewed the top. He cautiously sniffed it and glanced at him. "Tea?"

"Is that what it smells like?" Gilbert said and Matthew nodded. He knew Arthur constantly drank tea. If he didn't he'd probably go into withdrawal and explode into a British rage. Plus he hadn't killed Alfred yet, so he knew it was calming. Matthew just wasn't a big fan of it. But, to please Gilbert, he drank some. It certainly tasted like some sort of citrus tea, but the liquid burned going down his throat, saying otherwise. He coughed, his eyes almost watering. "That's n-not tea!" he accused, shoving the canteen back at him.

"That's correct," Gilbert said and took it, easily downing what Matthew almost coughed up his esophagus from. He breathed out in a refreshed sigh. "Do you know any Germans that drink tea?"

Matthew shook his head, rubbing at his throat. "So, is that..?"

"Bier? Warum, ja es ist," Gilbert said and drank more.

"B-Beer?" Matthew repeated, that being really the only thing he understood, "You're n-not s-supposed to have beer, let alone i-in school!" he scolded Gilbert and crossed his arms in a parental authority way.

"In Germany I am of age to drink," Gilbert pointed out.

"You're n-not in Germany!" he reminded him.

"Technicalities."

"Expulsion."

"Not if they don't find out. And I know my little Birdie wouldn't tell on me," he said gently, "People push you around all day and people piss me off all day. If I didn't bring this with me once in awhile, I might actually be expelled since I might have anger issues."

Matthew sighed. "Okay, I-I won't tell."

Gilbert smiled and pushed himself up, off the wall, walking over to him. Matthew was about to step back when Gilbert kissed him, and it made him freeze in place. It only lasted a second before Gilbert pulled back, but that was enough time to make his cheeks go red and his knees go weak. "Thanks, Birdie," he said, grinning. But Matthew wasn't allowing him to get away with just that. He locked his arms around Gilbert's neck and kissed him harder, not caring they were in a school bathroom. Not caring they were missing class. He didn't care about anything at that moment besides Gilbert's hands on his back, one traveling up to slide through his hair. His knees felt so weak he would have fallen if he weren't holding onto Gilbert. When he finally pulled back, Gilbert was grinning, a light pink dusting his own pale cheeks that almost made him look like he had a normal skin color. "Where did that come from, Birdie?" he smirked and Matthew shrugged, looking down. All the confidence he had to kiss him just moments ago melted away. "Well, I can't let you upstage me, now can I?"

Matthew didn't have time to say anything before Gilbert captured his lips, pressing their bodies flush against each other. Gilbert slowly backed them up until his back bumped against a cold wall. Now Gilbert had him trapped, but he didn't mind. No, he didn't mind at all.

**Translations- **

**Bier? Warum je es it- Beer? Why yes it is.**

**I'm sorry for the beginning, but at least you got the real thing at the end, and that this chapter was pretty long. So please don't throw rocks, I'm fragile! If you look at the title for this chapter with the title for chapter 6, you'll have a laugh. At least I did since I think I'm oh so witty... Thank you all for reading this, every new view means someone at least gave my story a chance, and that's all I want! *Hands out cupcakes* Thank you!**


	8. The Deal

Everything was seemingly great. Gilbert was being an awesome boyfriend, slowly pulling Matthew out of his protective shell, and he even stuttered less. He was getting pushed around less since Gilbert was around, and he even started to hang out with some of the "cool kids". Apparently "cool" meant a bunch of dorks who were always laughing or arguing. He still wasn't completely noticed, but as long as Gilbert did, he didn't mind so much.

It was just over a week later and he still hadn't told anybody about them. Not even Alfred, knowing he'd probably freak out. So he shrugged off Gilbert's attempts of holding his hand and kissing him during school, just in case someone saw and gossiped about it.

Right now it was the end his fourth hour and he eagerly awaited lunch. Gilbert had finally convinced him to sit inside with him and his friends (the "cool kids") since the weather was taking a turn for the worse. The bell rang and he packed up his stuff quickly. He walked into the hall, where a whole other world of hurt awaited.

"Hey, Jones, we need to talk," a guy said as he walked out and was pulled roughly aside. He looked at them with a poker face, staying silent. Surely they wouldn't beat him up right outside a classroom in the middle of a school day... Right? "See the thing is, we need you to break a couple people up." Well, this was an interesting turn of events. They wanted Alfred's help? The other guy with spiky hair spoke up.

"We got a friend. Doesn't matter who, but she is crazy for Gilbert. And that kid he's dating right now is in the way," Spiky Hair said.

"We need you to get rid of him," the first guy nodded, getting straight to the point and looking completely serious.

"W-What?" he whispered in shock. Get rid of him!? What exactly did that mean?

"You heard Lukas," Spiky Hair sighed, looking a little unfocused, "And I heard he's your brother, but he's not right for Gilbert."

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever even seen him," the first guy, Lukas, said, "So you better do it since you owe us. Or else." Matthew nodded slightly and the guys backed off, letting him slip away.

What the hell kind of deal had Alfred made? Should Matthew confront him about it? But then again, if he told him, then Alfred would break them up. And Matthew didn't even know how those guys knew about it in the first place. It had barely been two whole weeks since they agreed to date. Maybe someone found out and gossiped about it.

During lunch he wondered what to do. Tell Alfred or don't tell Alfred. And then, tell Gilbert, or don't tell Gilbert, since he was a part of this too. And who the hell was this girl they were talking about? He wasn't about to let some girl take Gilbert away from him. He wanted to have just one good thing in life all to himself. He knew that sounded selfish, but that wasn't just because he wanted to be with Gilbert, he _needed _to be with Gilbert. For reasons only his journal and himself could know. But if he lost Gilbert... it might just be the final straw.

He thought about it at lunch while poking at his food mindlessly, Gilbert pestering him to talk the whole time. He stayed silent but almost blurted out his thoughts a few times. It took him another two classes to figure out what to do. The decision made him nervous so he barely ate anything during dinner, but no one cared enough to notice.

Sometime after dinner, he quietly knocked on Alfred's door. It took his brother a few times to hear but when he did, he opened the door with a smile. "What can I do ya for, bro?"

"I just wanted to talk," Matthew said and Alfred let him into his hazard zone of a room. He stood nervously while Alfred sat down.

"Okay, shoot," he smiled, not sensing how nervous Matthew was.

"Oh, okay, um... today at school a couple guys came up t-to me and... they thought I-I was you so they said that you owed them s-something... some kind of deal..." he said and Alfred's eyes widened but he looked at his bed to hide it.

"Oh... Did they mention what it was?" he asked.

"No...I was hoping you could tell me," Matthew said. He didn't want to tell Alfred about Gilbert unless it was absolutely serious.

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter, it doesn't involve you, so you're safe. I swear."

"Al, tell me. What if you get hurt?"

He actually laughed at this. "Hurt? I won't be getting hurt. Like I said, you'll be fine. Don't worry."

He sighed, "Please?"

"No, I don't need to tell you."

"What if I said they asked you to do something, 'or else'? Mind telling me what that means?" he burst out impatiently.

Alfred shook his head. "They're just messing around. Calm down," he said, but never looked him in the eye.

"Then I guess I won't tell you what they wanted you to do," he said and crossed his arms.

Alfred looked up at him now. "What did they say?"

"Tell me about the deal."

"No, tell me what they wanted."

"Tell me the deal first."

"I can't tell you the deal!"

"Why do you have to be so secretive?"

"Because I want to keep you safe, Goddammit!"

Matthew quieted and turned to leave, "Fine, then I won't tell you."

"Mattie, listen, you gotta tell me and I gotta do this," Alfred said, quieter as well.

"You have to break a couple up," Matthew said, not looking at him.

"That should be easy enough. Who?"

Matthew gulped and glanced back at him. "Me and G-Gil," he said, his voice wavering. He didn't wait for Alfred's response and hurried out. He shut the door to his own room and curled up on his bed. He didn't hear any yelling from Alfred, and he couldn't tell if that was good or bad. He laid in silence for a few minutes, wondering just what deal Alfred had made.

When he thought about it, it sounded like he made a deal at the cross roads and now his life was shortened to 10 more years. Of course this wasn't Supernatural, but that was the only explanation he could find at the moment. He sighed and hugged Kuma-What's-His-Face for comfort.

Moments later, his door burst open like a bomb went off. "You're gay!?" Alfred yelled. Matthew stared at him and tried to recover from the door being practically knocked off its hinges.

"Y-Yes..." he said.

"Since when?" Alfred asked, calming down slightly.

He shrugged and looked down at Kuma. "I guess for awhile but I didn't know until Gilbert made me admit it to him..." he paused then glared at his brother, "And I didn't just decide to be gay one day to spite you."

Alfred rolled his eyes. "That's not what I was thinking. I meant I just thought you were straight."

"Well we were both wrong," he said, "So you're okay with it?"

"I guess. But just... Gilbert, really?"

"What? He's your friend."

"Yea and that's what's weird."

"You're supposed to break us up anyways so it doesn't matter what you think," he said quickly, trying not to cry again.

"Uh yeah, about that..." Alfred bit his lip and rubbed the back of his head, "Could you maybe-"

"No!" Matthew yelled and abruptly stood up, "I'm not going to break up with Gilbert just because you made some stupid deal."

"Mattie, I don't want to force you to do anything but-"

"But nothing!" he cut Alfred off again and walked cowards him, making him take a step back in shock. "Gilbert makes me happy and pays attention to me! Something no one's ever done! And I'm not about to let you or anyone get in the way of that!" he exploded and Alfred stepped out into the hall like he thought Matthew was going to hit him. Matthew stopped in the doorway and looked at the ground. "Sorry for yelling," he whispered.

Alfred sighed. "Okay Mattie, I understand. Don't take my head off," he paused and shoved his hands in his pockets, "I guess I should tell you about the deal since you told me..."

"I'm listening," Matthew said.

"Okay um, I'm not doing so well in school cause of sports and stuff and... well a couple of guys said they could change my grades..."

"God Al, seriously?" Matthew sighed.

"I'm getting D's and E's, Mattie, and if I didn't get my grades up I'd fail most of my classes."

"Then get a tutor, stay after school, or ask me for help," he suggested.

"I just can't pay attention. The only class I'm slightly good at is history but everything else I suck at. It was just easier this way."

"They're gonna find out and you'll get suspended or-"

"Nothing's gonna happen to me. I'm gonna pass my classes with A's and B's and get to college easily."

"You can't do that in college either, Al! You're just screwing yourself over!"

"No I'm not. I've got it all under control."

"No you don't. You think you do, but you don't!"

"Whatever. I don't need to hear this from you," Alfred said, "If you leave me alone about it, I'll leave you alone with Gilbert." He walked away as if it was final.

He slowly walked back into his room. He wondered what Al was going to do about the deal he had. Would he find the guys and ask them to do something else? Or would he try to break them up anyways? He couldn't seem to stop worrying about it for the rest of the day.

In the morning he kept going over what to tell Gilbert. He didn't want Gilbert to confront Alfred about it since that would most likely end in a fight. Instead, he decided to take a side approach. Mention the girl and the two guys, but nothing about Alfred.

So he waited outside his first hour in front of the lockers for Gilbert, hoping he would pass by before class to talk. He kept constantly checking the time, fidgeting nervously. Four minutes before the bell would ring, he saw Gilbert making his way down the hall and moved to talk to him. Before he even stepped a foot, a girl shoved past him and make him fall back into the lockers. He groaned in pain at hitting the metal.

When he straightened up, he saw the girl launching herself at Gilbert. He couldn't really describe it any other way than she hopped off the ground and wrapped her arms around his neck like an excited little kid. Gilbert was almost pulled off balance, certainly not expecting that. Matthew quickly realized that this was the girl. And not just any girl. This was the girl that Gilbert had been making out with in front of the school building! He marched over, imagining if he was a little bigger and a little stronger, he'd punch the daylights out of her. It didn't matter that she was a girl, all he could see was competition. She had to be eliminated.

"You know you want to be with me. I can show you a good time," she said, holding his hands so he couldn't escape.

"Uh, look you're a nice girl and all, but I'm already taken," Gilbert was saying.

"That doesn't matter. I want you and I'll have you," she smiled determinedly and Matthew hesitantly tapped her shoulder. Her head snapped around and she glared death at him. "Who are you?"

Her glare chilled him to the bone, but he forced himself to speak. "M-Matthew Williams. His boyfriend," he said as confident and loud as he could, hoping she'd finally back off.

She looked at him in disgust. "Get lost. He's mine now," she said and turned back to Gilbert, smiling sweetly but possessive.

He pulled back but she only tightened her grip. "Natalie-"

"Natalia," she corrected sharply.

"Right, um, how about we talk later? I have to get to class," he tried and thankfully the warning bell rang.

She nodded. "I will see you after," she said, placed a kiss on his cheek, and walked away.

Gilbert wiped his cheek off and looked at him. "I swear I've only talked to her a few times."

"I-I believe you," Matthew said honestly and sighed, "Now we should really get to class."

"Ja," he agreed and they walked into class together. They sat down in the back and Gilbert leaned close to him so he could talk without anyone eavesdropping. "Birdie, I'm not leaving you, no matter what. Even if a crazy girl gets in our way."

He looked into his red eyes and if his voice wasn't dripping with promise and honesty, he eyes were.

"Okay," he smiled slightly but it quickly fell. "I-I have to tell you something... a-after class."

"Why not now?"

He shook his head. "I-I was going to tell you before class, b-but then that happened."

"Okay, Birdie," Gilbert said without further interrogation and sat forward in his seat.

Matthew mentally went through his speech all through class, and thankfully, Gilbert barely tried to talk to him.

Right after class, he stepped into the hall with Gilbert. He was about to start his speech when Gilbert made them walk into the bathrooms. He was beginning to think Gilbert spent too much time in here.

"I don't want Nala or whatever finding us," Gilbert explained. Matthew nodded and forced himself to keep eye contact with Gilbert as he began speaking.

"S-So I overheard these guys t-talking about us. And they s-said that we were going to be forced to b-break up because a girl wants to be with you a-and I think that g-girl is Natalia," he told Gilbert, his practiced speech just falling apart as he couldn't stop speaking. "A-And I don't want to break up. We c-can't. I don't want to s-sound possessive or anything b-but I don't want you t-to leave me!" His voice rose toward the end as he held back tears.

Gilbert listened to him the whole time without interrupting. He still didn't speak as he wrapped his arms around Matthew protectively and rubbed his back to calm him down. "Birdie, I don't know what those guys are thinking or what that girl wants but I do know that you're mine and I'm not going to leave you. I'll deal with this girl and make her back off. The only person I want to be with is you."

Matthew held onto him and sniffled, managing to keep his tears in. "O-Okay."

"Do you want to skip class or go home?" he asked.

"N-No, I can go to class," he said and Gilbert let him go.

"Well then maybe I'll just skip class," Gilbert grinned.

"Don't you dare," Matthew said and smiled slightly, Gilbert's sudden good mood infectious.

"Damn, okay," Gilbert said and walked him to his next class, "Guess that means I'll see you at lunch."

Matthew nodded. "Yeah. Bye," he said and walked into class. 

**Hey everyone! So I know what you're thinking: Gilbert and Natalia?! What kind of crack ship is that? (At least that's how my friend reacted) Well, let me just say, it is a real ship, and more importantly, she serves a purpose in the story. She causes issues and I can't let them be happy all the time! So how do you think this will be solved? Will she, or Alfred, break them apart? Or will true love prevail (Wait, who said anything about love?) Until next time my lovelies!**


	9. Happy Endings

The next couple hours seemed to drag on, but he finally made it to lunch. He sat next to Gilbert inside, a few other kids he still wasn't very comfortable around talking over one another. Gilbert was one of the ones talking but when he noticed Matthew wasn't eating, he stopped to focus on him. "You're not eating again, Birdie?"

He shrugged and stared at his untouched sandwich. "Not hungry," he said. One of the bad things about sitting inside the cafeteria was he could barely hear himself speak. But somehow Gilbert almost always managed to hear his soft voice.

"You haven't eaten lunch for a whole week, are you sure you're okay?" he asked in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said and ate a baby carrot just to prove it, "See?"

Gilbert frowned and looked like he was about to say something else when arms wrapped around him from behind and a voice giggled.

"I didn't know we had the same lunch! Now we can eat and spend all our time together!" The giggly voice belonged to none other than Natalia.

She let him go after nearly hugging him to death. Gilbert turned to look at her with a sigh. "Talia-"

"_Na_talia," she corrected quickly before she softened, "Unless that's a cute nickname for me, then I love it! I like anything you like."

"Right, um, like I said earlier, I already have someone I'm with and I'm not leaving him for you," Gilbert stated, leaning slightly away from her.

"But we belong together," Natalia protested and glared at Matthew. She looked like she was about to cut him with a plastic fork and he sunk away from her.

"No, if you touch a hair on his head, I will hurt you. And I don't care if you are a girl, it will be assisted self defense," Gilbert reasoned and stood up to prove his point and intimidate her. Matthew noticed that the whole table was watching by now. Some looked confused while others had an 'oh shit' look.

"But we belong together. We can become one with each other!" she said, grabbing hold of his hand.

"Natalia, nein. We don't belong together. If we did, I wouldn't be dating Birdie," Gilbert told her and pried her hand off.

"Only if you weren't dating _him_," she repeated thoughtfully and stared Matthew down. Maybe she really was about to stab him. But with a real knife. She looked like the kind of girl that secretly carried a knife around. "Fine, I'll take care of that," she said and turned around, walking away with purpose.

"Wait, that's not what I meant!" he yelled after her, but she didn't seem to hear, "Oh Gott," he muttered and sat back down, "what is she going to do?"

Matthew shook his head and stared at the table. Take care of him? Did that mean kill him? Because she seemed perfectly capable of doing something like that and the thought made him nervous.

Gilbert noticed and wrapped his arms around him as if to protect him. "It'll be okay, Birdie," he soothed and pushed some hair out of his eyes, "she'll understand soon and this will all be over." He nodded minutely before Gilbert added, "and we'll all live happily ever after."

He didn't know exactly why that sentence affected him, but it did. His blood ran cold and he forcefully pushed Gilbert away from him. Gilbert let go in surprise and didn't have time to say anything before Matthew stalked away. He took deep breaths as he walked down the nearly empty hall, everyone in class or lunch. He walked into the bathroom, shaking.

Just _why _did Gilbert have to say that? Nothing good ever came out of a phrase like that. This wasn't some kind of fairy tale. If anything, this was a nightmare he could never wake up from. He sucked in a breath and tried to steady himself, but the thoughts racing through his head made him lean heavily against the wall for support. He kept thinking about how Gilbert had just ruined everything with one sentence. How whenever that was said, the opposite happened. It took him the rest of the lunch period to calm himself down and begin to think that he overreacted. He needed to apologize to Gilbert for pushing him and leaving him. He probably didn't realize what he said.

So he waited in 6th hour for Gilbert to arrive. He came in before the late bell and looked almost unsure of himself. He looked over to where Matthew waited in his seat before walking to him.

"Birdie..." he started like he was about to speak then frowned and looked down.

"Gil, I-I'm sorry," he said softly and Gilbert met his eyes, "I shouldn't h-have done that."

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"You said that we'd live happily ever after," Matthew said even quieter.

"You don't want that?" Gilbert asked, still clearly confused at what he meant.

"N-No, I just mean... it's like a jinx. It's unrealistic. I-I overreacted though," he tried to explain what he didn't quite understand himself.

"Okay," Gilbert nodded, "Sorry Birdie, I didn't know. I just like how American fairy tales end. Nothing like the German ones. Like in Ashenputtel where the step- sisters cut off a toe or a heel to fit into the shoe to become a princess. But since they lied and treated Ashenputtel so badly, a couple of birds pecked their eyes out at the wedding. Not a very happy ending there," he paused and shrugged, "I guess I just like happy endings." He finished saying and promptly went to his seat.

Matthew blinked and thought about what he said. Of course most people liked happy endings. They didn't want someone they love to die or leave. But sometimes, for lack of better description, shit happens. So Matthew didn't quite believe in happy endings. He used to think that someday things would get better, and he'd get his happy ending, but he'd given up that hope long ago.

If he really thought about it, Gilbert was the only thing to keep him from going. 'Going where?' Someone might ask if he told them. He wasn't sure exactly. Heaven? Hell? The void? Or some other place where things might be better. He didn't know. But the point was that Gilbert was keeping him here.

And the guy believed in happy endings. Well, Matthew would try not to disappoint him.

Try.

* * *

He didn't exactly know how it all started, but this is what he saw: A very intoxicated, very happy Gilbert on his porch. He swayed and grinned, holding up a half empty beer bottle in greeting.

"Oi, Birdie, what're ya doin' here?" he slurred happily.

"Gil..." he sighed and debated between saying "you're drunk", "what are you doing here so late?", and "this is my house, I live here". Ultimately, he chose none of those and just grabbed his arm, pulling him inside. "Just get in here," he ended up saying.

"You're the boss," Gilbert cackled and stumbled in.

"Look, Gil-"

"You look soo cute right now," Gilbert interrupted him and he blushed slightly.

"O-Oh, um, thanks..." he said and watched as he leaned against the wall for support. "What are you doing here?"

"Vistin' my favorite Birdie!" he grinned and waved the beer bottle toward him, "I brought the booze!"

"Just because it's the weekend, doesn't mean you should get drunk off your ass," Matthew sighed and grabbed it from him. Gilbert pouted and he formed a quick plan in his head. "Come to my room with me and we can share."

"Awesome!" he laughed, snatched the bottle from him and practically skipped up the stairs.

Matthew made sure the door was locked in case of anymore more drunk Gilberts and made his way up the stairs. Somehow, Gilbert had found his room and was now lying on his bed. Well, maybe he should clarify that. Gilbert was on his side, one leg propped up as well as his upper body in a suggestive pose. He smirked at Matthew in the doorway and cooed, "Biirdiieee, I'm reeaadyy."

Matthew stared in shock. Was Gilbert wanting to have sex with him!? No, of course not, it was only the beer talking. He stepped into the room and Gilbert took this as a sign to start undressing.

"No, no, no!" he gasped but Gilbert already had his shirt off. And holy hell did he have a nice body. He could only imagine what the rest looked like...

Although he didn't have to imagine as Gilbert was currently fumbling with his zipper. Matthew quickly pushed his hands away, wanting him to leave on as much clothing as possible. Gilbert just grabbed his wrists, laying back and pulling Matthew over him.

"Gilbert, you're drunk," he said, attempting to get off him and let him go to sleep, which is what his plan had been.

"You're sexy," Gilbert grinned and pulled him down enough to kiss him. Matthew knew he should pull back, but he just couldn't. Gilbert was half naked, in his room, practically begging to fuck him.

Any sane person would definitely knock some sense into him, but Matthew decided he was most definitely not sane. So he willingly kissed back, Gilbert surprisingly good while wasted. He worked his cold hands under his shirt and Matthew shivered. Said shirt was deftly slipped off and dropped on the floor. Gilbert feverishly kissed him, his hands roaming all over.

Matthew noticed much, much too late that the door to his room was still open. He didn't notice this until he heard a horrified gasp from the doorway. He sat up and looked at Alfred in shock, but not as much as was on his twin's face. "It's, um, it's not what it looks like," he said a bit breathlessly, Gilbert running his fingers greedily over his thin frame. Well, maybe it was what it looked like.

"Maybe I should... just... close this," he said, his eyes lingering a moment, before shutting the door quickly.

Gilbert immediately took his distraction to roll them over. He straddled Matthew and placed kisses down his neck, making him gasp.

"G-Gil," he blushed and pushed slightly at his chest in an attempt to push him off. But Gilbert just grabbed his small wrists in one hand and stretched his arms behind his head.

"Mm, Birdie," he purred and his other hand trailed down his body to his waist.

"Please Gil I... y-you're drunk. You'll want to remember if we did s-something like this," he said, going against all basic instincts that told him to take advantage of the situation.

"Are you sure you don't want to do this Birdie?" Gilbert asked, his fingers brushing softly over his hips and sending chills through him.

"I-I'm sure," he forced himself to say.

"Okay Birdie," he said, looking a little disappointed. He got off him and grabbed the beer that was at the end of the bed and drank some. He immediately looked happier and fell back on the bed contentedly.

He sighed and sat up. "Gil, what the hell did you do so bad that you had to drink?" he wondered aloud. He realized Gilbert was passed out already and sighed again.

He felt something vibrate and paused, his mind immediately going to some kind of toy Gilbert may have brought with him, but no, it was just Gilbert's phone. He debated whether to look at it. It could be important. Some one could be trying to find him. He convinced himself enough to take the phone out of Gilbert's pants pocket.

Thankfully, he didn't have a password lock on his phone, so it immediately opened up. He tapped on a text under the contact name "Luddy" and read the text.

_Where are you? Answer your phone! _

Matthew noticed there was a couple missed calls and it took him a moment to realize that this was Ludwig, Gilbert's younger brother.

_Hi, this is Matthew. Gilbert showed up at my house drunk and passed out. _

_I'm sorry about this. Could you let him stay over? _

_Sure. But if I may ask, why is he drunk?_

_I'm not sure. Usually he doesn't get very drunk. Maybe ask him when he wakes up in the morning? If he __even __remember__s__ anything. _

_Okay thanks, I will. _

He set Gilbert's phone down on his nightstand and looked at him. What could have happened? Did someone in his family die? No, that couldn't be it. Ludwig would probably be drunk too. Maybe it had something to do with earlier that day. Maybe what happened at lunch?

He sighed and put his shirt back on then got into bed, where he was before this all happened. He pulled the blankets over Gilbert and himself, turned away from him, and soon fell asleep.

* * *

**So I feel pretty stupid... I always wondered how to get the divider line thing up and while I was fixing this thing up, I accidentally clicked on it and bam, found it! But let's pretend I knew this all along but was too cool to use it. Yeah... Anyways! The title refers to the fairy tales, not that this is the end. I plan on maybe 14 chapters, I'm not sure yet, it could be longer. We still have a whole mess to fix! And what happened to Gilbert? Find out next chapter (Maybe..), which I will so graciously give you the title to: Chapter 10. Don't Cry. (I said don't cry guys!)**


	10. Don't cry

It was a surprise when he opened his eyes the next morning. The sunlight filtered in through the window and he felt exceptionally warm, not wanting to get up just yet. He snuggled deeper under the covers when he felt something brush against his back. He opened his eyes and looked behind him to find Gilbert cuddled up to him. His arm was holding Matthew close to him and he gasped in surprise. He'd completely forgotten about last night but now it all came flooding back.

It's not that he wanted to move away from him, but at the same time this was a little odd. The only person he'd ever been in bed with was Alfred... no, not like that. They were twins who comforted each other during thunderstorms and, when they were very little, foster parents.

But this was different. This was someone he liked, just holding him because he could. It felt calming and reassuring. Who knew Gilbert could be so sweet when he was sleeping.

But he decided he needed to get up. When Gilbert woke up, he'd have a hangover. So Matthew forced himself to get up, grab aspirin and a glass of water, and set it on the nightstand for him like a good boyfriend.

He quickly got dressed for the day, silently hoping the whole time Gilbert wouldn't wake up and make a comment about his body. Luckily, he didn't.

Matthew walked downstairs to make himself something to eat. Alfred was in the kitchen already, deciding between Lucky Charms and Frosted Flakes. He looked over at Matthew and brightened. "Sweet, you're awake."

Matthew sighed, already knowing he was going to have to make food for Al as well. "I'm making pancakes," he told him and Alfred nodded, putting the cereal away.

Matthew busied himself with making the pancakes. He mixed together the batter, heated up the pan, and poured a perfectly round pancake in the pan.

Alfred left momentarily and when he returned, he leaned against the counter, staring at him for a moment. Whenever he did this, he knew he was about to be interrogated. And he knew exactly what it would be about.

"So... did you have fun with Gilbert last night?" he asked. Matthew sighed and shook his head.

"No, he was drunk and passed out."

"That's not what I saw last night," Alfred said.

"Yeah, thanks for eaves dropping," he muttered and expertly flipped the pancake.

"I wasn't eaves dropping. Your door was open," Alfred defended himself.

"Thanks for closing it," Matthew said a bit sarcastically.

Alfred rolled his eyes. "So he was drunk?"

"Yes. And don't ask why because I don't know," he said and put the pancake on a plate, pouring another one.

"Huh," Alfred said.

"'Huh' what?" Matthew asked suspiciously. Surely Al wasn't done questioning him.

"Nothing. Just wondering if Gilbert is a virgin or not."

Matthew was in the middle of flipping the pancake and almost dropped the pan in surprise. He quickly set it back down and stared at it. That was something he hadn't thought of. Had Gilbert been with other people? The way he acted, it sure seemed like it. He snapped out of it and put the pancake on the plate before it had a chance to burn. "Al, please shut up unless you want burned food," he said.

"Fine," Alfred said and let him continue.

Just as he was finishing, Gilbert came stumbling down the stairs, still shirtless, and clearly confused. He looked at the twins for a whole minute, maybe trying to figure out which one was his, before he gave up. "How did I get here?" he finally asked.

"You walked," Matthew answered, getting out another plate for Gilbert.

"Oh..." he said and pressed his temples with his fingers, "I don't remember anything."

"Well, you were trying to fuck my brother," Alfred said bluntly.

"Trying?" Gilbert raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"That's all I saw, I didn't stay for the main act," Alfred said and held up his hands in defense.

Matthew sighed and elbowed him in the side. "I wouldn't let you because you were drunk," he said.

"Huh," Gilbert said and seemed to snap out of his daze, "Well serve up those pancakes Birdie, I'm starving."

"I bet you are," Alfred said and grabbed a stack of pancakes, promptly drowning them in maple syrup.

"Al," he sighed at both his statement and actions. Alfred only smirked and sat at the table. Matthew gave Gilbert a plate of pancakes and himself some. They both sat down and poured maple syrup over their share.

Alfred stuffed his face, Gilbert cut his into pieces first, and Matthew cut his piece by piece, which was definitely the right way to eat pancakes. But as he took a bite, he found them to taste... bland. No, they tasted the same as usual, he just didn't want any. So he set his fork down and swallowed the piece in his mouth.

Alfred noticed him not eating and spoke up. "Mattie is something wrong?"

He shrugged, "Not hungry, I guess."

Alfred stared at him in shock. "But it's pancakes! You'd eat them even if you just had a full meal! You always want pancakes!"

"I know... I just don't want anything."

"Are you sick? Should we take you to the hospital?"

"I'm not sick, Al," he said.

Alfred fell silent and Gilbert spoke up. "Birdie, you hardly eat at lunch every day, are you sure something's not wrong?"

"I'm fine," he murmured, moving his fork absently on his plate. He could feel both of their gazes on them and he shrunk back into the chair as if to escape.

Gilbert set his hand on his, making him stop messing with the fork. He looked over at him and Gilbert looked more concerned than anyone ever had for him in his entire life. He also looked like he was hesitating on saying something "Birdie... Are you-?" he was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing, which he must have put back in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered it, "Oi... I'm at Birdie's... No, I don't remember... but- okay fine, stop yelling. I'll be there in, like, 10 minutes." He angrily jabbed at the screen, ending the call.

"Was that your dad? I could hear him yelling from here," Alfred said, "he sounds pissed."

Gilbert sighed, "No, that's my bruder."

"Wait. Isn't he younger than you?" Alfred questioned.

"Ja," Gilbert said and got up, walking upstairs.

"Ouch. Wouldn't want you pushing me around like that, huh little bro," he grinned and punched his shoulder in a joking manner.

"I'm older," he whispered, wondering why he even put up with Al in the first place. He should slap that stupid, oblivious, teasing grin off of his face. He should have done it years ago. Why wasn't he doing it now?

Right, because Gilbert was tramping back down the stairs, all bundled up to leave. "Bye Birdie," he said and tipped his chin up with his fingers to kiss him sweetly, "You can tell me what happened later. If I don't go, Luddy might explode."

"Are all Germans that angry?" Alfred asked.

"No, just him," Gilbert laughed, "I'll talk to you guys later if he doesn't murder me."

"Bye," Matthew said as he walked out of the kitchen. He got up, told Alfred he could eat the rest of his food, and went upstairs. He thought about watching Supernatural, but he didn't even want to do that. He kind of just wanted to take a nap. A long, long, never ending nap. So he crawled under the covers, which smelled faintly of Gilbert and beer, and fell asleep.

* * *

Alfred was digging through the hall closet, making as much noise as humanly possible. Matthew poked his head out of his room with a glare at being woken up. "What are you looking for?"

"Uh, the thing... that's got numbers on it..." he said, moving more stuff around.

"A clock?" Matthew sighed and walked out.

"No," Alfred said, "aha!" He pulled something out and set it on the ground. He stood up and dusted his hands off.

Matthew looked down at the weight scale he had pulled out. "Self conscious about your weight again?"

"Nope, I'm self conscious about your weight."

"That doesn't even make sense," he sighed, "And what about my weight? I'm not getting fat like you."

"I'm not fat!" Alfred said, "it's muscle."

"Sure," Matthew said sarcastically.

"Whatever. How much do you think you weigh?"

He gave him a confused look. "Like 128 or 130..."

"Okay. Now step on," Alfred instructed. Matthew saw no reason to argue, so he did as told. The dial spun and they both stared as the dial settled on a meager 122.

"Mattie, you need to eat something and gain some weight before you wither away."

"No I don't. I weigh just fine."

"No you're underweight!" Alfred raised his voice.

"So?"

"So something is wrong!" Alfred yelled.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Matthew said and pushed him away angrily, storming to his room.

Before he could even grab the handle, Alfred grabbed his wrist and yanked him back. "Tell me!"

"There's nothing wrong!" he yelled, his voice cracking and tears suddenly filled his eyes.

Alfred grabbed his shoulders and spun him around. When he saw the tears threatening to spill over, he softened and wiped them away. "Don't cry Mattie, don't cry," he said gently and Matthew was brought back 12 years.

_It was their first night at the__ir__ new __"__parents__"__ house and Alfred was acting all brave even though he was terrified of being with another family who would ultimately dump them back into the system. _

_They were given __separate__ rooms and Matthew felt all alone in his new room. So he gripped onto his stuffed polar bear, got out of bed, and walked to the door. He opened it, peeked out for either of the adults, and __padded __to Alfred's room. He opened the door and stepped in. _

"_Al?__"__ he whispered. _

"_Mattie?__"__ Al whispered back and sat up, "are you scared?__"_

"_N-No,__"__ Matthew denied and closed to door behind him, "I just miss you.__"_

"_Then sleep with me,__"__ he offered and scooted over to make room for his brother. Matthew climbed into bed, tears in his eyes. __"__Why are you crying?__"_

_Matthew shook his head, __"__I don't wan__na__ go though this again.__"_

"_Don't cry__,__ Mattie,__"__ Alfred said and wiped away his tears__,__"__Don't cry. I'll look out for you, okay?__"_

_Matthew nodded and pressed closer to his brave brother, thankful he was there. _

"Hey," Alfred said, bringing him back to the present.

He looked at him in a daze and hugged him tightly. "Thank you. I never said it, but thank you. I'm so sorry."

"What?" Alfred asked and hugged him back.

"Thank you for just being my brother and looking out for me."

"Oh, okay, no problem," he said, not sure what brought this on.

Matthew nodded and let him go, "Are you done yelling at me about my weight?"

"Will you eat something?" Alfred asked.

"I will when I'm hungry," Matthew said.

"Okay. I'm coming to get you for dinner and you better eat something from now on."

"Sure," Matthew said. He left Alfred and went back to his room. He didn't know how else to explain it other than he didn't feel hungry. He felt hungry and oddly irritated and tired.

He sighed and stared at his laptop, seeing no point in turning it on and seeing no point in doing anything really.

He settled on staring at the wall for awhile until his phone chimed. He rolled over and picked it up.

_Luddy yelled at me but he didn't kill me _

_Is that an accomplishment? _

_A little bit _

_So do you remember what happened for you to get drunk?_

_I think so. If you come over I'll tell you_

_Okay. I'll be there in a few. _

He rolled out of bed, pulled his coat on, and walked downstairs. Al had put the stuff away, although knowing him, everything was shoved haphazardly into the closet. He rolled his eyes then went to put on his shoes that were next to the front door.

Arthur and Francis were on the couch, watching some TV show, all cuddled up. He walked past them, trying not to disturb them, but neither of them even batted an eye. He sighed, slipped his shoes on, and walked out with no one noticing.

Matthew decided that if he wanted to be a ninja assassin, he could. He wouldn't even need to have ninja skills, nobody would notice his presence if he walked straight in. The thought was sad, but still, not everybody could be a silent ninja. Only the quiet, invisible people like him.

* * *

**So we got a whole lot of brotherly bonding and fighting and I know you were expecting more Gilbert. But never fear! Everything will be explained next chapter. Also, I'm sure by now some of you have guessed what's going on with Matthew, you probably could have even guessed since the first chapter. So I'm giving an advance for this. **

**WARNING: Chapter 11 will deal with sensitive issues such as drinking, anorexia, and depression. I am not making light of these issues, they are all something very serious. Please read the next chapter, and all of the chapters following, at your own discretion**.

**One last note: I have 29 favorites and 69 wonderful followers! (haha I'm a bit immature sometimes) And I want to thank everyone who has followed and favorited and reviewed, oh how I love the reviews! Thank youuu! \\('u')/ *hugs for all***


	11. Everyone Has Their Problems

**WARNING: Talk about sensitive topics of drinking, anorexia, and depression. Read at your own discretion.**

* * *

The bitter fall was wind was clashing with the weak sun, bringing a coldness to the air that made him jog a little faster. He quickly got to Gilbert's house and before he even had a chance to knock or catch his breath, the door opened. "Oi Birdie, you made it!" Gilbert grinned and pulled him inside.

Matthew nodded and shed his layers, Gilbert still talking. "So before I tell you anything, I want you to tell me what happened after I came over yesterday."

"Okay," he agreed and Gilbert led him down the hall, to his room.

He walked in, the room surprisingly clean. Spotless, really. He was almost afraid to sit on the bed, in fear of creating wrinkles. Gilbert didn't seem like the kind of person to keep an immaculate room, maybe his parents just cleaned it.

Gilbert sat on the edge of his bed and patted the spot next to him. Matthew sat next to him and Gilbert wrapped his arm around him, drawing him close. "So tell me how much fun of a drunk I am."

"Oh, well, um, you showed up at my door, confused and drunk. So I let you in and I took the bottle of beer from you. You pouted and I said to go to my room and you ran up the stairs. And when I got there you were..." he blushed slightly at the memory, "posing for me and you were flirting and making out with me and then... Al accidentally saw... but he left quickly. And you were still all over me and I asked you to stop. You did and then just passed out."

Gilbert listened to his story and nodded. "That sounds like something I would do," he grinned then his look turned a little more serious, "But why did you ask me to stop?"

"Because you were drunk," Matthew said.

"Well I'm not drunk now," Gilbert smirked and caressed his neck and collarbone with his fingers.

"O-Oh, um, yeah," he stammered and blushed.

Gilbert grinned and leaned toward him to kiss him. Matthew put his hands on his chest to stop him. "G-Gil?"

"Is something wrong, Birdie?"

"No, it's just that you were going to tell me what happened."

"Oh, right. Can't that wait?" he asked.

Matthew bit his lip and shook his head. Gilbert sighed and laid back. "Okay, but after I tell you, I might not be in the mood," he said and paused, probably hoping for a reaction from Matthew, who just looked at him patiently. "Fine, okay. So that girl Natalia found out where I live. I was just minding my own business when I saw her looking in through my window like a creepy stalker. I opened it and asked her what she thought she was doing and she said she was just admiring me and all my awesomeness and I was like 'thanks but you don't have to be all stalker about it'. And then she climbed through my window like some kind of demon spider, and totally tried to come at me. It took awhile to get her to leave and when she did I couldn't think about her anymore so I got drunk. Then Luddy was all like 'you're not allowed to drink here. You're an alcoholic and you need to stop' and I was like 'make me' and we got in a fight and I stormed out and ended up on your porch."

"Oh... what did you say to make her leave?" Matthew asked quietly.

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask that..." Gilbert sighed, "Basically I told her that I needed to break up with you so I could be with her."

"Gilbert!" Matthew gasped.

"I'm not going to do it Birdie! I don't want to be with crazy stalker girl," he said and shook his head, "I just didn't know what else to say..."

"She's just gonna come back. What are you gonna do? Kill her?" he asked sarcastically.

"I was thinking about going back to Germany," Gilbert mused.

Matthew hit his shoulder lightly, "No! You need to fix this, Gil."

Gilbert frowned, "How?"

"Well..." Matthew racked his brain for what to do, but all of them had to do with talking peacefully. No blood needed to be shed. Then an idea hit him in the face. "Wait doesn't she have a brother? That really tall guy, um, Evan?"

"Ivan," Gilbert said, "he's kind of strange too. Maybe it's inherent."

"Don't be mean," Matthew said and hit him lightly again, "What I'm saying is maybe we can tell her brother and he can help or something."

"You think so?" Gilbert asked.

"Yeah, I do," Matthew said confidently.

"I guess it's worth a shot," Gilbert said.

Matthew nodded, "We can do that Monday. Right now, I'd like to talk about your drinking problem."

"It's not a problem if I have it under control," Gilbert said.

Matthew sighed. "Just hear me out. Drinking beer is really bad for you, no matter if you 'have it under control'. By the time you're 30, you're going to need a liver transplant if you keep this up. And I don't know how you're getting beer, and I don't want to know, but I don't think you should get any more. And I also know it's hard to quit cold turkey, so I'm not asking you do that. I'm just saying to stop getting drunk and face your problems sober," he lectured, pretty sure that was the most he'd ever spoken at once.

"Do you really think all of that, Birdie?"

"Yes, Gil. I care about your health," Matthew said and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I care about yours," Gilbert said.

"Good, then we're on the same page."

"No I mean, you need to eat."

"What?"

"If I'm going to quit drinking, then you're going to start eating."

"What are you talking about?" Matthew stared at him and let his hand fall off of his shoulder.

"I'm talking about you being anorexic," Gilbert said, looking at him with worry.

"I-I'm not-"

"You are. Ever since I've met you, you've been getting skinnier and you were already a twig. You never eat at breakfast or lunch, and I'm pretty sure that means you've been skipping dinner too."

"I'm just not hungry..." Matthew said. He really didn't think he had an eating disorder. Is that was Al was going on about?

"And I'm just tired of being sober," Gilbert said, "But I... care about you... a lot. And I don't want you to end up in the hospital because of it."

"I'm fine," Matthew muttered. So what if he didn't eat?

"No, Birdie, you're not. This morning you didn't want pancakes. And you've told me how much you love pancakes. So if you don't even want to eat your favorite food, something is seriously wrong," Gilbert said, looking sad. Matthew couldn't look at him anymore so he stared at the clean floor. "I don't want you telling me that you're fine because you are always 'fine'. I should have told you sooner and I'm sorry but I didn't because you told me and Alfred not to worry. I do and I didn't say anything but I'm stopping this before it gets too far."

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"No, don't be. I just... I've seen people that do this go to the hospital. They get sick and it just ruins their body and nothing is ever the same again. And sometimes... Sometimes they don't come out. You..." he choked up a little, "you could go in and not come out too. I don't think I could deal with that."

He bit his lip and shook his head, "It's not like that. It's different."

"Different? What's different? That you're a guy? Because it doesn't matter if you're not a girl, it's all the same when you end up being force fed through a tube."

"Gil, please stop," he said, tears springing to his eyes. Gilbert was scaring him. He didn't think it could go that far for him. He didn't want it to go that far.

Gilbert gently grabbed his shoulders. "Matthew," he said and hearing his name spoken like that scared him more. He slowly brought himself to look at him, "I want to help. I'm not letting this go on and... can I ask you something else?"

"Yeah," Matthew said quietly. He had a feeling he knew what Gilbert was going to ask.

"Are you depressed?" Gilbert asked straight out, placing a hand on his back.

"I-I, um, I don't know," he said and choked up. Hearing the question out loud was worse than it was in his head.

Gilbert hugged him close and told him the list for common symptoms of depression, as if he'd done this before. Matthew felt worse and worse as he was able to check off quite a few symptoms.

"I guess I am... I didn't know... I just thought this was how it's supposed to be," he said quietly, tears finally falling.

Gilbert wordlessly held him and let him cry. He didn't want to in front of him, but he couldn't control the sobs wracking his thin body as the tears fell. He pressed his face into Gilbert's shoulder, soaking his shirt.

After he finally calmed down and un-latched from him, Gilbert took off his glasses. He wiped the tear stains off the lens' with the bottom of his shirt then carefully placed them back on his face. "This is serious, and you know it. But I can help, okay? I went through the same thing sophomore year."

"You did?" Matthew asked quietly, sniffling.

"I did, but I had people to help me through it. And you have people too, you just have to ask."

Matthew stared at him, tears gathering in his eyes again as emotion overwhelmed him. "Gilbert, please help me," he barely whispered and realized that's what he wanted all along. Someone to help him.

"I'll do whatever it takes," Gilbert said and hugged him tightly, almost crushing his malnourished body, "Okay, Matthew?"

"O-Okay," he agreed, pressing closer to him. He just wanted to be held for a minute. He needed to pull himself together. And he did, slowly, with Gilbert coaxing him to stop his tears and emerge from his embrace. He looked into Gilbert's red eyes, the white area around it slightly red from drinking. Matthew was sure his eyes looked worse. But neither seemed to care. Gilbert moved his hair out of his face with care and grabbed him a few tissues to blow his nose in. When he felt composed, he looked at Gilbert once more.

"Thank you," he said softly and Gilbert nodded, smiling slightly.

"Everything for you, Birdie. Everything."

* * *

_I went over to Gilbert's house yesterday, after he showed up here drunk. We talked about Natalia and if that wasn't enough, Gilbert made me cry. I don't want to admit it, but I did. Gil didn't do anything wrong, I actually think he helped. He helped me realize that I__'m depressed and anorexic__. I guess I should have realized this awhile ago, but I didn't. I just needed someone like Gil to tell me. So that's why I cried. He really cares about me. I know he does because of what he says and does. I hope he can help me more.__ But __I'm still not completely sure that I should start eating a lot. I like the way I look. Although it would be nice to be happier. And t__hat's what's kept me going all this time. I've always had a little hope, even if everything looked hopeless. I was just waiting for my Gilbert. I think everyone needs their own Gilbert._

_Sincerely,__ Hopeful_

Matthew stared at the words, particularly at the word "Gilbert". Gilbert had promised to not tell anybody about this, especially not Alfred. Even though Alfred might already know, but who knew what he thought since his head was so hollow.

He didn't want to see a therapist or a doctor and he definitely didn't want to go to the hospital. He could control this, right? He could get better with just the help of Gilbert. He told himself this over and over again, but Alfred told him dinner was soon, and he didn't want to eat. He promised them both he would eat. But saying and doing were two very different things.

He slipped the notebook back under his bed and got up. He opened the door just as Alfred was raising his hand to knock. "Dude, nice timing," he said and walked down the hall. Matthew silently followed him into the kitchen.

Francis was busy finishing the food while Arthur looked like he was trying to help. "Arthur, if my food burns I will bury you with it," he was saying.

"Sod off, I don't burn everything," Arthur said and thumped his head.

"You're pretty smoking in bed," Francis smirked and Arthur blushed slightly.

"Shut it, the kids are in the room."

"I'm practically an adult!" Alfred spoke up.

"Once you actually start doing things on your own and get a job, then I'll consider you an adult," Arthur said.

Alfred stuck his tongue out childishly and sat down. Matthew, who seemed to be completely invisible at the moment, sat down next to him.

"Don't make him grow up too fast. Because once he's gone, you'll miss him," Francis said, placing their bowls on the table. Chili, delicious on a cold day like today.

"I will not, I'll be glad to have a little peace and quiet," Arthur said.

"You'll miss me," Alfred said, already eating. Francis sat down with Arthur and they started eating.

"Think what you want. Now close your mouth when you eat, I raised you better," Arthur scolded and blew on a spoonful of chili to cool it.

Matthew looked down at his bowl of chili. It was undoubtedly delicious since Papa had made it, but he didn't want any. His stomach felt queasy with the smell of it floating around him.

"Bro, eat before I force you," Alfred said with his mouth full, earning a look from Arthur.

"Okay," he murmured and picked up his spoon. He blew on it and took a bite. It did taste as delicious as it looked. He forced himself to eat a few bites before he set his spoon down, deciding he was done.

"Mattie, eat," Alfred said, nudging his arm.

"I did," he said softly.

"Not enough," Alfred said.

"Look, I ate some, and that's all you're getting from me," he said and stood up, walking away. He didn't have to put up with Alfred. He was his own person and he had everything under control.

"Goddammit!" he heard Alfred yell in frustration, and Arthur promptly scolded him. He stopped in the hall to listen as Al kept speaking, trying to calm his churning stomach. "I don't fucking care about not swearing right now, and you shouldn't either!"

"And why is that?" Arthur asked.

"Because something is wrong with my brother and I fucking care about him!" Alfred yelled even louder, causing Matthew to flinch.

Moments later, Alfred was in the hall, looking pissed off. He grabbed Matthew's wrist and yanked him to his room before he could protest. He was shoved in, none too gently, and tripped over a pile of clothes. He landed on his hands and knees and by the time he stood up, Alfred had closed the door. They stared at each other a moment, Alfred looking more serious than he'd ever thought possible.

"Take your shirt off," he instructed.

"W-What?" Matthew asked and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Mattie, I'm 100 percent sure that if you take your shirt off, I'll be able to see your ribs. I want to see if I'm right, which for once I don't want to be."

"I-I..." he stood still, not moving.

"Fine, we'll do this the hard way," Alfred said.

"The hard w-ahh!" he let out a gasp of surprise as Alfred grabbed him and pushed him back on his bed. He sat on him and tried to pull his his shirt off. "No, Al, stop! Please!" he begged and struggled.

"Come on, Mattie!" he groaned, almost too easily managing to yank his shirt up. Matthew panted slightly from the struggle and let his head fall back. After a moment he looked up to see Al's shocked face. "Its worse than I thought. I can fucking count your ribs. Mattie, what the hell is going on!?"

"Calm down, please," he said quietly and Alfred stayed silent, waiting, "I'm, um, anorexic..." he admitted and it felt so weird to say it. He didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be true, but the evidence was right there.

"Why? You were already skinny enough and... are you trying to impress Gilbert with this? Trying to look your best for him? Because you look terrible now! You look sick and you are sick!" he said, his voice raising again.

"I-I know," Matthew whispered and shook his head, "but I'm not trying to look skinnier."

"Then why?" Alfred asked, finally letting him pull his shirt down, but not getting off him. Matthew hesitated. He really didn't want to tell Al because if he really cared this much, then he would tell their parents. And if they cared enough, then he'd have to go to a therapist or a hospital. "Please. I want to help."

"You always want to be the hero," he spat out bitterly, surprising them both. He clamped his mouth shut, wondering where the hell that came from. "I'm sorry," he whispered, this time saying what he intended, quietly and meaningful.

Alfred looked pretty hurt and he hated to see that, because mental pain hurt so much more than physical pain. He should know. "Please don't yell, okay?" he asked and Al nodded, "I-I'm depressed a-and I have been for a while I think... I guess I'm just too sad to eat, I don't know, and I know I'm too skinny, but it hasn't really bothered me."

Alfred looked over at the wall while Matthew spoke, and continued to do that as he got off of him carefully. "I'm sorry, Mattie," he said and hugged him gently, as if afraid he would break.

Matthew hugged him back, then silently walked out. He moved across the hall to his room, needing to alone. He just needed to be by himself for awhile.

* * *

**So that was... a chapter. An extra long, very sad chapter. Again, I'm really sorry if this hit any sore spots. You don't have to agree in any way with what has been said as these are mostly my personal beliefs on these issues.**

**On a lighter note, there was a small bit of cute FrUk there to help, although I don't know how much of a part they'll have anymore considering I had no idea this was going to happen when I began writing. Oh and did you catch that whole "Once he's gone you'll miss him" thing? Yeah that was a small American Revolution reference, if you hadn't been sad enough already. Next chapter, in my opinion, is a little lighter, but things have to get worse before they get better. Have a good day and thanks to everyone who actually reads my end dabble!**


	12. 50 Calories Lighter

Staring at the food made him feel sick. Smelling the food made him feel sick. Just being near the food made him feel sick. And that's exactly how he felt as he sat in the lunchroom. He would much rather not be here. But Gilbert and Alfred were hounding him, forcing him to eat.

And he hated it. He hated it so much. They couldn't do this to him. They didn't understand.

He tore his thoughts away from the offending meal and thought back to just a few days ago. Two days after Alfred found out, he was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. He had his shirt off, looking at his body.

Alfred said it made him look sick, and Gil had basically said the same thing. So then... why did he like it? He liked how thin he was, able to see where his ribs ended and his stomach went flat. He breathed in and his stomach expanded slightly. It made him look fatter. He breathed out and still saw it. He wasn't thin enough yet, he told himself. _Thinner, I need to be thinner_, he thought, standing on his tip-toes to get a better view of his hips. They jut out slightly, giving him more of a feminine look. But that didn't matter because he wore loose shirts and over sized hoodies all the time.

Maybe he could get past the watchful eyes of them. He would just have to eat, right? But then, if he started eating, he would get fatter. And he didn't want that. He figured that if he consumed as little as possible to please them, then exercised and drank a lot of water or tea, he could get even skinnier.

His dull eyes lit up at the prospect. That was brilliant. The idea formed quickly in his head. Wake up early for a morning run, maybe have a granola bar for breakfast, then eat something at lunch. Then he could run after school, yes, he could run the long way home. Skip the snack, and eat some dinner. He thought that if he did that, it would leave him with consuming approximately 1,000 calories, plus or minus some with the exercising.

Finally, he was getting himself together. He had a plan, a goal. He put his shirt back on and walked out of the bathroom. He retrieved the scale from the closet, and placed it in his room.

Might as well weigh himself now... 123. They'd made him gain a pound. Well, he could just lose that. And more. He could lose 10 pounds in just a month, if he worked hard enough.

"Okay, I can do this," he pep talked himself with a quiet determination. Kumachima stared at him sadly from his place on the bed. "They don't control me, I do. If I do this right, it won't be unhealthy. I'm not the unhealthy one. Alfred is, the fat, piggish, slob. I'm doing the right thing. I'm supposed to be skinny."

And thinking about that made him finally take a bite of his sandwich. His stomach rumbled, thankful for the bit of food. He couldn't just completely starve himself. He would die that way. At least this way he would live.

But still, the smell of the other food around him made him feel a bit nauseous. His stomach clenched and his heart sped up with the pain of it. If he needed to throw up, he was certain he could make it to a bathroom in time. But he'd much rather not do that. It always burned his throat and left an acidic taste in his mouth.

"I'm glad you're eating, Birdie," Gilbert said, as he had for the past few days. He nodded and took another bite, feeling the pieces drop like heavy stones. He drank some of his Smart water. He figured he could get most of his vitamins this way with no calorie intake. Like he said, he had total control with this.

"So I was thinking we could go see a movie after school," Gilbert said.

"What movie?" Matthew asked, putting his half eaten sandwich down. He picked back up his water.

"Whatever you want, Birdie," Gilbert said and grew a wicked grin, "50 Shades of Gray sounds good." Matthew choked on his water in surprise and coughed hard, clutching his chest. Gilbert patted his back. "Sorry. Maybe I should have waited until you were done," he said, not sounding the least bit sorry.

"You're mean," Matthew coughed, but wasn't mad at all.

"So is that a yes?"

"It's a no," Matthew said, blushing slightly, "I don't think you in a dark theater with a porno movie is a good idea."

Gilbert laughed, "you might be right."

Matthew nodded, "Look up what other movies are playing."

Gilbert did as told, although his phone refused, loading the web page as if it was using dial- up. "Service sucks in here."

"I know," Matthew agreed, but his mind was elsewhere. He was adding up calories in his head. The granola bar from breakfast was 120. Half of his sandwich was maybe another 200. That added to 320, which is what he needed. That left almost 700 for dinner. Unless Gilbert wanted him to eat popcorn. Which wasn't too many calories and relatively healthy without butter. But it might be hard to convince him out of butter...

Gilbert nudged him out of the world of crunching calories and he blinked. "What?"

"I said, do you want to skip classes and go now?"

"No," he said. Gilbert should already know he wouldn't do that.

"Can't say I tried," Gilbert grinned. Matthew nodded with a small smile but frowned as he looked back at the sandwich. He would not be eating the rest of that, he decided, and went to throw it away.

* * *

In, out. In, out. He breathed, jogging down the street. His backpack was heavy, pulling him down. In, out. His entire body felt like it was on fire, but he kept going, trying to remember to breathe.

His vision clouded for a moment, his knees buckled, and he was falling to the cement. He unsteadily caught himself with his hands, scraping them badly. His knees banged on the ground and his backpack jabbed into his back. His arms wobbled as he stared at the ground, trying to figure out what happened.

He tried to control his racing heart, he'd only run five blocks. Slowly, he pushed himself up. His vision wavered and he stumbled, shifting his backpack. He had three more blocks to go. He could definitely run that. He'd done it for the past few days, after all.

Matthew set to jogging again, but this time his pace was a bit slower. He stumbled a few times but didn't fall. He slowed down as he came up to the house and walked up the steps, trying to control his harsh breathing.

He reached for the door handle and leaned his weight against it for a moment, his head spinning. After his heart rate slowed and he could see straight, he walked in. He trudged to his room, feeling maybe too tired. School was quickly wearing him out and he couldn't wait for graduation. He flopped on his bed and groaned into the pillow. It was only October. He only had seven months left in this hell hole. He'd already endured 17 years, he was sure he could manage. Now that he was getting his life on track anyways.

Gilbert would be picking him up at 4:15 to go to the movies- hopefully not the one he'd suggested- so he decided to take a quick, hour long nap. Immediately as he thought it, he fell asleep.

"Birdie, do you want to wake up now?" A voice asked that sounded like Gilbert. He groaned as a 'no', feeling as if he'd slept for mere minutes, and he needed hours. "Come on, your awesome boyfriend has been waiting for an hour and wants to watch a movie." A kiss landed on his forehead then on his nose, cheek, and finally lips. He woke up more, kissing back until the lips fell away and pulled into a smirk.

"Gil? Is it time to go already?" he asked and rolled onto his side from his back, his body feeling stiff and tired.

"Well I got here, let myself in, and found you were sleeping, so I waited for you to wake up. I was going to let you sleep longer but I'm pretty impatient and easily bored. Not that I don't mind staring at you as you sleep," he grinned and winked.

He blushed slightly then frowned. "How long did you let me sleep?"

"About an hour," he shrugged.

"Why didn't you just wake me up? We missed the movie."

"You've looked really tired lately and I just wanted you to sleep for a little. Plus we can catch another movie still."

"Oh, okay," he said and sat up, his muscles screaming in protest. He swung his legs over the bed and stood up too fast. His knees gave out and he fell, Gilbert barely catching him.

"Whoa, careful," he said and sat him back on the bed.

He nodded and blinked, his vision spotting. "Thanks," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"Maybe you should stay in bed," Gilbert said, worried.

"No, I just stood up too fast. I'm going," he said and stood once more, able to stay standing.

Gilbert looked ready to catch him again but nodded when he stayed upright, "Okay. But if something's wrong, you better tell me."

"I'm fine. Promise," Matthew flashed him a reassuring smile and walked out of his room. He didn't look back as Gilbert followed him, but he could practically feel the worried expression on his face. It bothered him that Gilbert worried about him so much. He shouldn't have to.

Minutes later, Matthew was trying to convince Gilbert on a more trivial matter.

"Spongebob is more family friendly."

"I'd like to be more than family friendly with you," Gilbert said.

"Gil!" he said and blushed, "you're not actually thinking about doing anything in public, are you?"

"I've _been _thinking about it," Gilbert smirked.

"Please stop," Matthew muttered and covered his face with his hands. People in the ticket line were watching. How embarrassing.

"You know you like it," Gilbert said.

Matthew peeked out from his fingers and lowered his already quiet voice, "You can watch people making out online for free."

Gilbert laughed, "there's making out in this movie? I heard the plot was awesome and well developed."

Matthew rolled his eyes, "Fine, but next time we're seeing a kids movie."

"Yes sir," Gilbert smiled and Matthew ducked before he could kiss his cheek.

"N-Not in public," he stammered.

Gilbert was about to respond when it was their turn to get tickets. "Two for 50 Shades of Gray, please." he said, showed the man his I.D., then paid. He handed Matthew his ticket and they walked across the lobby. "As I was going to say, does sitting in a dark theater far away from other people count as public?"

"Yes!" he gasped and shook his head.

"I wouldn't have thought so," Gilbert said and waited in the concessions line. "I'm getting popcorn, do you want extra butter?"

"Actually, um, could we get no butter?"

"No butter?" Gilbert asked, feigning shock.

"Yea, well, um, it's healthier," he informed a bit nervously.

"If I get no butter, will you actually eat any?" Gilbert asked.

"A little," he said, thinking a few pieces couldn't hurt too much... he could just eat less dinner. Hopefully Al wouldn't notice.

"Okay. I'm getting a pop," Gilbert said, seemingly pleased with Matthew's words.

"Water for me," he said softly.

Gilbert nodded and ordered. Matthew stared up at the colorful menu, feeling empty and how hunger pulled at him. But he looked away and ignored it. That salted pretzel looked gross anyways.

Gilbert carried the popcorn and his pop to the theater where they picked a spot, second row from the top. Perfectly awesome placing to see the movie, in Gilbert's opinion. "Not that I'll be doing much watching," he smirked and Matthew blushed, thankful for the low lighting. The lights dimmed even more as the last announcement played, and Matthew sipped on his water.

"This isn't too bad," Gilbert said, eating some popcorn. He offered it to Matthew and he took a few pieces, eating them without complaint. Gilbert looked satisfied and sat back as the movie started.

It started out pretty boring, the plot listless and poorly executed. But pretty soon, the sexy scenes started. Matthew shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat, wondering what kind of people came to see a movie like this. Right, Gilbert.

Speaking of Gilbert, he was currently placing his hand on his knee. Matthew was quickly distracted as his hand slid up his leg. He didn't stop it though since Gilbert would just keep doing it. He bit his lip and let out a squeak as Gilbert made it the whole way up. He heard Gilbert chuckle and suddenly he was very close to him, leaning even closer to kiss his neck. His eyes closed slightly as Gilbert kissed down his neck and sucked on the skin above his collarbone. Gilbert started rubbing him over his jeans and he held in a gasp, trying not to give Gilbert the satisfaction of knowing he didn't particularly hate it.

"G-Gil," he whispered helplessly, "Y-You can't do this here."

He left his neck alone for the moment to respond. "You know you like it," he smirked and captured his lips. He seemed very insistent on taking advantage of him in a theater and Matthew soon decided that making out couldn't be too harmful.

He gave Gilbert entrance to his mouth and he slipped his tongue in, exploring inside as his hand knotted in his hair. Matthew blushed hard and had no idea what to do with his hands so he settled on placing them on the back of his neck, albeit forcing Gilbert even closer to him. Gilbert knew exactly what to do with his hands, sliding over Matthew's body with soft but needy touches.

Moments later, he heard a particularly loud moan from the other side of the room. He gently pushed Gilbert away from him, not wanting it to get quite that far. "So you want to do this in private?" Gilbert said a bit breathlessly.

"Um, uh..." he blushed even more, his face already red, and glanced at the screen, where everyone had their clothes on for the moment. "Why don't we just watch the movie?"

"Sure, Birdie," Gilbert said and settled back in his seat, "But that just means I get to ravish you later."

Matthew shook his head and fiddled with his hoodie to fix it as yet another hot make out scene started. This was going to be a long movie.

* * *

**Gil is here to lighten to mood! Does the title make sense now? Puns, haha. But I don't mean any disrespect or hate on the 50 Shades of Gray book or movie, it's just my opinions. Anyways, what do you think will happen next? Will Gilbert finally get to "ravish" him? Or will Matt continue in his downward spiral? Things can get better guys, trust me! This just can't happen in a day! (I suppose they could but what kind of writer would I be?) Until next time, my wonderful readers!**


	13. Snapped and Broken

**WARNING: Some course language and triggering events of suicidal thoughts/ actions. Please read at your own discretion.**

* * *

Approximately five uncomfortable make out scenes and one crappy ending later, they were finally released from the theater.

"I was wrong, the plot was terrible," Gilbert said and Matthew rolled his eyes.

"What plot?" he joked.

Gilbert laughed, "Good one." He stopped by the trash and sipped on the last of his pop to finish it. Matthew watched some of the people walk out of the room they'd just exited. Mostly couples, quite a few of them looking like they'd had as much fun as the actors on screen.

And then his heart stopped as the next couple walked out.

"You know you enjoyed it, mon cher," Francis smiled, holding a blushing Arthur's hand.

"I did not. The movie was poorly executed," Arthur said, not even trying to break away.

Matthew pressed against the wall as they passed him, wide eyed. They didn't notice him at all.

"I wasn't talking about the movie," Francis grinned and Arthur blushed more, if possible.

"I know, frog. Just shut up about it here," Arthur said as they turned the corner and disappeared.

That was the moment when Matthew realized that he was his dad. And Gilbert was his Papa. He rested his head against the wall and tried to continue breathing. This was not okay. This was too weird. And now... Now he suddenly couldn't breathe. His chest tightened and he couldn't get any air in.

"Was that your parents?" Gilbert asked, having been silent that whole time. "Birdie? What's wrong? Look at me."

His clutched his chest, over his heart, as his vision slipped momentarily, and when he opened his eyes, Gilbert was holding him in his arms, shaking him gently.

"Gil," he whispered, breathing just fine now, "stop shaking me."

Gilbert stopped and stared at him in barely contained fear. "Birdie, you just fainted. What happened?"

"Fainted?" he asked and realized that Gil was sitting on the ground with him in his lap.

"I saw your parents walk by then you leaned against the wall and just dropped," Gilbert explained.

"Oh, um, it's nothing. Just a little shocked, I guess," Matthew said and attempted to get up. Gilbert helped him and he stayed standing, if a bit shaky.

"Are you sure?" he asked, holding onto him, "You fell earlier, too."

"I'm sure," Matthew said but wasn't sure of anything right now. Why had he fainted? It couldn't have been that much of a shock to see his parents at a movie like that.

"Let's just get you home," Gilbert said and started toward the exit. Matthew nodded and focused on not tripping over his own two feet, barely noticing the amount of people who were staring in wonder. Gilbert drove him back to his house and spent the day there, worrying over his well being. Other than tired, Matthew felt just fine.

* * *

Third hour came right before lunch. And for Matthew this usually meant wondering how little calories he could consume at lunch while still eating a "normalish" amount, as Gilbert called it. It was starting to become like a game. Decrease how much he ate at meal times and win the overall prize of lowest calorie intake for the day. Yay!

But today was different. He was in the dirty restrooms- it was becoming his new hide out spot- crying and blubbering and pinching at the taught skin on his stomach. Gilbert was there too, trying to console, pushing his arms away from his body. Matthew openly sobbed, half yelling and half choking, not sure if he wanted Gilbert to hug him or punch him in the face in rage.

And really, how did all of this go down? Well it goes back to the end of fourth hour. Matthew was having a tame day so far, not feeling too bad. He walked out of the class and someone bumped into him, almost knocking him over. Instead he fell into a group of girls walking down the crowded hall.

"Watch where you're going, fat ass!" the guy hurled an insult at him, not even caring how thin and fragile Matthew looked.

The girls squealed and one pushed him off, looking pissed, "Yeah, get off me, fat ass!" she said and the group of girls with her laughed, agreeing to please their leader.

"I-I'm sorry," Matthew whispered, over and over again, "sorry, sorry, sorry...:

The girls only huffed and continued on their merry way, the guy already gone. He felt tears in his eyes, and pressed back against a wall.

He barely noticed hands on his shoulders, eyes tightly closed as he tried not to cry. "Birdie, what's wrong?" Gilbert's voice cut through his ears.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, the only thing he could think of to say.

"Sorry? For what?" Gilbert asked, holding onto his shoulders gently.

"I bumped into someone," he muttered, inhaling as he tried to breathe right and feeling an overwhelming sense of panic grip him.

He didn't know when he started walking but he felt his feet moving as Gilbert steered him down the still crowded hall. He watched the tile and his feet move below him, trying to stop his tears and panic. Then suddenly he was in the restrooms and Gilbert was talking to him but he couldn't hear.

Then his words flooded in, "What do you mean? What happened? You need to tell me, Birdie. And calm down... You're shaking. Here, calm down."

"I-I can't," he whispered. The bell rang, drowning out his gasp of pain as tears started falling. "Th-They called me fat."

"You're not-"

"Then why did they say it, Gil!?" he suddenly yelled, shaking and crying uncontrollably.

"Because they're jerks," Gilbert said, trying to hold him.

Matthew pushed him away and pinched at the taught skin of his stomach. "No, they're right!" he cried, "I'm fat! I'm fat and I don't want to be!"

"Birdie, calm down, you're getting too worked up over this," Gilbert said, pushing his hands away.

"Leave me alone! Just stop! You don't understand!" Matthew yelled and clenched his fists, feeling angry yet defeated.

And that's how this whole mess started.

Gilbert's arms fell now and he stared at Matthew sadly. "Maybe I'd understand if you told me."

Matthew shook his head. "You'll never understand. You can't because you're just like the rest of them!"

"What?" Gilbert asked, startled.

And if Matthew had any strings left in that moment, they had snapped. He would regret this later, but right now, he was far past regretting anything. "You heard me! Am I talking loud enough? I said you're _just like them!_ You're an egotistical, narcissistic asshole! You don't even care about me, do you? You've just been playing me this whole time, like every jerk like you does! Why don't you go find some girl to hit it up with since you like any whore better than me!"

"Matthew, you don't mean that," Gilbert whispered, trying to make sense of the situation.

"I do! I don't want to see you ever again! _I wish I'd never met you!_" he seethed and punched Gilbert in the chest as hard as he could, which wasn't very hard.

Gilbert stepped back, a look of complete shock on his face. "You... You don't..." he covered his mouth with his hand and quickly fled out of he restroom before he could made things worse.

Matthew, feeling tired and deflated, slumped to the ground and continued crying. He was immensely angry at Gilbert. How dare he come in and ruin his perfectly fine life. Matthew felt his heart beating with hate, not just for him, but for everyone. And there was just enough hate leftover to hate himself.

He knew he couldn't just leave school, so after lunch he hauled himself to his next class. He had calmed down slightly, but not much, mentally calling Gilbert and every asshole who'd ever messed with him every swear word he knew. He didn't pay attention in any of his classes the rest of the day, thinking about hitting people with his hockey stick. He could smack that teasing smirk off of Gilbert's face. Maybe rearrange it to look more pleasing. That sounded like a good idea.

In sixth hour he purposely avoided looking at Gilbert, staring out the window the entire time. He quite liked this window. There was a tree that could be seen that was red with the autumn season. It was thick and tall with a branch low enough to the ground to climb on. He thought about ways to hurt people with that wonderful tree. Bash their head against the bark, push them out of it when they climbed high, shove a twig or two down their throat. He grinned maniacally at the thoughts, feeling Gilbert's eyes burning into the back of his head. But he refused to look.

He jogged home from school, fueled by his anger. He went straight to his room, flung his heavy backpack to the floor, and pulled out his notebook from under his bed. Time to vent his feelings in a more appropriate manner.

_I knew I was stupid but how could I think I liked someone like _him_. He's no better than the rest. He wants to change me and "help" me but he only ever makes things worse. I hate him. I hate life. I hate myself. I really do. I should just end it all. Then I wouldn't have to feel like this any more. Then no one could push me around, I won't have to worry about how fat I am, I won't have to deal with Al or German jerk-face. But I'll have to destroy this thing before I go. I don't want anyone finding it. Or maybe I should leave this journal. Let everyone know how much I suffered. Maybe they'll realize what they had is now gone. It's their turn to suffer. _

_It's your turn to suffer! Especially you, Alfred Fucking Jones. I get constantly beat up because of you. I hope you're happy with yourself, you fat, hamburger loving, dumbass 5-year-old. Oh, and I can't leave out my "parents", now can I? If I can even call you idiots that. Arthur you're such a stupid tea loving Brit who doesn't even remember I exist most of the time. And Francis, my Papa. You forget about me too and you were my only friend I had growing up... rot in hell you bastards. I bet you didn't even want me. Al and I were just a package deal. We wouldn't be separated so you took me too. How heinous of you. You never wanted me because no one does. No one loves me. Not even my real parents loved me or wanted me. I bet that bear isn't even from my mom. It's probably from the social worker. Remember her Al? Big hair, stupid smile, always saying "this is your new forever home". I hope she rots in hell, too. I hope everyone does. I sure will be. _

_Sincerely, F Off_

Matthew shook and tore the page out crumpling it in a ball and throwing it toward the waste bin where is settled beside it. He grabbed Kuma and tried ripping its head off, but he was too weak. He snatched a pocket knife from on his dresser and stabbed the bear viciously in the neck, who stared at him helplessly as his stuffing fell out. Matthew cut a rip down the bear's chest, a straight line from the neck to the hind legs. He dropped the knife and dug his fingers under the neck, gripped the body, and pulled, severing the head off. Stuffing fell like snow on his lap and he felt all of the adrenaline pour out of his body.

He stared at his decapitated bear and cracked. He broke down into sobs so hard that his body shook and he could barely breathe. He coughed and wiped the snot from his nose, curling up in a ball. He clutched his torn up bear, crying for it and for himself and how he just didn't want to be here any more. Life wasn't fair. No, it was cruel. And it had won. Matthew wasn't strong enough to deal with it any more. He gave up, mentally proclaiming this was the end. This was how he'd go. He opened his red, teary eyes, seeing the pocket knife lying there. One quick swipe and it would all be over with.

Tentatively, he reached for it, imaging how it would feel. It would be the best pain. But just as his fingers reached the blade, he lost consciousness, dropping into a sea of endless black.

* * *

**So I know you're probably thinking "How could you do this? Do you have tea with Satan!?" And the answer to that is: Coca Cola, not tea. I know a lot of you have expressed that you want Matthew better, and I've done the complete opposite, but things won't be better in a day. Again, I apologize for hitting sore spots, that's not my intentions, as it is all very sensitive things to me as well. **

**Also, my updates have finally caught up with my writing so if I don't post for a week, it's because I'm still going over my writing. I go over each chapter like 5 times to catch any mistakes, which is much more than I can say for my schoolwork. You're all very important and thanks for still reading this, even if you hate me!**


	14. Barely Breathing

Fissures disrupted the calm blackness of sleep, bright on his eyelids. The fissures cracked and expanded, the light penetrating the black and brightening. Then he heard the voices.

"We should take him to the hospital."

"I don't think it's gotten to that point yet. We should just talk to him."

"And what if he doesn't listen?"

"We'll figure that out when and if it happens."

Silence for a moment. Matthew forced open his eyes and was now able to see the figures of his family near him.

"I wonder what he was going to do with this," Alfred spoke sadly, holding the pocket knife.

"He cut the bear with it," Arthur said unhelpfully.

"Yea, but he was holding it and it was pointed toward him..."

"Don't make assumptions," Francis spoke, then looked at him. He smiled kindly and stepped closer to his bed. "Oh, look who is awake. How are you feeling, Mathieu?"

"You care?" Matthew frowned, feeling drained of all his energy.

"Of course we do," Francis said gently, taking his hands.

Matthew ripped his hands away. "You think you do, but you don't." Francis had been keeping his expression warm and caring but now he looked shocked.

"Mattie, what's gotten into you?" Alfred asked and shook his head, "I don't know what you've done with my brother but I want him back."

"I've been here this whole time, you just never noticed because you all live in Alfred World. Everything is all about you and you're completely infatuated with yourself. So why would you notice me? I'm just the other twin, part of the package deal," he said bitterly.

"That's not true!" Alfred said and leaned over his bed, toward him, "If I didn't notice you or care about you then we would've been separated."

"You used to notice. But things have changed," Matthew said simply.

"What things?" Alfred asked, "like you stabbing and decapitating your favorite polar bear?"

Matthew stared mutely at the bear head beside him, then the closed pocket knife in Alfred's hand. He shrugged. "What's wrong with that?"

"You don't just stab stuffed animals unless you're completely insane!" Alfred burst out.

"Alfred, I think you meant to say that we're worried for your health," Arthur spoke up for the first time in awhile.

"I'm not sick," Matthew crossed his arms in annoyance. These idiots. They would never listen. He eyed the door, wanting to escape, but Arthur was blocking it.

"Okay, you're not. But we're going to set up an appointment with a therapist so you can vent your anger in a more civilized manner," Arthur said calmly and Matthew twitched.

_Oh hell no._ "No! You're not sending me to a therapist! _I am fine!_ See? Just fine!" Matthew broke down and yelled, tears in his eyes once more.

Arthur and Francis exchanged a fearful look. Even Alfred edged away from the bed. Time to leave, whether they liked it or not. He grabbed the Kuma head and abruptly got out of his bed. He glared at his family. "If you take me to see a therapist or to a hospital, I will never forgive any of you and I'll hate you forever," he spoke calmly but with venom, making sure they heard every word.

They stood still and silent, like Medusa's statues. Only Arthur moved as Matthew stepped up to him. He opened he door and walked out of their sight. He put his shoes on, stuffed Kuma's head in his pocket, and walked out, slamming the door behind him. He didn't know where he was going, so he just walked where his feet took him, feeling weariness settle in his muscles quickly.

He was now walking down a street he didn't know, probably half an hours walk away from the place he called home. He had his hood up to yield off the chilly air, his hands in his pockets.

Suddenly he heard a girl yelling. "Toris, stay away from my brother! I said I'll cut you, and I will!" That voice made him freeze, his blood running colder than the air outside. He turned to see Natalia- of all people- rushing at him from behind a tree. He watched with wide eyes as she ran, wielding a large knife. Now this was the kind of person that belonged in an mental hospital.

"I'm not Toris!" he was able to blurt and she stopped short, but still posed the knife to stab him.

"Who are you?" she asked and narrowed her eyes at him, "Micheal, right? The one that stole Gilbert from me."

"My name's Matthew," he said. No matter how much she scared him, he wasn't going to let the name game go on any longer.

"Well, _Matthew, _I'm glad you happened by, because now I have a chance to get rid of you."

"You're going to kill me?" he blinked and didn't feel as much fear as he should have. It was a knife that would end him, either way.

"No. I'm not a murderer. I'm just going to show you that I get what I want."

"Wait," he said once he realized she wasn't going to kill him. She paused in raising the knife, "you can have him.

"What?" she deadpanned and faltered.

"You heard me. You can have Gilbert. He's a jerk anyways," Matthew said a bit sadly. He pushed away the image of the hurt look on Gilbert's face before he ran out at school.

Natalia grinned and lowered her knife. "Good. As long as you stay away, I won't have to hurt you." Matthew nodded and Natalia looked around suspiciously. "Now go before Toris gets here, because the same isn't going for him."

Matthew nodded again and quickly walked away, Natalia slipping back into her hiding spot. He had no idea where he would go. He didn't have any friends to go to. He didn't have Gilbert... He didn't want to go home. So for the next few hours he wandered around. He had no money on him, but he didn't need money to eat, like most stranded people.

Eventually the only safe place he could think of was the park, which in hindsight probably wasn't very safe. He probably should have gone to a church, but considering he hadn't step foot in a church since he was little (Arthur couldn't decide if he wanted to go to a Catholic or Protestant church so he gave up) that wouldn't go over well. What would he say? 'Hi, my name is Matthew and I'm everything your church goes against.'

They'd probably throw him out. So, bad idea. It was getting late so he sat on a bench away from the playground, trying not to look suspicious. He didn't want to get yelled at, even though few kids were here. He busied himself on his phone to look less awkward but he was worried about his 73% battery level. That wouldn't last forever.

When at last night fell and everyone went home, he made his way to the swings. He sat down in the spot he'd had before, unable to look at the other swing. He blocked any memories from surfacing and swung listlessly.

At this point, he wasn't mad anymore, but he wasn't forgiving. He wasn't saying sorry. Something had changed within him and he had no idea what it was.

After an hour or so- he didn't check the time- his head fell against the swing chain. He was so tired. He wanted to go home... no he didn't... or did he? He wasn't sure but right now he wanted to be under warm blankets. He shivered and drew his hood up around his face by pulling the strings. Kuma's head warmed his hand as he stuffed it inside. And before he knew it, he was asleep.

It was pitch black when he woke up next. He found that he was miraculously still sitting on the swing. But he was freezing. The temperature had dropped dramatically- it had to be under 40 degrees. He was shivering violently and he realized that's why he had woken up. But he didn't move to find a warmer place to go. He wasn't going home in the middle of the night. That was the cowards way out... or in, however you want to look at it.

Curling his hands into fists and shoving his face further into his hoodie, he closed his eyes again. He suppressed the shivering, thinking he would be just fine if he slept a few hours more. His brain was moving sluggishly and he couldn't help from falling asleep moments later.

* * *

There was a steady beep and the smell of disinfectant. Those were the first things Matthew sensed as he woke up again. There were bright lights beyond his eyelids but he felt too exhausted to open them. His brain tried to catch up since something didn't seem right. He should be smelling fresh air, hearing the chirping of birds. Was he not in the park?

He slowly registered that beneath him was a soft mattress. And on top of him were blankets. How did he get home!? But wait... his house didn't smell like this. He had a sudden realization as his brain caught up and he gasped- or tried to at least.

This next observation surprised him the most and scared him to the point of panic. He couldn't breathe. Well, he could, but a machine was doing it for him. A contraption was strapped over his mouth and nose- pushing air in and forcing air out. His heart beat sped up in fear, the steady beeping from earlier speeding up as well until he heard another loud beeping. He would have hyperventilated but the breathing machine kept his breaths regular and steady, which was incredibly frustrating.

Faces appeared above him, a lady and a man in hospital garb. The man told him to calm down while the lady went over to a machine.

"Matthew," the man said with a somehow serious but gentle smile, "don't panic, you're safe here."

Matthew tried to talk but he couldn't with the damned machine strapped to his face. The lady, probably a nurse, already knew what to do, taking it off so he could talk. He tried to take in a deep breath but it came very shallow, once again making him panic. The nurse, obviously very skilled at this, had a nose tube already in before he could even worry too much. It was the kind that settled just under the nose, so it could help with breathing but not force it.

"What... happened?" he asked once he got his bearings.

The doctor consulted a clipboard he had brought in, a few papers stacked on it. "A jogger ran by the park at 5:42 this morning. They noticed you sitting on the swing and stopped because that wasn't a normal thing they saw on their morning jog. When they noticed you were cold and barely breathing, they called 911. Paramedics showed up and diagnosed you had hypothermia. Do you know what that is?" Matthew nodded his head slightly. He knew, but only to a certain extent. "Good. They determined your core body temperature was a 88.2 when it should be 98.6. They quickly set to warming you up, which is quite a process. Luckily you only received mild frostbite on one hand so those blisters should be gone within a few weeks. You're very lucky to have survived as long as you did with your weight as low as it is."

"What about my weight?" Matthew asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

The doctor furrowed his eyebrows and pressed his lips together before speaking, "You're underweight. I'm guessing you're not eating properly, are you?"

"Um..."

"Well that's changing now. As soon as you're able to be released, with the consent of your parents, I'd like to put you in a support group or-"

"No!" Matthew yelled, startling them both. He didn't want to go to a hospital. And now he was in one. He didn't want any kind of therapy or support group. And he was about to be in one.

If his whole body didn't feel like jelly then he would have gotten up and ran out, even if he was wearing the hospital dress. It didn't sound like the doctor was giving him any choice in the matter and it pissed him off. He was a free human and he could do whatever he wanted to his body! Why couldn't anyone see this?

He fumed quietly as the nurse spoke, gently telling him that his family was in the waiting room and that they could see him if he was ready. Matthew was shocked at first then sighed. Of course they were, they wouldn't want to miss the likely death of one of their sons. He imagined his grave stone would be engraved with 'R.I.P. Invisible Boy' or 'Who Is Matthew?'.

He blinked back to reality to where the nurse was looking at him patiently. He wasn't in the mood to be yelled at. He didn't think he'd ever want that. "I'd rather no one comes in yet. I don't feel very good." At least that wasn't a lie.

The nurse nodded in understanding and brought him some warm water to drink, which was supposed to help maintain his body temperature. He drank the water and it actually helped him feel better.

But that didn't change the fact he was in a hospital. And he had no one to blame, except himself. He was the one that left and decided to stay outside in cold weather. He could have died... he wished he had because now he was stuck here with his family waiting to see him.

What would they say? Would they disown own him? Would they say they were sorry? Or would they go on about how they were right that he would end up in a hospital? Either way, he was dreading it, so he would prolong the inevitable as long as possible.

* * *

**I bet you guys didn't think it could get any worse... but it did! Sorry, not sorry. This part took a bit to write because I like to be as accurate as I can. So for the hypothermia part I did all my research and applied it the best I could. Same will go for next chapter when other... things happen. I'll leave those things up to your imagination mwhaha!**

**Also thank you to everyone that has favorited and followed and all that jazz. I'm saying this again because, well... I reached 100 followers for this story! That just made my day! *hands out extra cheddar goldfish that I'm currently eating* Oh and if any of you remember, I stated that this would be around 14 chapters. Well here we are and still going strong! So don't worry, it is not over yet! I mean, what about Mattie and Gil? Matt practically gave him away to Natalia. Whoops. **

**One last note! The chapter title was inspired by the song Breakeven by The Script so check that out if you'd like. Byee**e!


	15. Game Over

"Let me in! Get out of my way, I have every right to see him!" Matthew sighed as the next morning he heard Alfred yelling at the staff. If the whole hospital hadn't been awake yet, they were now. From the window he could see security guards rush in and grab Alfred, restraining him, and dragging him away. "No, let me go, I have to see him! This is against my rights! I have the right to see my brother if he's in the fucking hospital!"

Matthew could still hear his yelling all the way down the hall and shook his head. Maybe his brother still did care. But he was also still an idiot, getting kicked out of the hospital. He felt bad for the staff, knowing Alfred would find another way to get through. Maybe he should just tell them to only let Al in. Well, too late now, maybe later.

A little while later, breakfast was brought to him. A new nurse placed the tray on the table and maneuvered it so it was in front of him. He quietly thanked her even though he had no intentions of eating. He looked at the small breakfast and only reached for the water. He pushed the cart away, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the hospital food. Some one was probably going to inquire about him not eating later, but he didn't care right now.

And sure enough, when he was halfway through the water, the nurse walked back in. She eyes his untouched food. "I'm not hungry," he told her quietly.

She looked sympathetic instead of frustrated like his family was. "I know you don't want to eat, but you really should. It will help you get better faster and frankly, it's unhealthy not to."

"I-"

She held up her hand and Matthew stopped. "I've heard every excuse in the book. I've heard witty comebacks, seen tears, anger, and regret fill kids' eyes. But that doesn't make a difference in the outcome. You may be stubborn now, but soon you'll realize what you're doing is bad for you," she started unhooking to fluid bag attached to his IV and replaced it with a new one, "Sure, being skinny is healthy, but there's such a thing as too skinny. When your ribs stick out and you can't pinch even an inch of fat, that's making you sick. You won't realize it yet, but everything that we do for you will only help," she turned to him with a warm smile, "I'll try to help you, Matthew."

She picked up the tray of food and started walking out, but Matthew stopped her. "Wait- how... how do you know?"

She smiled a bit sadly, "Long years of working here... And I went through it myself." She then took her leave without another word.

Matthew sat stunned. Surely what she said wasn't true. She was just guilt tripping him. But the way she said it, that look in her eyes, it made him believe her. If only a little.

Sometime during the middle of the day, per his request, the staff let Alfred back into the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) where Matthew was being imprisoned. He couldn't see Alfred walking down the hall, but he could just tell that he was walking like he was 'all that'. He already regretted this decision and he hadn't even made it into the room.

The door was open so he sauntered in, big grin on his face, and bag in hand. "Thanks for letting me in, little bro."

"Sure," Matthew said, sitting up more, "So are you going to yell at me or what?"

Alfred shook his head and set the bag on the floor, "No, I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I'm fine... my hand hurts a little," he admitted and showed Alfred his fingers that were covered in blisters from frostbite.

"Holy crap," Alfred said loudly and sat on the bed. Matthew moved his body over so there would be room for him.

"I'll be fine," he said and Alfred hugged him tightly, almost making him lose his breath.

"You always say that," Alfred said sadly and ran his fingers through Matthew's hair. Matthew stayed silent, remembering when Al held him like this when they were younger. "Will you come home after they let you leave?"

"Yea," he murmured. Not like he had anywhere else he could go.

"Good," he said, "Oh and I have this." He reached down and pulled something out of his bag. It was Kumajino, all stitched back together.

"How..?" he stared at the polar bear that looked almost perfect again and took it, hugging it so tight the new seams could have burst.

"Dad sewed it back up because he knows how much he means to you," he explained then paused for a few seconds, "Why did you hurt him?"

"Um, I was angry and I just... I don't know," he shrugged and absently fixed the fur around Kuma's eyes. 'I'm sorry' he thought to the bear and it gave him a look of sadness in response.

"Never thought I'd see the day when Mattie actually hurt something, since you could never hurt a fly," Alfred said. He just nodded, staring at Kuma's black, beady eyes. Alfred dug something else out of the bag, "I brought these, too. Keep you occupied." He held up a DS and handed it to him, having another one for himself.

"Oh, thanks," he said, grateful for something to do. He should have let his brother in earlier.

"Mario Kart?" he suggested and Matthew nodded, inserting the game.

They played for over an hour, Al yelling profanities once in a while and boasting when he won a race. Matthew played more quietly, winning most of the rounds. Alfred was very entertaining when it came to video games, to say the least. Maybe being a little too loud in a hospital, but other than that, Matthew was enjoying spending some time with his brother.

He had to force Al to leave when visiting hours were over. He didn't want him to go but at the same time he was exhausted from his brother's energy. Plus Al had forced him to eat some dinner, so he just hoped Al wouldn't be there for breakfast as well.

* * *

The doctor kept him two nights, and what Matthew didn't know at first was that he could have left after the first night. If only he'd eaten. The doctor didn't tell him that he was keeping tabs on how much, or if at all, Matthew ate at each meal. Unknowingly, Matthew failed the test. He got angry again, yelling at the doctor.

"What kind of doctor are you anyway?! A sucky one, that's what you are!" he yelled, "I can't believe you think you know what's best for me! You don't even know me! I've barely eaten in months, and what I ate yesterday is what I usually eat in half a week!" He clamped his mouth shut as private information spilled out. Crap.

The doctor didn't seem surprised at Matthew's outburst or confession. He spoke calm and collected, not seeming the least bit frazzled. "We're transferring you over to the psychiatric hospital."

"But... I'm not crazy!" Matthew said and burst into tears. All he knew about mental hospitals was from movies Alfred made him watch. Straight jackets, padded rooms, scary nurses wielding syringes... but something told him that mental hospitals weren't like that at all.

"No, you're not," the doctor agreed with him, "I'm sending you for other reasons. Now, just so you know, they can legally hold you for 72 hours for evaluation and then after that they will decide if you should stay or get after-care."

"You can't do this to me," Matthew said weakly, wiping his eyes as tears fell.

"You might change your mind. If they want you to stay, you can either do it voluntarily, or take them to court. Those are your only options."

Matthew shook his head and finally stopped crying. "My... only options?" he repeated in disbelief.

"Yes," the doctor clarified, "We will take you to another room to be evaluated and I'll have your parents sign the release papers, if it is decided for you to go to a psychiatric hospital, they will sign those as well and you will be transported by ambulance or car to the hospital. He wrote something down on an official looking clipboard then walked out before Matthew could get a word in edgewise.

Great, now he was going to be bunking with crazies. He sighed and sat back, holding Kumajinko tightly in his arms. He pushed his face into the worn but soft white fur, trying to control his breathing. They'd taken the nasal cannula- the technical term for the nose thing- off of him earlier since he could breathe just fine, but now his chest was tightening and he knew he was about to have a panic attack.

Just then, Alfred burst in, holding a couple bags of McDonald's. "Hey bro! You better thank me cause I saved you from this sucky hospital food and used my mad ninja skills to get past the guards," he grinned and set the bags down.

Matthew felt his stomach turn at the smell. Fat, sodium, calories, cholesterol. So much calories and fat. He felt like he might be sick just from the thought of it, but that thankfully distracted him mind from the panicking.. "I don't want any... I just had breakfast."

"It's like 9:30, stop trying to starve yourself," Al said and shoved a burger at him, "eat."

Matthew shook his head, "No."

"Am I gonna have to force you?"

"No, because I don't want your gross McDonald's," Matthew said, "You know I never really liked it."

"Fine, then how about fries? I know you like these," Alfred said and pulled out a large fry, stuffing a few pieces in his own mouth.

Matthew had to look away. Potatoes were healthy, but not when deep fried in greasy fat and covered in a gallon of salt. "No thanks," he declined and stared at the bed as his head spun from nausea. After a moment, he glanced over at Alfred who was frowning, looking down at the burger Matthew had just denied.

"Mattie, do you want me to get you something else? Because I can," Alfred said, sounding concerned and lost, "Like I can get you a salad somewhere or a protein bar or... or even an apple."

"I'm fine, thank you," he politely declined. His brother was sounded like he wasn't sure what to say or do. Matthew felt bad for a moment because he was putting his brother through this. But the moment evaporated as he heard Alfred scarfing his way through a burger, seemingly fine now.

He shot a look at him and suddenly realized something. "Isn't it a school day?"

Alfred laughed a little and ate while he talked. "Yea, but you're more important than math or English. Besides, you're missing school too."

"That's different. I don't want to be here," Matthew said.

"Then you should have come home."

"I couldn't," Matthew frowned, "I wasn't going to let you guys take me to..." He trailed off and looked at Al, feeling stupid. He had just made things worse for himself, that was all he ever did.

"A hospital," Al finished for him, sighing, "Well at least we didn't send you."

"Yea, but you are sending me to a crazy house," Matthew said.

"Dude, you're so lucky. It'll be like a video game. Spend the night without your roommate killing you, find clues about how old the place is, go in the basement and find skulls and bones and an electric chair. Then suddenly a crazy guy jump-scares you and-"

"Stop, Al, I don't think it's going to be like one of your creepy video games that I always hear you screaming at while playing," Matthew interrupted.

"I don't scream at the so called 'scary' parts. I go through totally chill and kill them crazy psychos!"

"Oh my God, please speak an English sentence," Matthew put his face in his hands, his inner Arthur springing out. "And that is not what happens."

"Is so!" Alfred stuck his tongue out at him childishly and grinned, "When you get out we'll play together, and I'll show you how awesome I am."

He was about to respond when he froze. "Awesome..." he whispered, not answering Alfred, but thinking of Gilbert. That was his favorite word. He had tried his best not to think of Gilbert because it hurt so much. Matthew had messed up so much, he hadn't meant to say that. He had overreacted big time. But the part of his mind that told him to say those mean things was now reminding him that Gilbert never even visited him.

'_Maybe he never found out,' _he thought to himself.

'_He knows, but he doesn't care,' _the voice said back.

'_I can ask for forgiveness and makes everything all better.'_

'_He's Natalia's now,' _the voice said, completely relentless.

'_But he doesn't even like her,'_

'_He likes her more than you. You hurt him, you freak,'_

"No, that's not true!" he yelled suddenly, closing his eyes tightly and pressing his hands to the sides of his head. He trembled and shook his head, trying to get the denial side to shut up. He felt an arm around him and thought for a moment it was Gilbert, but knew it was just Alfred. Well, Alfred would have to do. He leaned on his brother, lowered his hands, and cried. He really didn't want to, but there was no stopping the tears that poured out. He was mourning. He was mourning the loss of Gilbert, the loss of himself, and he wouldn't lose his brother. Even if he was barely alive, he needed the support of Alfred, who understood him. No, used to. No one could understand how Matthew felt because, well, he wasn't even sure himself.

* * *

**Alfred here to try to save the day! And Kuma is all back together (that poor bear). So who guessed that Matthew would eventually have to end up in a mental hospital? Anyone? Ah well if you did, have, um, the pride of being awesome. Yea, great prize. Speaking of being awesome, I bet you're wondering where Gilbert is and why he hasn't visited. Well if someone yelled at you like that, you probably wouldn't want to see them for awhile. And that's all I'm saying on that matter. Have a good day, or night, or morning!**


	16. A Game of Chance

He did it. He had voluntarily signed the papers, and now he was here... At a mental hospital. He walked slowly down the hall, trying to hide from the eyes of others around him. For once in his life, people were noticing him. And he didn't like it one bit.

Matthew slipped back into the room where he was staying and sat on the bed. He pulled his knees to his chest and stared at the wall, forcing himself to calm down. He was safe here. He knew that. No one was going to hurt him... He was going to get better. And then... Then he would be happy. Matthew's head dropped between his legs and he giggled. The support group today had been primarily about depression. Those who had it shared their stories if they wanted. Matthew stayed quiet, not ready to share yet. It was only his second day. He still needed time to get used to this.

And he giggled because some people's lives were better than his, some worse. One girl was abused by her boyfriend. Another girl found out she was pregnant and out of shame had tried to end it all. They'd had one big event that had been it for them.

But Matthew, his story was different. His was a series of small events. Being ignored, forgotten, then pushed around and bullied. The stresses of high school, of making friends, keeping friends, trying to seem happy. He frowned now. He would never tell his story, or maybe he would tell it tomorrow. Who knew. Everyone had told him- the nurses, doctors, psychiatrists, patients- that if he wanted out, then he had to want to get better. He had to want to make an effort. He had to eat, participate, play by the rules.

There were so many rules here. No touching other people in any way, don't go into other patients rooms, take your medicine when you are supposed to, follow the daily schedule, don't have any sharp objects or anything you could harm yourself with. Then there was don't try to escape, try to make friends, try to open up and share... Eat at every meal. There were a few special rules for Matthew. Being a minor suicide risk, he was checked on every 15 minutes. Being anorexic, he had to be supervised at meals to make sure he ate, then sit outside his room in case he decided to throw it up. Like he would ever do that. Gross.

"Hey, Matt," a voice said from his doorway. He looked up to see a 10- year- old girl named Emma peeking her head in his doorway. She held up a deck of cards. "Wanna play war?"

He smiled slightly and nodded, getting up. He followed her to the open area where there were a few tables. On shelves there were decks of cards, a few safe board games, and lots of books. In the area was the nurses station, with the patients rooms lined on the other side. In the open area were also a few comfy chairs and one TV. One. But no fighting was allowed, though most people could easily agree on a program peacefully. Down the hall was the cafeteria, and down the other way was the bathrooms and showers.

Emma sat at one of the tables and dealt the cards while Matthew sat on the other side. She slid the cards over and smiled. "Okay flip!" she said and they flipped their cards at the same time. Matthew had a 7 but she had a Jack, so she won the round.

She giggled, "I'm gonna beat you this time."

"I don't know about that," Matthew said. They had played twice yesterday after he had arrived and settled in. He'd beaten her both times, but she didn't mind.

"Ha, king!" Emma said, taking the cards again. They flipped their next cards and as Emma won another round she looked at him. "Why are you here? You haven't said anything in group, but you don't eat much. So is that why you're here?"

"Partially," Matthew said, finally winning a around. He slid the cards over the table to his side. "There's a lot of things that have happened to me, but I'll get better."

"You should eat more, or they won't let you go."

"I know. I'm trying, it's just so hard after not doing it for so long," he explained.

She nodded. "You should say something at group tomorrow, it will be good for you," she said.

"I might," he said noncommittally, and won another round.

Except right before they started they were going to flip the last cards in their decks, she stared intently at the wall then started screaming.

"Emma?" he had asked and turned to look but only saw the wall.

She only screamed and started crying, running away. The nurses quickly got to her and took her to her room to calm her down.

"She's schizophrenic," another girl who looked about 15 said. Matthew looked at her and noticed she flinched when he turned so quickly. He found out today at group that she had been abused by her boyfriend.

He learned that everyone here was different. Everyone had a story, and no one's was the same. He didn't know why, but it interested him. Maybe he could do something like this. He could study psychology and help kids like himself in places like this. He could make a difference in people's lives. The nurses and doctors here were so nice to them. Matthew, being 17, was the oldest here. Another few months and he would have been put with the adults. He didn't think he could deal with that. But most of the kids here were very kind.

When he got here, he expected nothing like this. He'd expected them to be isolated in their rooms, people screaming and attacking others. But no, everyone here seemed fairly normal. Sure there were a few instances like Emma's, but the nurses always got everything under control within seconds. They saw everything. He kind of liked it, being watched, noticed, someone having an interest in him. Even though it had only been two days, he liked it here. He was actually getting help. True, he wasn't participating in group or individual therapist discussion, and true he wasn't eating much, but he felt almost happy. The stress of the outside world had left and all he had to focus on was getting better.

He started putting the cards back in a stack, thinking about the game. War was a game of chance. You don't know what you have until you flip it over. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you tie. When you tie, you flip another set of cards and do this until there is a tie breaker. Then one person wins all the cards and the other is left with nothing. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you can always try again. Life is exactly the same, Matthew realized.

Life is a game of chance. And sometimes you're not going to like the outcome but... There's always the chance to change that. You can shuffle the deck, deal the cards, and hope you got all the good ones. But you won't always have the good ones. Matthew reshuffled the deck of his life, and he was hoping for the good ones. And maybe, just maybe, he got a few.

* * *

Later that day was visiting hours. Not everyone got visitors, and certainly Matthew was not expecting any, so that was why he was surprised when a nurse got him from his room, saying he had a visitor. He followed her curiously and saw Alfred sitting at a table, looking around in astonishment. Matt sat in front of him and his brother stared at him.

"Bro, this place looks so cool. Not scary at all. Except I was interrogated before I was allowed in, but hey, I'm clean... Well they took my phone but I'll get it back when I leave," he said and smiled, "Oh and I brought some clothes so you don't gotta wear hospital stuff or whatever." He slid a few pairs of clothes across the table. "So how are ya?"

"Um, better, I guess..." Matthew said quietly, setting the folded articles in his lap, "I'm on some meds, they're making me eat, and go to therapy sessions."

"So, pretty good. You'll be out in no time, probably the end of the week."

"I guess. But it's kind of nice here. I mean, it's different, there's all these things I can and can't do, but I actually feel pretty safe here."

"No mean, scary nurses?"

"Well, there is one nurse like that but the rest are really nice," Matthew said.

Alfred smiled. "Cool. Do they have electric shock chairs and padded rooms and straight jackets?"

"No, no, and no," Matthew said, "There is shock therapy, but they don't kill you. And there are restraints if you try to hurt yourself or someone, but I haven't so I don't need them." A nurse walked by so he had to lower his voice even more. He wasn't sure if he could get in trouble for talking about that, but he wasn't going to chance it.

"Weird," Alfred said and looked around, "everyone looks so normal."

"Everyone is normal, Al. Just some have issues they need to sort out," he said and Alfred nodded, "So where are dad and papa?"

"They're, um, busy," Alfred said.

Matthew sighed, "They don't want to see me, do they?"

"They do, they're just not sure how you'll react. They don't wanna upset you or anything, I guess."

"Tell them to come tomorrow," Matthew said, "I won't be mad, because I'm not."

"Can do," Alfred said and proceeded to tell him about the outside world and what he'd missed for two days.

Soon, Alfred had to leave and his brother hugged him tightly, earning a sharp look from a nurse, which they both ignored.

After visiting hours, he returned with his clothes to his room then settled down with a book. He was allowed three books in his room at once and his door was never allowed to close fully. He had a roommate, but he was gone at the moment. So Matthew read peacefully for 15 minutes, until a nurse poked her head in. He looked up and offered a weak smile. She nodded, checked something on her clipboard, and walked to the next room. If he kept this up, checks would get extended to 30 minutes.

After half an hour of reading, and another group discussion on today's rules, they lined up for their medicine. Matthew received 4 pills, but he had no idea what they were for. He guessed one was to help stabilize he sleep schedule. Without complaint as he had on the first night, he swallowed the pills with a glass of provided water, and slipped back to his room, where he curled up with his book and fell asleep within the hour.

Wake up at 7, get ready for the day, make the bed, etc. 7:30, get vitals checked. 8:00, eat breakfast while a nurse stared. Matthew stared back, slowly eating his cereal. Every bite had maybe two pieces of cereal on it and the nurse makes a note of this. He isn't sure if this counts as progress or not. 8:30, sit outside his room with a book while the nurse continues to stare. He must keep those 20 pieces of cereal inside him. 9:00, morning group meeting to discuss goals for today. Matthew chooses to finish his book and eat more at lunch. 10:30, one-on-one meeting with his psychiatrist. Usual routine of questions: how are you feeling, how much are you eating, have you had any suicidal thoughts since yesterday, did you have any dreams? Et cetera, et cetera. 11:30, lunch. Pizza, which he ate most of. Once more he sat outside his room for half an hour, reading.

12:30, group activity and talking about problems. Today they had to "sculpt their feelings" with play dough. Matthew rolled it into a hollow ball and when asked what it meant he said, "It's how hollow I feel inside and how pointless this activity is." He then smashed the ball flat and stared at the therapist with cold eyes. He was 17, he shouldn't be playing with freaking play dough. He was here for actual help. 1:30, a lady comes in to talk about bipolar disorder in what Matthew has learned to call the Common Area, or the Commons for short. He can hear her from his room but mostly ignores her since he doesn't have that. 3:00, snack time, in which Matthew actually ate half an apple. 3:30, exercise, where everyone went outside to the playground if they were deemed stable enough. Matthew sat on the swings the entire time.

5:00, dinner, where Matthew ate a salad and some weird tasting spaghetti with short noodles. 6:00, visiting hours on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday for 2 hours. His parents showed up this time. It was very tense and awkward.

"How are you doing?" Arthur asked.

"Better."

"You're not mad at us or hate us, right?" Francis asked.

"Nope."

"Will you come home after this?" Arthur asked.

"Yes."

"We love and care about you," Francis said.

"Thank you, but maybe you should show it more often."

"We're sorry this happened. Especially the way it did," Arthur said.

"It's fine."

"Tu nous manques," Francis said.

"Vous me manques aussi," Matthew replied. He was happy his parents showed up... Well as happy as one can get when they're in a mental hospital for depression. Yet he wished Alfred could have come too, but seeing as it was a Saturday, he was probably busy. They talked a little more, but they didn't stay the full two hours like Al did, which didn't bother him too much.

8:00, end of the day group meeting. Discuss if you met your goals. Matthew ate more, but he had a few chapters left of his book, which he would finish tonight. 9:00, medication. Lineup and get your drugs after a long day. Then enjoy some free time. 11:00, lights out. Sorry insomniacs.

That was generally what Matthew's day consisted of. There was a lot of structure, but also a lot of free time to be bored and do as you please, as long as it is safe. There were no surprises because of the schedule, even a few outbursts here and there weren't too worrisome. But on Monday, he received a call.

The nurse called him over to the phone, which he picked up curiously. "Hello?" he asked, thinking maybe it was Al. The line was silent for a few moments before the caller started speaking. When they did, his heart skipped several beats. And suddenly he was having a panic attack.

* * *

**Translations (Helped with by my friend fangirl103)-**

**Tu nous manques- We miss you**

**Vous me manques aussi- I miss you, too**

**So here we have Matthew in a mental hospital, trying to get better. Now, I've never been in one, but I do know that all are different from each other. I have friends that told me about their stays and I've read other accounts online. Does it seem realistic enough? Because that's what I was trying to accomplish. Anyways, I leave you with a *gasp* cliffhanger. Who could it be!? I know who it is, but you'll all just have to wait to see! And on that note, this is the second to last chapter! There will be one more chapter, plus an epilogue. Thank you all for staying with me thus far and I hope you will for the end!**

**One last thing. I did a thing with this chapter title and the last one, so look at that if you wish!**


	17. All the Little Things

It took some effort to open his eyes. He wondered why, when he slowly remembered. He'd been given a sedative because he was having a panic attack. And a bad one at that. He had dropped the phone and fallen on the floor, clutching his heart, panting and shaking. He couldn't get himself under control, he couldn't even see straight. It seemed like it lasted hours, but it may have been barely a minute before a nurse gave him a shot in the butt and he was out cold.

He sat up and noticed his door was wide open, so the nurses could see him. One noticed he was awake and was at his bed in seconds, asking how he felt. He felt fine, calm. He remembered then what caused the panic. It was the person on the phone. He made sure to keep calm and breathe. He hugged himself and exhaled. "Gilbert," he whispered, then looked up at the nurse, "I want to see him. I'll be fine."

The nurse nodded and told him that it was almost dinner, so he should be getting there. He realized that he'd been out for over an hour. By the time he dragged himself out of bed, dinner was starting, so he grabbed some food and sat. The usual nurse sat with him and told him that he was doing very good on eating. He knew he was. This morning during vitals, he found he weighed a whooping 124. Two pounds he had gained in 5 days. He knew there was weight gaining stuff in his food, but there wasn't much he could do about it. There also wasn't any full body mirrors he could look in, but he could tell that he was getting fatter. He could feel it every time he swallowed.

But if this is what it took to get better, then he would do it. He would play by the rules. And he'd win this round of life.

He went through the day, thinking about what he would say to Gilbert. 'I'm sorry' didn't seem like enough, no matter how many times he could say it. 'I didn't mean it' was just lying. At that time, he had meant it, but now he regretted all of it. He figured either Gilbert would talk, or Matthew would have word vomit and tell him everything. Hopefully something like that.

He didn't even know why Gilbert would want to see him after what he said, then ignoring him, and then basically breaking up with him by letting Natalia have him. One of the worst mistakes he'd ever made was that. He hoped Gilbert wasn't coming just to yell at him, because even though he was now 'stable', he felt like he could fall apart all over again if Gilbert yelled and said he hated him. But the way he sounded on the phone didn't sound like he was mad. He seemed in shock, nervous, confused. But not angry. Matthew contemplated this during group and free time.

He kept checking the clock, yearning to see him, but at the same time terrified. The clock ticked closer and he fought an internal battle. Hurry up time, go! No, no slow down, stop! His mind was yelling back and forth.

As 6 pm rolled around, Matthew waited for Gilbert to show up. Every time the elevator opened, he leaned forward expectantly, only to see another person, another stranger. No albino with red eyes. No Gilbert. He looked at the clock on the wall. 6:27. There was still an hour and a half. He made himself calm down before he freaked out again.

And finally, _finally_, at 6:34, Gilbert stepped off the elevator.

Matthew watched as if in a dream. He couldn't believe it. Gilbert looked around then finally locked eyes with him. And slowly, he walked over, Matthew standing still.

They stood in front of each other for a minute, Gilbert beyond nervous, and Matthew trying not to panic again. He heard Gilbert take a steadying breath. "Matthew..." he said then looked down, wringing his hands together nervously. Matthew watched him, not moving, not saying a word. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Matthew whispered, his voice tiny and breathless. Gilbert shouldn't be apologizing to him! It should be the other way around.

"I... I tried to understand what you're going through, I tried to help. But I didn't know what to do to help you. I didn't- no, I don't understand," his eyes scanned around the room, avoiding Matthew's gaze, "I don't think I ever will. So you were right, I am an 'egotistical, narcissistic asshole'... I remember exactly what you said to me, because you're right... And I'm sorry."

Matthew shook his head, tears in his eyes. "No, don't say sorry, it's my fault. I-I'm an idiot. I yelled at you a-and I shouldn't have and I'm the worst person ever," his voice was rising but he tried to keep it down. If he got too worked up, they would make Gilbert leave. "I'm sorry, Gil. I'm so so so sorry and I can't say it enough. I know you tried to help but I was too stupid to know I needed it. A-And..." He broke down and started crying. If they wanted Gilbert to leave, they would have to pry him from his cold, dead fingers. He closed the few steps between them, flinging himself into Gilbert's arms. He was completely violating the no touching rule, but he didn't care.

"Shh, Birdie, don't- don't cry," Gilbert said, sounding like he was holding back his own tears.

"Gil, I-I love you," he confessed, holding him tighter, afraid he would leave, and at the same time overjoyed that he was _here_.

"I love you too, Birdie. My Birdie," Gilbert said and laughed a little as he finally let the tears go, but they were happy tears.

It must have been quite a spectacle, really. The nurses stood nearby, but no one actually tried to pull them apart. And if they did, if anyone tried to take Gilbert from him, he would probably need to be sedated.

After a few minutes, they let go of each other and wiped their eyes. Matthew glanced around and saw that the entire room had been staring. He blushed slightly and quickly sat at a table with Gilbert. Pretty soon, everyone went back to their own business as the boys talked.

"Will you tell me what happened? I want to know everything since after school that day, if you're willing to tell me," Gilbert prompted gently.

Matthew nodded and stared at the table as he recounted everything that happened. When he decapitated his bear, when his family tried to have an intervention. Then when he saw Natalia, when he stayed the night in the park. When he woke up in the hospital, talked with Alfred, when the nurse was kind and the doctor was cold. When he was transferred here, what he'd done, when Al and his parents visited. And every single panic attack and breakdown, including from when Gilbert had called.

Gilbert listened silently the whole time. It was a change. When they'd first met, Gilbert did all the talking, and Matthew listened. They had both agreed to help each other and unknowingly, they did. Matthew talked for nearly an hour, trying not to leave out any details, Gilbert not even interrupting once. By the time he was done, he was sure that was more than he'd ever talked throughout his entire life combined.

Gilbert cracked a smile when he finished. "So that's why Natalia thought she was with me," he said then his smile dropped, "Wait, so by telling her she could 'have me', does that mean you broke up with me?"

"It doesn't have to mean that. I-I still want to be with you. I need to," Matthew said, "It was a mistake. A really bad, really stupid mistake."

"Okay, Birdie," Gilbert said, "And she won't bother us anyone. I took care of it."

"Took care of it? You didn't kill her, did you?"

Gilbert laughed. "No, I hired a hit man, obviously," he grinned and Matthew's heart melted at the look. He had missed Gilbert's teasing grin so much. "Kidding. Remember how we talked about Ivan? Well, I talked to him and after he threatened to hit me with some pipe for hurting his sister, he agreed, and I haven't seen her since."

"He threatened you with what?" Matthew gaped.

"It was like this water pipe that he just had stuffed into his bag. And let me tell you, that family belongs in here more than you do."

"I actually kind of like it here," Matthew said, "It's safe. No one has tried to hurt me or call me names."

"That's good. I just don't want you to stay here forever."

"I won't. I think I'll be out in a few days."

"I'll visit you every day I can," Gilbert promised. Matthew looked at the clock and realized it was almost 8:00 already.

"I don't want you to leave at all," Matthew protested, willing the clock to slow.

"I know, Birdie, but I'm getting the evil eye from those nurses, so I should get going."

"Bye, Gil," Matthew said and they lightly brushed their fingers together as they stood. Matthew wanted to hug him and kiss him, but they couldn't, so this would have to do. He stood and watched Gilbert walk onto the elevator. Gilbert turned and formed his fingers into a heart, holding it out in front of him and grinning. Matthew smiled and did the same, forming his fingers into a heart. Then the doors slid shut and Gilbert was gone.

He decided that during group time tomorrow he'd open up. He'd share his story. He told Gilbert and should tell others as well. He also decided that he would really make an effort to get better. For Gilbert.

He went to the end of the day group meeting and all he thought about was Gilbert. Right after that was free time, so he played cards with Emma.

"Was that your boyfriend?" she asked, dealing the cards.

"Yea," Matthew smiled. He was aware that since he'd started coming here, he'd been smiling more. Actually smiling.

"The nurses and everyone was watching you two. I heard one say that they were going to break you apart but the other told her to just wait cause you were working some stuff out and that was important. Was she right?" Emma asked as she picked up her cards.

"She was completely right," Matthew said, picking up his own cards, "He's the reason I want to get better."

"You'll be together forever, I just know it," Emma smiled happily.

"How do you know?" Matthew asked.

She looked around suspiciously and leaned over the table, cupping her hand on one side of her mouth. "I heard it. It was the shadowy guy with a weird hat that was next to me when you two were hugging," she whispered, "don't tell anybody about him, I think he's nice and I don't want him taken away like all the bad ones."

Matthew nodded and she sat back. He felt a little bad for her, but knew one day she would be better. It was only a matter of time. They played a few card games talking about random things and distracting themselves from thinking too much.

At 11:00, Matthew lay in the darkness, thinking since there were no distractions. Tomorrow during group, Matthew knew he would share. And everyone would listen and care because everyone's story was different and important. He knew some would feel bad for him, while others would try to one- up him, like it was some kind of sick competition for most messed up. He cuddled up with Kumagyro- one of the few things he was allowed to have in his room- and fell asleep.

* * *

"I guess... I guess it all started when I was born. And I know that's a really cheesy thing to say, but it's true," Matthew spoke in group. He was here, he was going to tell his story. His voice was clear, confident, and he sounded just like a normal person. "I'm a twin and our mom gave us away when we were just a few days old. We don't know why, but in any case, we were put into the system. We went from foster homes to temporary homes. Many people looked at us for adoption, but no one wanted twins. Alfred grew up faster than me because he wanted to protect me. He was loud, confident, and protective. I was quiet and shadowed him. When we were 5, we were being adopted by a gay couple. By that time, I only spoke to Alfred. We knew no one cared for us, we knew we would be gone in days. But for the first time, someone wanted both of us, and we stayed with them.

"Throughout school, since I barely spoke, I was ignored and invisible. By middle school, Alfred was picking fights, and I got beat up because we looked almost identical. Then in high school, freshman year, I gave an effort to try. I wasn't used to speaking in front of people, I didn't have any friends, so I stuttered. And I got beat up for that. Alfred started playing sports and quickly became popular, forgetting about me like everyone else. The last two years, Alfred's grades fell because of all the sports he was playing. He messed around with the guys and still got into fights occasionally. I don't know how but I was beat up every single time. And then one day this year... one day I met Gilbert. The one person that cares for me. The one person that I love. And he thought he could make things better..."

Matthew spoke, crying through rough parts of his life, recounting repressed memories. Since he kept everything so bottled up, it all just poured out. No one complained as he spoke for the majority of group, no one interrupted. Emma looked on sadly, watching him, reminding him there were good people in the world.

And to think, all this started with a wrong number.

* * *

**The End! Aww look how things turned out! Matthew is getting better, he has a more positive outlook on life because of Gilbert. But we can't just leave it here, right? Of course not! There will be an epilogue, yes, one more chapter, how exciting. It's weird how I originally had planned to kill Matthew off but then I realized I had to see him get better. So, yay for all of you! And if I had this would have been like 12 chapters long at most.**

**Also, I never actually said who Emma was. It's Belgium! How cute! I think she plays a very small but very important part of this story. Aaand it's the two month- anniversary of this story! Thanks to everyone who has read from the beginning, or is reading as of a chapter ago, and even those who are discovering this two years in the future! You're all awesome!**


	18. I Am Matthew

It had been 6 months since his admittance in the mental hospital. 6 months since he broke down. 6 months since he'd had a major blowout with Gilbert. 6 months since his life had been a spiraling black pit leading toward nothing.

But it seemed longer. Which was really a good thing. It seemed like a year or two since that all happened.

Because now he was happy. He couldn't describe it any other way. His grades had improved, he'd opened up, made a few friends. He wasn't even getting beat up anymore, but that might be because he let his hair grow out. It was to his shoulders, and he was mistaken for a girl occasionally what with his feminine figure, but he no longer was mistaken for his brother.

Oh, and that's another thing, he was healthy and almost fully secure with his image. He was eating. Three meals a day, as much food as he could. He'd gained some weight, so now he was a normal weight, if still on the lower side of the scale

He was confident with himself. And why? That couldn't have happened because of the mental hospital. No, it was because of Gilbert. He told Matthew everyday that he was cute, or beautiful, or sexy. He made Matthew look in the mirror and only see positive things. He may not understand, but he always tried his hardest to help.

Being in that hospital may have been the best thing to ever happen to him- aside from meeting Gilbert. It had taught him that he didn't need to feel the way he did, he didn't need to feel hopeless. That he could do something about it, had to do something about it. Emma taught him how to have a positive outlook on things and be open minded. The group sessions and one-on-one therapy sessions were full of help once he'd opened up.

He can't believe he only stayed a week and a half there. He can't believe all this was 6 months ago.

But if he doesn't believe it, then that means things will go back the way they had always been. And really he didn't want that. So he let himself believe it, embraced it, found comfort in it.

Currently, he was cleaning up his room. He dug under his bed for things. Pens, socks, lost objects, and a notebook were what he pulled out. He stared at the notebook he hadn't touched since he had came home. Why write when there was no pain, no feelings needing to get out? Gilbert was all he needed now. But he didn't just want to throw this away. Maybe one day when he felt he could, he would open the notebook and read it. But right now, that wasn't an option to him. There was no way he was revisiting those dark years. He stood up to put the notebook in his closet, when a paper fell out.

It was once crumpled and now flattened, but he could still make out every scrawled word. He knelt down and shakily picked up the piece of paper. He knew what it was, knew what it held, even knew some of the phrases, though he didn't read it.

This was his suicide note.

The note he'd written the day everything fell apart. So much had happened that day, he wasn't sure what happened when. But he did know that he almost died twice. One when he'd desperately reached for the pocket knife, and the other when he'd gotten hypothermia.

Matthew crammed the note back into the notebook and shoved it in the far corner of his closet before he could dwell on it. He thought that if he ever felt bad again, he would just read that, and remember that no matter how bad things were, they'd once been worse.

"Hey, Mattie," Alfred said, stepping into his room, "I'm going to the park with some guys to play some ball. Wanna come?" He held up a basketball as an invitation. Ever since Matthew had come home, Alfred had paid more attention to him, tried to include him in things, even if he knew Matthew wouldn't. It was weird how a suicide scare could change things, make people more attentive and caring.

"No thanks," he politely declined and closed his closet doors.

"Okay. I'll be back in a few hours," he said and started to leave. But before he even made it two steps, he stopped and looked back at him. "Will you back okay alone?"

"I'll fine, Al," Matthew said and gave him a convincing smile.

"'Kay," Alfred said and walked away.

He sat down on his bed, and waited for Al to leave. He heard the front door shut, and moved out to the living room. He cocooned himself in a blanket even though it was over 60 degrees outside in the April weather. A window was cracked open to let in cool, fresh air. He breathed in, taking in the smell of spring. Fresh cut dewy grass, birds chirping, kids laughing in the distance. Spring was always his favorite season.

He turned on the TV though, instead of going out. Why change old habits? He played Supernatural of which he was finally catching up on. He watched the episode, distracting his mind from wandering anywhere. He was doing a good job of it, too. When the episode was ending, the door flung open, just as he was picking up the remote. He jumped in surprise and dropped the remote, his mind immediately moving irrationally to that it was a burglar or serial killer.

"Your awesomeness has arrived!" Gilbert said and laughed, closing the door behind him. He grinned and sauntered over. "Did I scare you, Birdie?"

"Only a little," he said in relief, "as long as you're not going to rob me."

"I think you're the robber, here," Gilbert said, sitting on the couch and slinging his arm around him.

"What? What did I steal?" Matthew asked, knitting his eyebrows together.

"My heart," Gilbert said and kissed his cheek.

Matthew blushed, even though that was such a bad joke. "That's cheesy, Gil."

"Well if I'm cheese, you're crackers. Let's make a snack," he grinned and Matthew laughed and shook his head.

"Please stop," he said, good-naturedly, blushing more.

"Never. I won't even stop when I'm dead," Gilbert said, "if I die first, I'll haunt you, whispering bad jokes in your ear all the time."

Matthew laughed, "Please, no, I don't think I could take that."

"It's in the contract."

"I didn't sign a contract."

"No, but you did steal my heart," Gilbert grinned, and before Matthew could respond, he kissed him.

Matthew let it go and melted into Gilbert's arms, into the kiss. Gilbert's hands roamed over him and before he knew it, he was pushed back on the couch, the blanket was pushed off, and Gilbert was straddling him.

"You're.. home alone.. right?" Gilbert planted slightly from the kisses.

"Yeah," Matthew said ran his finger tips along the hem of Gilbert's shirt, wanting it off.

Gilbert grinned, slid his shirt off, and barely gave Matthew any time to admire his body before he kissed him again. They kisses started out slow and were gradually getting harder, filled with need and want. Gilbert moved against him, making Matthew gasp.

Gilbert sat up, gave Matthew a sly look, and pulled them both off the couch, into a standing position. He felt cold at the loss of Gilbert's body heat and wondered what he was doing. Silently, Gilbert took Matthew's hand and led him to his room. At least, Matthew thought they were going to his room. But instead they ended up in the bathroom.

Matthew looked at himself in the mirror and looked at Gilbert through the mirror, confused. "Gil..?"

"Birdie," Gilbert said and gripped the edge of Matthew's shirt, "I'm going to show you what I see."

Oh, so Gilbert was doing this again. But why now? Why when they were about to-

His thoughts cut short as the shirt was lifted over his head, revealing his upper half. His arms moved instinctively to hide his body, but Gilbert forced them down.

"I want you to see what I see. I see a beautiful young man in the mirror with a sexy body and the softest hair I've ever touched," he paused as he kissed Matthew's shoulder, Matthew blushing hard, "and then there's you."

"Hey!" Matthew tried to object. How could Gilbert be so self absorbed when he knew Matthew still wasn't secure with his image?

"There's you," Gilbert repeated, "who when I met, looked like some kind of model. A sad model that had been beaten down, but was still beautiful. And that's what I see now. You're sexy, and beautiful, and cute, and perfect, more than I could ever be." He paused and moved closer to whisper in his ear. "I want you to think this when I'm pounding your ass into the mattress."

Matthew was already blushing, but then he turned beet red at Gilbert's last comment. Gilbert then kissed his neck, covering it with kisses, and he knew if Gilbert thought he was perfect, he could think so, too

So Gilbert led him out of the bathroom, to his room, and they fall onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Clothes were pulled off until there was nothing between them, and there was the glorious feeling of hot skin on skin.

* * *

Matthew laid in a quiet daze, in Gilbert's arms. He felt so happy right now. So content and light and like he belonged. Gilbert was running his fingers through his hair absently, soothing him even more.

He looked at Gilbert, who smiled and kissed his cheek. "Do you believe what I see, Birdie?"

"Yes," he answered honestly.

"Good," Gilbert said, and was silent for a moment more. "I love you Birdie, and all I want is for you to love yourself."

"I love you, too," Matthew responded, smiling softly. "I'm trying, Gil, I really am... can you believe it's been 6 months?"

"Where's the time gone?" Gilbert smiled and kissed his nose.

Matthew smiled, "It just flew by."

"I'm glad it did," Gilbert said.

Matthew nodded. "Me too. And I got to spend it with you."

Gilbert grinned. "Who wouldn't want to spend time with this awesomeness?"

"A crazy person," Matthew said.

"And you're sane now," Gilbert smiled.

"Pretty much," Matthew laughed softly.

He heard the front door open and Alfred laughing as it slammed shut. Matthew blushed and realized they were both still naked. He quickly moved to grab his clothes, but Gilbert pulled him back down. "Don't worry about him, he won't disturb us."

"He probably will. He thinks I'm still alone."

"Then let him think that," Gilbert said, his mouth suddenly against his neck.

He gasped and squirmed, "G-Gil!"

"If you don't want him to know, then be quiet," Gilbert breathed, hot on his neck, sending shivers up his spine.

He whimpered in response and let Gilbert kiss and suck his neck, marking him. A moan slipped past his lips and he bit his lip, trying to quiet himself.

Then is stopped as suddenly as it had started and Matthew slowly calmed his beating heart, while wanting Gilbert to keep doing it. But he couldn't quite get his brain to work with his mouth and it came out as a half whimper half groan.

"You said you didn't want to do anything with your brother here," Gilbert said, propping himself up on his arm.

"Y-Yeah but-"

"No butts. Except yours," Gilbert grinned and poked his bare bottom.

"Gil!" he gasped and covered it with his hand, a blush spreading over his face.

"What?" Gilbert asked, feigning innocence.

"You know what you did," Matthew said and willed his cheeks back their normal color.

"What did I do?" Gilbert asked.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "You're hopeless."

Gilbert laughed, "I'm just messing with you, Birdie. Now how about you make us some pancakes for dinner?"

Matthew smiled, "Is that the only reason you come over?"

"Oh no, I come for that sexy body of yours," Gilbert grinned.

Matthew laughed. "Okay, Gil," he said and got up. He was aware Gilbert was staring at him as he put his clothes on, so he did it as fast as possible. When he glanced back at Gilbert, he was putting his clothes on as well, trying to look innocent. Which never worked for him.

They went downstairs and Matthew got out the ingredients for the pancakes. He started mixing the things together when Gilbert's arms wrapped around him. He jumped slightly in surprise and he could practically feel Gilbert's smirk. Gilbert pulled him closer and kissed just behind his ear. "You should get an apron that says 'kiss the cook'"

"Papa has one," Matthew said and blushed a little.

"Well maybe you should use it."

"Or you could just kiss me," Matthew said boldly.

Gilbert chuckled softly and turned Matthew slightly so that he could kiss him. It was long and slow, Gilbert's fingers traveling under his shirt, which Matthew didn't resist.

"Gross, get a room," Alfred interrupted loudly. Matthew pushed Gilbert off and tried to catch his breath, his mind spinning.

"This is a room," Gilbert said.

"A smaller room. Like, with a door," Alfred said and walked over to the fridge. He grabbed a can of coke and tossed it in the air a few times. "What are you making, Mattie? Pancakes?"

"Um, yeah," Matthew said.

"Then make me some," he said and opened the tab. He drank his coke before peering closer at him. "What the hell is that?"

"What?" Matthew asked.

"That... is that a hickey?"

Matthew gasped and clamped his hand to his neck. "Uh, Um..." he floundered and stared at the ground. Gilbert just laughed, bending over because he was laughing so hard, while Matthew's face turned red.

Alfred laughed too. "Does he taste like syrup? That's always been my theory."

Gilbert grinned. "He does. I'm sure it runs in his blood."

They both laughed at the joke but Matthew rolled his eyes. Of course he didn't have syrup in his blood! That was insane but... hilarious. He dissolved into the giggles with them and turned back to his pancakes.

Alfred and Gilbert mostly joked back and forth while he laughed and made their food.

"That's what she said!" Alfred cackled when he was finishing up the last of the batter.

"What did she say?" Arthur asked, walking in.

"It's just a saying, mon cher," Francis said, trailing right behind him.

"Yeah, get with the times, old man," Alfred said.

"I'm not old," Arthur huffed.

Before this could turn into an argument, Matthew interjected. "Would you two like any pancakes?"

"Yes, please," Arthur answered for them after exchanging a quick look with Francis.

Matthew nodded and made some more. He loved being with his family and his boyfriend.

Some people think you can't change your life. But you can. In less than 7 months he'd gone from a shy, invisible, depressed boy to a happier, confident, one. He'd gone through pain and heartbreak and self- hate only to come out of that mental hospital a stronger person. He tried not to think about where he would be without Gilbert. Dead? Or very sick, at the least. But he didn't like to dwell on that for too long. He was here, with the people he loved most, about to eat his fantastic pancakes.

Funny how things can work out like that. How things can be so stressful and sad, but in the end it turns out alright. And Matthew, he felt invincible. And he was only going to continue getting better.

It was only a matter of time.

* * *

**So we got a look at a whole 6 months later and Matthew's looking a lot better than where he was last time. He has the support of his whole family and Gilbert and he has a new perspective on life. I realized it needed to have some kind of defining end moment but I didn't want it to be too serious. I think I did well.**

**Thank you for staying with me on this train-wreck of a journey! I heart you all! I don't have another long story at this time but I may have one soon if I can get inspiration. In the meantime, I have a few one shots of UsUk and AmeCan that I will probably be posting soon (I literally just ship the FACE family together so my ships get messed up). The one shots are much more light and fluffy, so if you want to check that out, look forward to those!**

**Lastly, I did a thing with the chapter titles again. Look at chapter 1 and this one (Ha, I know, I'm hilarious). I bid you farewell, my dear readers!**


End file.
